Tourist Attractions

[kateykakes]

Gubby Gubby Gubby,

If you make it off the tour bus alive, call me and we'll do lunch.

[klar]

LOLROFL Ohhh Gub can you sign me up for that tour bus trip I think that would be a very exciting ride. LOL

Klar

[Gubmentcheez]

Katey Katey Katey,

There are many other great attractions in and around Philadelphia that unsuspecting out of towners would surely benefit from seeing. A trip to Philly isn't complete without seeing the nasty homeless man on Market Street who wears a diaper (usually loaded with sh*t) made entirely out of plastic grocery store trashbags. On his more modest days he will accessorize with an open trench coat.

How about the great Walter Rand Transportation Center across the river in Camden? Yet another lovely attraction. Lovely that is, if your idea of a good time is witnessing as many drug transactions out in the open broad day light as you can possibly fathom.

And to top off your visit, you can rent a tour bus with a giant banner on the side that reads, "WE MAY BE WHITE BUT AT LEAST WE'RE NOT POOR," and ride it through a rather interactive tour of North Philly.

[dkiefner]

Yep, Dino - I think I was one of the last ones out.

Guess you'd have to define meat though.

[Dinosaur]

You know, there aren't any Germans left in Germantown, DK. Rumor has it that they've all been made into scrapple. I kinda doubt it 'cause I don't believe there's really any meat in scrapple. Just to be on the safe side, though, lock your doors and go fast when you take your drive through the old neighborhood or you might end up as someone's breakfast.

[dkiefner]

OK KK, I'm for that. Been promising my eldest a trip to Franklin Institute for a while. Maybe a late night cruise through Germantown for some excitement afterwards.

I can get into a steak or any of the other goodies you mentioned. Since you don't want any, it just means I get all the scrapple to myself.

[CinaC]

I'm game for hanging out with you, JB and Gubby, and any of the other locals here who would want to

I could drive up, provided if I get completely drunk someone would let me crash on their couch ...

[kateykakes]

Originally posted by dkiefner:
KK, how could you leave out the Franklin Institute??? Now I'll have to come up to Philly and take you and Jellybean there. Afterwards, we can meet Gubby and get some scrapple.

<slaps her forehead> OMG, how could I forget the Franklin Institute, especially since I was going to bring the kids there this past Sunday.

dk, just yell when you make it back to Philly. I'm game for hanging out with you, JB and Gubby, and any of the other locals here who would want to. I think it would be a blast.

No scrapple for me though! I'll do cheesesteaks, soft pretzels, Italian water ice or Tastykakes, but yuck! no scrapple for me!

[jellybean40]

Dinosaur...

you never need a vacation! sounds like you have one every day!

[jellybean40]

Originally posted by dkiefner:

KK, how could you leave out the Franklin Institute??? Now I'll have to come up to Philly and take you and Jellybean there. Afterwards, we can meet Gubby and get some scrapple.

woohoooo...

i have great memories of the Franklin Institute and school field trips. too bad i havent been back since then...but now i want to.

[Dinosaur]

I'm very familiar with tourist attractions in Philadelphia even though I haven't been to see them since I was a kid. From anywhere in the city I can give accurate directions to all of them, or at least provide sufficient instruction to guarantee that the next time an individual stops for directions they'll be far away from where he or she found me.

I tour the city almost everyday but I've never really thought of myself as a tourist. I consider myself more of a professional sightseer. I like to begin my day by meeting with a group of associates in a scruffy room in a run down building on the edge of town. One of my colleagues will make sure we're all there and sometimes he'll then tell scary stories about hapless tourists and their unfortunate encounters with the locals. Most guy's write this stuff down but I've already heard all of the stories and they've been long since committed to memory.

After the meeting, I go outside to check my touring car and make sure the natives haven't stolen the hubcaps during the night. I check underneath and all around, too, 'cause there's a couple of other guys who use the same car and now and then they'll smash into something and forget to tell anyone about it. White-out blends well with the paint so I have to look close.

Since the gas tank seems always to be empty, I'll stop at the pumps to fill up before heading to the Wawa for a free cup of joe, after that I'm off to downtown for a day of watching the scenery.

I like August best for seeing the sights. The city's much less crowded, with most everyone at the shore, and the lady office workers wear their lightest, and most translucent, summer garb to beat the heat.

Early in the morning I usually post myself near the exits from the high-speed line to observe the Jersey tomatoes pour from the subway tunnels on their way to work. If it's a windy day.....and they're the best, I'll be sure to look for them again at lunch time when they come out from their buildings, along with the local ladies, to blithely wander the streets and provide sightseeing opportunities to myself and my fellows, avid afficionados of pulchritude all.

Periodically, during the course of my languid meandering through the city, I hear voices. They're not in my head....at least I don't think they are, but seem to emanate from somewhere in the vicinity of the dashboard of my car. I've learned to do what the voices tell me, lest I lose the opportunity to further enjoy my daily jaunts. The things they have me do are invariably entertaining anyway, so I actually don't mind the distraction, and besides, it helps to break up the day.

Roundabout the middle of the afternoon, I drive back to the meeting place and drop off my car. I make sure to leave an empty tank of gas for the next guy.....fair being fair, and all. I meet again with my cohorts before we all wave bye and then go home to rest up for the next day.

For those who may think that this alternative to mundane and pedestrian tourism sounds like fun (and why wouldn't you?), I can be persuaded occasionally to take guests along on my journeys. Special preference, of course, is given to comely applicants in gauzy flowered sundresses.

[ 06-25-2002: Message edited by: Dinosaur ]

[dkiefner]

As Nite say, the whole state of Florida is a tourist tra...er...attraction.

KK, how could you leave out the Franklin Institute??? Now I'll have to come up to Philly and take you and Jellybean there. Afterwards, we can meet Gubby and get some scrapple.

[shadows]

Tourist attraction? Up here? I suppose you all could look at me! Actually, you're supposed to go to Mount Desert Island (without bringing your car and polluting all the traffic waves), and you're supposed to look at the Paul Bunyon statue, and you have to eat lobster and buy a little pail of real blueberries that have since been turned fake and go on a whale watch. And if you don't fall overboard, you're supposed to go home because we don't really want you, just your money.

[ 06-25-2002: Message edited by: shadows ]

[JKT]

Originally by Don:

Hmmm, you must be older that I thought possible Jack???? You have a university there? Come on man, you must have SOME scenery that goes with that!

Oh, yeah, there is plenty of eye candy there. Not to mentions the other 2 universities and the junior college extension here

But the archetecture is the one thing that everyone agrees on!

You could say I'm getting old. Only 8 years until my first retirement date.

Originally by Jill:

lol...
the prairie dog town sounds cool...there is a small one at the Cape May Zoo..lol

Yes, it was pretty cute at one time. Now, they have doubled the size of the colony, but the retaining wall is still in the original location!!

[Don]

Originally posted by JKT:


At least you have "the ditch"

All we have here is cotton fields, sorgum (sp) fields, vinyards (yes, we have wineries here), cotton fields, prairie dog town, a large university with a beautiful Spanish-style archetecture,

Hmmm, you must be older that I thought possible Jack???? You have a university there? Come on man, you must have SOME scenery that goes with that!: