Curious: Who spanks your kids (if you believe in corporal punishment)?

[TC]

My wife has to do it. When I was a rookie I worked a call where a 2 year old boy was beat to death by his father. I swore I'd never lay a hand on my children after seeing this. However, I steadfastly believe in corporal punishment. It provides instant results in behavioral modification, but I personally can't do it.

To the officers: do you both spank, is it just you or does your spouse do it for you?

[Sparky]

Spanking has it's place, but fear of punishment only changes behavior temporarily. Corporal punishment alone does not work in the long term.

I and Mrs. Sparky try to impart good attitudes and beliefs which will be the source of good decision making for a lifetime. We aren't just training our children to follow rules out of fear, we are also trying to teach them good decision making and responsibility. They don't need to understand these concepts. Such things can be born from habit.

Any punishment type of discipline (spanking, time-outs, etc.) only works short term and if a child reasonably fears getting caught. However, a change in attitudes and beliefs will work better long term with children who are internally motivated to make good decisions even when the "rule enforcers" are not around.

[Bill R]

Kids are grown. the granddaughter we are raising is now 10 so we don't currently spank. When kids are younger spanking is about all that works . or at least a reasonable fear that spanking wiil be the punishment. Constant threats do not work. Our granddaughter now has privileges which can be suspended. When spanking was the punishment, it was administered by the one that saw the crime. IMO with younguns the punishment needs to be swift for them to associate the spanking with the behavior.

[ 05-12-2003, 01:57 PM: Message edited by: Bill R ]

[nickg]

my son is 17 and i'll give him a whack when needed. and if he's 37 i'll STILL do the same!!!

but i usually leave the dungeon torture sessions to my wife.

[ 05-12-2003, 01:58 PM: Message edited by: nickg ]

[Pigskin]

Both of our sons as well as kids we kept understood that doing something wrong could result in a spanking. Spanking is just one form of punishment & may not be for everyone. It should not be the first line of punishment as well. And do not equate spanking with beating. No one is allowed to BEAT their child. I've known a couple of parents who do not believe in spanking & their children came out just fine. I've also seen some kids who were holy terrors & the parents would not lift a finger & had no control whatsoever.

Saw a promo of a show with Dr. Phil & the topic was children out of control. A woman had put her young child (under 10) in the corner for a "time-out" & the child turned & spit on her & then ran away. The mother was wanting to know what she should have done. Dr. Phil's answer was that at the time he spit "his whole world should have caved in on him".

[Spiderman]

My wife and I both do. I listened to a man who brought his daughter into the men's room at a restaurant. I really appreciated his method. He brought her into a stall (a private area), asked her if she remembered what he had told her not to do (which she did) and asked her if she remembered what would happen if she did it again (spanking...she remembered). Then he spanked her. He took the time to speak with her and she understood why she was getting spanked. In so doing, he also took the time to calm down. I remember thinking, "That was so full of love." She, I'm sure, will become a better person for it. Just by his style (and his dreadlocks) I'm confident that was not the only method of discipline that he employed. But as has already been said, sometimes that is the only way.

[PeacefulDragon]

I may be too new a parent to have much credibility here (but then again, credibility is SO overrated. ).

Both my wife and I were spanked as kids (her rarely; me routinely, at least until The Ultimatum: Dad: "you can either go to bed now, or stay up watching TV and get a spanking." me: "OK, I'll go for the spanking & TV" -- once he realized I didn't really care about the spankings, I never got another one).

However, we do not (and will not) spank our son who is now almost 3 years old. We have our reasons, but I don't want to share them here since it would probably sound (without intending it to) like I was trying to tell the people who do spank that they are "wrong" and we are "right" -- that's not something I want to do (nor is it something I believe).

I just wanted to point out that for us at least, not spanking seems to work fine (so far).

We discipline our son in a variety of ways -- the most common of which is simply to let him know that we're unhappy with his behavior (i.e., we briefly withold the fun time that we would otherwise be spending with him). But being a 2 year old, he does try to test the boundaries. In these case we create consequences for him (other than spanking), such as withhold something he wants ("if you decide to behave, I'll decide to let you have/do XYZ"). We also spend time explaining to him WHY we want him to do or not do something. And we're consistent.

So far, the non-spanking approach is working great -- our son is extremely well-behaved and has the sweetest disposition. He's in preschool this year, and the teachers are constantly going on and on about how wonderful he is.

Again, I'm definitely not trying to criticize those of you who do spank. I just wanted to provide another viewpoint on the issue. Obviously, with only 3 years of fatherhood under my belt, I can't claim that our approach works in the long run; only that it seems to be working so far. And finally, what works for one set of parents & children won't necessarily work for others.

[ 05-12-2003, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: PeacefulDragon ]

[InSane1]

Spank....... Yep... and with a belt.... (over the clothes) I know some people do it bare ***. But that's too cruel.

Also, I have slapped my 10 year old once. It was quick.... and startled her. She never sassed and screamed like that again.

[207]

My daughter is 11 years old and so far no type of corporal punishment has been used nor has there been a reason to.
Maybe she's had her fill of punishment by competing in full contact Tae Kwon Do... I know she's gotten her "bell" rung a few times at tournaments.

[SO 5150]

Our daughters are 2 and 4. My wife and I will both spank them if they deserve it (I'm just better at it thanks to all that defensive tactics training in the academy ...J/K). Every time we've done it we explain why they're being spanked, what will bring future spankings, and make sure they understand. They're both brilliant and typically well behaved kids so they know when they're going to get a spanking before we even do it. I'm biased but I think they're turning into the two best kids anyone could have .

[TC]

Our absolute worst method of discipline is a teaspoon of vinegar. Yep, the kids will BEG for spankings just so they don't have to drink the vinegar.

Vinegar is very good for you, but is very acrid tasting. One dose of vinegar is usually good for a whole month of good behavior.

[jellybean40]

I dont have kids. I was spanked as a small child, i'm talking a swat or two on the butt. To me, it worked. I was afraid of it happening...not that it hurt that bad, but to me, it made me respect my mom. Wrong or right. When i got to be a teen, the swat was across the mouth when i smart-mouthed. Trust me, it made me think before something foul or mean was going to come out of my mouth! If it was something i really felt i had to say, i said it and RAN!

If people have important reasons for not doing it, that's fine. One of my sisters didnt believe in it, and her kids were horrible. Dont know if that's the reason or not.

[auntysuz63]

I don't have kids either, but I don't think spanking is necessarily a bad thing. I got paddled a few times. The thing I remember most is follow through...if my parents said it, I believed it, as in, "If you do that again, I will spank you." Unless I REALLY wanted a spanking (yeah right), I didn't do it again. I grew up respecting my parents' authority. I also grew up believing my parents, not just about punishments and discipline, but everything, because my parents followed through and didn't BS. An unfortunate side effect, and something my parents couldn't possibly have known would happen, I grew up believing people were basically honest (because my parents were) and it took a long, long time to realize not everyone was like them.

Spanking wrong? I don't think so. Wrong not to do it? I don't think so. It's all according to your parenting style.

[n567]

I only got spanked twice in my younger years... One was using the toilet bowl for my tooth brush (the sink was so far up there, dang it!), and darting into a street... Otherwise my parents did a good job of imparting good behavior onto us kids.

I'd like to think that if I ever become a parent, I'll never need to spank the kids, but I have a feeling things won't turn out quite that way...

[Dukeboy01]

We spank our daughter on occasion. We try to reserve it for behaviors that would hurt her a lot more if she continued in them like messing with electrical outlets and stuff. Taking favorite toys away and putting them in the closet for a couple of days has also been effective, especially when we make her pick the toy herself out of three or four that we know are among her favorites.

If you're gonna spank, you got to do it while they're young, along with good instruction and moral upbringing so that they make the right decisions even if you're not there to monitor them like somebody mentioned before. I've seen too many parents who failed to get their kids lined out when they were little and are now wondering why their 15 year old is such an a**hole.