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You've gotta be kidding me.....

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  • You've gotta be kidding me.....

    The things I find myself getting into....

    'Dispatch, 411?'

    'Go ahead.'

    'We just received a call from a woman saying there's a snake in her dining room and she'd like it removed.'

    I'm not kidding....

    'Uhhhh, 10-4.' All the time I'm thinking 'How in the hell am I gonna do THIS?!'

    A few minutes later, I roll up to the address given, followed shortly by my 'backup', who's laughing himself silly as he exits his car. At least he didn't get out with his shotgun. This guy HATES snakes more than I do.

    Long story short...the lady is outside her house, visibly shaken. I ask her to describe the snake and give me the last location she saw it.

    'It's about 4 feet long and has a diamond pattern on its back.'

    Lovely....

    I'm praying it's a chicken snake(sounds like it), but am preparing myself for worse.

    My partner and I enter the house, me first, naturally.....and began moving furniture around so we can have room to move(run like hell) if needed. The snake is exactly where she said it was...coiled up in a corner in her dining room, right under a chair.

    My partner focuses his light on the snake so I can try to see what we're dealing with. OK...it appears to be about 4-5 feet long, slender body, diamond patterned...but wrong kind of head to be a BAD one....I hope. Looks like a chicken snake. Whew!

    Looking around, I grab a broom and a large trashcan. The 'plan' is to herd the snake(with the broom) into the trashcan and take it outside. I tip the chair forward and move it out of the way.

    GREAT plan....but the snake ain't buying it. It attempts to 'escape' under the china cabinet. I pin it to the floor with the broom, then 'sweep' it back into the corner from which it came.

    Let's try this again. Nope...ain't happening. I really DON'T like snakes, but I don't really want to kill it, either. I mean, as snakes go, a chicken snake is a good snake. Riiiight.

    Finally, after about 10 minutes of TRYING to be nice, I tell my partner to grab my ASP and when I tell him to, use it on the snake.

    'Say WHAT?!'

    Yep...that's the response he gave me. Remember. This guy is deathly afraid of snakes. This snake is 4-5 FEET long. My ASP is only 22 inches long.

    I finally convince him to do it. So...I repin the snake to the floor...right on this lady's oriental rug...give my partner the signal, and....WHACK!

    Asped by an ASP.

    Some days are DEFINITELY more interesting than others!
    "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
    -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

  • #2
    I've handled a LOT of snake calls over the years. I had two favorite weapons of choice: 1) .38 snake loads, work like a charm!
    2) Shovel.

    You see, I don't much like snakes either. I was NOT an animal control officer. I had NO sympathy for the home owner (or renter) who left their damn door open so the snake could get in, in the first place.

    "Oh gee lady, sorry about the blood and guts on your rug! Those tiny holes in the wall are easy to patch!"

    Give 'em a "little mess" to clean up and they just might think twice about either; a) leaving the damn door open, or; b) calling the damn deputy to get the damn snake out of their damn house.

    There IS a limit to "protect and serve!"
    6P1 (retired)

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    • #3
      ... my response to dispatch would be...

      "10-4... Can you contact animal control. I'll be 10-8"

      .... since when is it your job to deal with animals?

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      • #4
        Our animal control will only respond to domesticated animals. Game and Fish (DEP, whoever they are this month) only respond to animals in the wild who are a threat to the public. Our in house range and grove only respond to livestock. That leaves all others to be "...and other duties as assigned".

        I've been to my fair share of snake calls. Along with gators, turkeys, dogs, cats, horses, cattle, emus...

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        • #5
          Animal abuse!!!!! I'm gonna call PETA!!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Shooter!

            Just pin that dude down to the floor and then pick it up just behind its head.

            Into a trash bag and you're done.

            Been there, done that (a lot).

            Jim Burnes

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            • #7
              --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
              ... my response to dispatch would be...

              "10-4... Can you contact animal control. I'll be 10-8"

              .... since when is it your job to deal with animals?
              My city/county doesn't have an animal control officer. The TWRA(wildlife) officer was out of town. So, that left us.

              My only regret is that the snake wasn't a rattler. I've always wanted to eat one.
              "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
              -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

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              • #8
                What exactly is a chicken snake? Are they specific to your area? Anything like a gardner snake?

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                • #9
                  What I learned was that some snakes don't like the confrontation. With a little gentle prodding and direction with the ASP, they will move out of their cover and take the most attractive cover they can find, which could be strategically placed paper bag. For smaller ones, just throw a wastebasket over it, run some cardboard underneath, tip up and discard the snake.

                  Or, put on the Hatch gloves and grab the bastard. If it's non venomous and he bites, the gloves will give you some protection.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I had a snake call recently. We foud the snake in a kitchen drawer. My trainee at the time had a stick and a pillow case. He was trying to be the Crocodile Hunter and and do all kind of cool stuff with the snake.

                    My solution was to take the drawer outside and dump the snake. I gave the snake a verbal criminal trespass warning.
                    "Integrity is like virginity. Once it's lost, you can't get it back." --drunkhunter

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Did I mention that I don't like snakes? I guess they are OK as long as they stay OUTSIDE, where they belong.

                      However if they come into a home, they have committed a criminal trespass. That carries the death penality, if I am on scene.

                      I DON'T LIKE SNAKES!
                      6P1 (retired)

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Don:
                        I DON'T LIKE SNAKES!
                        Afraid of spiders too, Don?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by kateykakes:
                          What exactly is a chicken snake? Are they specific to your area? Anything like a gardner snake?

                          Kateykakes,

                          Chicken snakes are called that because they resemble common chickens, with white feathers and those two little feet.

                          But they don't sound like chickens at all. Such snakes are found in Oklahoma.

                          Jim Burnes

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Jim Burnes:
                            Chicken snakes are called that because they resemble common chickens, with white feathers and those two little feet.
                            I'm having a hard time picturing that.

                            Thanks, Jim. Earlier I looked online to see if I could find a pic, but apparently I didn't look hard enough. I never found what I was looking for. I was just curious because I've never heard of them.

                            kk

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                            • #15
                              Been on lots of snake calls, even one at my own house. Don't necessarily care for them but not afraid of them. Now spiders is another matter!

                              My son in the Coast Guard recently had a water moccasin drop down out of a tree into his boat in Louisiana. Everybody was scrambling to get away & drawing weapons. He stepped on it & picked it up behind its head but it wrapped around his arm. It took him a little while to get shed of it. All of the others think he's a little crazy to do such a thing. Maybe so.

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