Leader

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Angry

Collapse

300x250 Mobile

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Angry

    First a little background info about my brother and I. He's 25, he is a very smart and successful businessman. He also has 2 previous DWI's. While he's not a functioning alcoholic I think he has a binge drinking problem. We are not terribly close and have taken very different paths in life. This is not the first time I have been called to the rescue as the "cop brother." For the record I have never tried to get him special treatment for his legal troubles and despite catching grief from my mother have stated several times that he should plead guilty during both DWI's because he was in fact drunk and driving. Our father is a paraplegic from a DWI accident in the 70's. We have seen the long term consequences of drinking and driving since the day we were brought into this world.


    So I'm at an off-duty job tonight when I get a call from my brother. He wants to know if I know a certain officer. I explain I know who she is but we don't really know each other. Next thing I know I'm on the phone with her. I explain who I am and what division I work out of and she proceeds to explain to me that she has my brother and his friend pulled over and they need a ride home my brother is the passenger not the driver. In short I explained to her that I could not come pick him up because I was working. After a 10 second pause I just told her to do what she had to do to them because they should know better.

    I'm a mixed bag of emotion right now. My brother called me about 10 minutes later thanking me because he knew the officer would jam his buddy up if I hadn't talked to her. I didn't explain that I had told her to do what she had to. I asked if they were sober and he said they were "sober enough." Which tells me they were drunk. I'm angry, sad and embarrassed all at the same time. I called dispatch, got the officer's cell phone number and called her and apologized. She was very understanding and said several times that it wasn't my fault.

    I don't think I'm really looking for advice here I just needed to vent. It's like my brother doesn't understand that having a brother who is an officer isn't a get out of jail free card. It is professionally embarrassing to me every time my drunken brother approaches a cop in a bar district and explains who he is to me. It's even worse that he is calling me on a car stop to get out of stuff. I get annoyed when I stop people and I am hooking them up and they're name dropping officers. Anyway Here it is 5am and I'm still awake and I have to be back to work at 10am.
    "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimum food or water, in austere conditions, day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do---his rucksack weighs what it weighs, and he runs until the enemy stops chasing him. The True Believer doesn't care 'how hard it is'; he knows he either wins or he dies. He doesn't go home at 1700; he is home. He knows only the 'Cause.' Now, who wants to quit?"

  • #2
    Why not just tell him to not mess with your professional life? I would tell him to not mention you and don't call for favors. He needs to learn now that there are consequences to his actions.

    A year younger brother of mine started with the binge drinking and then it turned out to be a regular thing with him. Two weeks ago he dropped dead from a heart attack at the age of 55. That kind of drinking can and will destroy your life, I would try to get him some help. He might think it's funny now but there's a big payday coming if he doesn't shape up.

    Comment


    • #3
      Totally understand the need to vent. I don't know that I have any "magic bullet" solutions for you, and I know you weren't looking for any. In all my active duty years, I did have a rule for my relatives and friends which essentially said. "You get nailed, you're on your own". Your Brother apparently has little respect for what you do, but is quite willing to use your(our) profession to his own end. That's simply called selfishness. How you deal with that is your call. I have no illusions that the problem will simply go away. It won't be a matter of it, but a matter of when your Brother is arrested for PI, or worse DUI. I had a similar situation in my own family well over thirty years ago. While I had personal feelings, I allowed matters to take their course. In one instance that involved an arrest, time in jail, and a substantial fine. Get some sleep. If you need to talk later, we'll be here.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by JasperST View Post
        Why not just tell him to not mess with your professional life? I would tell him to not mention you and don't call for favors. He needs to learn now that there are consequences to his actions.

        A year younger brother of mine started with the binge drinking and then it turned out to be a regular thing with him. Two weeks ago he dropped dead from a heart attack at the age of 55. That kind of drinking can and will destroy your life, I would try to get him some help. He might think it's funny now but there's a big payday coming if he doesn't shape up.
        I have explained to him several times that he needs to stop using me as the get out of jail card. It's not like I can physically prevent him from name dropping me though. I can just do what I did as far as I can see and tell any officer who contacts me to do what they have to. As for his drinking he doesn't think he has a problem and mom is somewhat of an enabler. She means well but she just coddles him and won't threaten to cut him off. The only thing she could really cut off anyway is seeing him which she won't do. Financially he's probably better off than my parents and I combined. He's gonna be in a world of hurt if he gets DWI #3 though. That is a felony in these parts and I believe you lose you securities and other investment licenses should you be a felon.
        "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimum food or water, in austere conditions, day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do---his rucksack weighs what it weighs, and he runs until the enemy stops chasing him. The True Believer doesn't care 'how hard it is'; he knows he either wins or he dies. He doesn't go home at 1700; he is home. He knows only the 'Cause.' Now, who wants to quit?"

        Comment


        • #5
          I think you did good bro. You didnt try and get him out of trouble, you told the officer to do what she had to do. i see no problem with that. did your bro call you out of his own will or did the officer tell him to call you for a ride?

          its hard being in that spot. dont put your reputation or career on the line for him. you worked damned hard to get what you have. dont squander it on a favor, even for a relative. you screwing yourself helps nobody. your bro is an adult and has to learn to live with his actions.

          as others have said, tell him to not use you as a get out of jail free card. youre a relative, not a resource.
          Originally posted by crass cop
          Just do it in front of a camera and try not to get a boner and you shoudl be fine.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by LaPlaca View Post
            I think you did good bro. You didnt try and get him out of trouble, you told the officer to do what she had to do. i see no problem with that. did your bro call you out of his own will or did the officer tell him to call you for a ride?

            its hard being in that spot. dont put your reputation or career on the line for him. you worked damned hard to get what you have. dont squander it on a favor, even for a relative. you screwing yourself helps nobody. your bro is an adult and has to learn to live with his actions.

            as others have said, tell him to not use you as a get out of jail free card. youre a relative, not a resource.

            +1, Good luck...
            Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

            Comment


            • #7
              hobssie711,

              I think you helped him just by telling other officer to do what she had to do. If you did intervened and got him out, he would expect you to do the same over and over again. Let this be a lesson to him and let's hope that he doesn't do it again.

              It sounds like he needs to attend AA or to receive some professional help before he kills someone or himself with his drinking issue.

              Comment


              • #8
                I have an idiot sister (aka my mother's daughter) who likes to drop my name - her moron baby-daddy who lives in our patrol area does it too! Even worse - they're so God d**n stupid no matter how many times I have told them my title they STILL refer to me as a deputy (I'm not yet!) to other deputies which makes me look like a d**n fool to my coworkers like I'm going around telling people that I'm a deputy (to me - that's insulting to the deputies and cops - I haven't been to the academy yet and haven't earned the title - it's like the reserves that go around telling people they're cops to get free drinks or phone numbers)...the ones that work with me just tell them "Oh yeah, I know him" and then tell me about it later and tell me "I understand, I have one of those in my family too..." but still, it bothers me to no end...I feel your pain! Not EXACTLY the same, but still...
                Originally posted by RSGSRT
                We've reached a point where natural selection doesn't have a chance in hell of keeping up with the procreation of imbeciles.
                Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not acceptable for me to point it out?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by LaPlaca View Post
                  I think you did good bro. You didnt try and get him out of trouble, you told the officer to do what she had to do. i see no problem with that. did your bro call you out of his own will or did the officer tell him to call you for a ride?

                  its hard being in that spot. dont put your reputation or career on the line for him. you worked damned hard to get what you have. dont squander it on a favor, even for a relative. you screwing yourself helps nobody. your bro is an adult and has to learn to live with his actions.

                  as others have said, tell him to not use you as a get out of jail free card. youre a relative, not a resource.
                  + + + + + + + + + 1

                  BTDT----you did what you needed to do. Good job on calling the officer back and explaining. That will go far with your co-workers even if you brother is a problem.
                  Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                  My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I don't see a problem either.

                    Me personally I tell other officers, don't bother calling me, because my answer will always be "hook em' " I hate when people drop names on me and I would expect my friends, family, ect to not use my name to clean up their screwups.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks for the support guys.
                      "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimum food or water, in austere conditions, day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do---his rucksack weighs what it weighs, and he runs until the enemy stops chasing him. The True Believer doesn't care 'how hard it is'; he knows he either wins or he dies. He doesn't go home at 1700; he is home. He knows only the 'Cause.' Now, who wants to quit?"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You did fine! I also had a family member who played the Cop relative card. Sadly it did help him in several situations. I NEVER got involved with his troubles. After serving 3 months in jail, he is starting to come around
                        "a band is blowing Dixie double four time You feel alright when you hear the music ring"


                        The real deal

                        Outshined Pujulesfan Bearcat Chitowndet Sgt Slaughter jthorpe M-11 Lt Borelli L-1Sgt CHP Nikk Smurf Presence1 IcecoldblueyesKimble LADEP ateamer ChiCity R.A.B. Jenners IrishMetal GoldBadge willowdared Monkeybomb PhilipCal pullicords Chit2001 Garbageman Narco CruiserClass Fuzz 10-42Trooper Tex4720 irishlad2nv bajakirch OnThe gurmpyirishmanNYIlliniSgtScott31 CityCopDCcgh6366 FJDave

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I can feel your frustration. Sincerely. I despise it when people try and use me as a get out of jail free card. You did really well. I don't see how you could have handled it different.

                          Recently I had a gal get jammed up on a dui. She asked me on several occasions to hook up with her. I politely let her down. I was out patrolling when I got a call from an officer in my jurisdiction. He told me he had such and such stopped and she was hammered. She was telling him that me and her were dating and asked for a break. He was prepared to give her one. I explained the situation to him and told him to throw the book at her. I briefly spoke with her on the phone and told her once again we are not going out and every time she throws my name out I am going to make sure the officer hammers her. The officer arrested her for felony dui and she has not spoken with me since.

                          I had a family member pull the same crap. The officer called me on the phone and asked me about him. I told him to go stand next to the guy so he could hear the radio traffic. I got on the air and told the officer to go code 18 with him (arrest) and not allow him to use my name because I would arrest him myself if I had stopped him. Family member not to happy about that but oh well. I work to doggone hard and have different viewpoints on life to have relatives think I will be there to help them avoid accountability.

                          My brother has a problem with drugs. He grew up wanting to be a cop. He got tied up on weed then cocaine and acid. It eventually led to him doing a burglary and going to prison. For quite some time, over 20 years, he remained clean. He had his own business and was living the dream. Very wealthy. He lived in a very exclusive neighborhood. For the most part everyone in the neighborhood owned their own businesses. My brother got to be friends with a neighbor who had a coke habit. Bro got right back into the drugs. He is now spending his time living at different locations with friends. Once he wears them out or the ticket runs out he moves to another location. He lost his wife and his money. Pretty much every thing was foreclosed on. It was completely heartbreaking. I felt wretched for him but I could not do anything for him. He lives in another state so thankfully it would not be effective for him to drop my name. I hate to see him fail but man. He lived that lifestyle before and I figured he would learn from it.

                          Keep your chin up. It might seem harsh, and I do not intend it to be, but family members need to understand we have a job to do and even though we don't want to see our relatives arrested they live their own lives and we are not responsible for them.
                          Prov 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It sounds like your brother is toxic for you.
                            sigpic

                            I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You did all that you could. You made it clear to the other officer that you were not that kind of guy.

                              If it happens again, instead of telling the officer to do what they gotta do... just tell them to throw the book at him and his friends like Pujolsfan did.

                              Family or not... there is no reason to risk your reputation and career over his wrong doings.

                              Comment

                              MR300x250 Tablet

                              Collapse

                              What's Going On

                              Collapse

                              There are currently 4730 users online. 284 members and 4446 guests.

                              Most users ever online was 26,947 at 07:36 PM on 12-29-2019.

                              Welcome Ad

                              Collapse
                              Working...
                              X