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  • Kinky calls...

    post deleted
    Last edited by avalon42; 03-13-2015, 05:44 PM.

  • #2
    Felony warrant service on a hotel room in Hollywood one night.....

    Knock and announce, no response, use the key to open the door to see a naked man run toward the bathroom with a large purlpe "device" hanging from him like a tail and another guy sitting on the bed holding both a can of butane and a small turkey baster (never figured out what the hell the butane was for as I was afraid to ask).

    The guys running for the bathroom proned himself out on the floor and the "device" stood up like a little purple flag pole of sorts. The 5 officers and Sgt standing at the door all froze is place as if we were all waiting for the other one to take the initiative to go into the room and start taking people into custody. After a short stare down the first 3 went in as planned and my partner and I followed as cover officers with the Sgt laughing hysterically still outside the door. The hooks go on the two guys and we ask, is anyone else inside the room, "Nope" was the quick response... then the toilet flushed. My partner opened the bathroom door to discover a naked man, taking a dump, while smoking a meth pipe while another naked man was "smoking his pipe" The two in the bathroom were so caught up in what they were doing they didn't hear us knock, yell at the other guys, enter etc.

    The night ended up with 2 parolees at large in custody, one is custody for meth and the original warrant suspect in custody, a funny *** story and a TON of hand sanitizer and gloves were used. And just to make sure our report was complete we took about 100 pictures of the hotel room to document the evidence.

    For anyone wondering, the suspect removed the "flagpole" himself before being cuffed....
    Originally Posted by VegasMetro
    maybe it’s me but I think a six pack and midget porn makes for good times?????

    Comment


    • #3
      My oh my...

      Comment


      • #4
        We had a girl high on meth who was inserting her closed fist into her... rump... while in the jail cell. She was also demanding that an officer come have "relations with her" (she was much more crude in her demands)

        Comment


        • #5
          Oh, this thread has so much potential.
          There are basically two kinds of people in this world. Those that believe in the moon landing and those that don't.
          http://unistat76.blogspot.com/

          Comment


          • #6
            Another Hollywood caper where a unit had a guy "prowling" in a parking lot looking into cars. He was carrying a suitcase. They figured he was the perfect car burglar and detained him. Opening the old style suitcase they found monster dildos, butt plugs, and big black electrician gloves. I can't recall what they arrested him on but when they got to jail and strip searched him he had a "plug" inserted, shall we say, "in the tailpipe." He said it was the only way to control his bowels as his sphincter muscles had been stretched out due to his "hobby" of being explored up there. I think about the only thing which hadn't made the trip into this guy's colon was a greyhound bus.

            I, personally, had a naked girl on a hillside in Rampart with a garden hose inserted in her nether region. She was trying to get rid of "whatever had crawled up inside her". I turned the hose off in order to talk her into removing it. Too late, she'd built up a vacuum and it could not be removed until we added some incoming water. By the time the paramedics were on scene, she had it out, but then started releasing air, and finally a jet spray of water. The Bellagio fountains couldn't have put on a more amusing show. I found out that story is still being shared, back at LAPD, by one of the responding woman officers who arrived on scene.

            Edited to add: Forgot about this one...one night I'm on patrol when a guy hails me over and tells me there's a guy fisting himself on the curb about 100 feet away. I grabbed the Poloroid and snapped his photo. I was buddies with radio DJ/comic 'The Greaseman' at the time. He had me call in to tell the story, while his crew added sound effects, complete with the "suck and pop noise" and the buzzing of several flys.
            Last edited by Kieth M.; 05-03-2011, 07:55 AM.
            "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

            Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

            Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

            Comment


            • #7
              Went to assist EMS on a call. 60-70 year old woman at home in her hospital style bed with something that looked like a piece of bed sheet hanging out of her "forbidden garden". Home health care nurse had arrived to discover this and called 911. The 40 something year old son was home, and, I suspect, was somehow involved. Every time I see him around town now, he does not make eye contact. Spent the day trying to poke out my minds eye. It did not work.
              If you can't convince them, confuse them
              Harry Truman

              For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root

              Henry David Thoreau

              Comment


              • #8
                Working event security at a concert that had a couple of bands that were very popular with an alternative life style. I was performing searches at the gate. I called one.... uh hum, gentleman to step forward so I could search him before he went in. I asked that he remove everything from his pockets and place it into the dish. He pulled stuff out of every pocket and says 'ok, thats it'. I proceed to have him face away from me and put his arms out like a 't'. While squeezing one of his front pockets I feel something inside. I tell him to take everything out of his pockets. He says 'I already did'. I then tell him I can feel something in his front pocket. He insists that he has nothing. So I go back to his pocket and squeez the 'item' again and tell him "this needs to come out of your pocket or you can't come inside the venue". While I still have a hold of the item he gives me a look that just gave me the creeps and tells me quietly that the item I'm squeezing is his male organ . He gives me a kind of smirk and I quickly let go, rush to the bathroom where I proceed to scrub my hands for 10 minutes. I refused to go back to searches and took over checking ID's.
                "I'm sorry, did you see my care face? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't show it to you becuase I DON'T care. Have a nice day. "

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by chad7613 View Post
                  Working event security at a concert that had a couple of bands that were very popular with an alternative life style. I was performing searches at the gate. I called one.... uh hum, gentleman to step forward so I could search him before he went in. I asked that he remove everything from his pockets and place it into the dish. He pulled stuff out of every pocket and says 'ok, thats it'. I proceed to have him face away from me and put his arms out like a 't'. While squeezing one of his front pockets I feel something inside. I tell him to take everything out of his pockets. He says 'I already did'. I then tell him I can feel something in his front pocket. He insists that he has nothing. So I go back to his pocket and squeez the 'item' again and tell him "this needs to come out of your pocket or you can't come inside the venue". While I still have a hold of the item he gives me a look that just gave me the creeps and tells me quietly that the item I'm squeezing is his male organ . He gives me a kind of smirk and I quickly let go, rush to the bathroom where I proceed to scrub my hands for 10 minutes. I refused to go back to searches and took over checking ID's.
                  Wow, this story would have gone with me to the grave!
                  MDC BLE 270

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by mtxpro752 View Post
                    Felony warrant service on a hotel room in Hollywood one night.....

                    Knock and announce, no response, use the key to open the door to see a naked man run toward the bathroom with a large purlpe "device" hanging from him like a tail and another guy sitting on the bed holding both a can of butane and a small turkey baster (never figured out what the hell the butane was for as I was afraid to ask).

                    The guys running for the bathroom proned himself out on the floor and the "device" stood up like a little purple flag pole of sorts. The 5 officers and Sgt standing at the door all froze is place as if we were all waiting for the other one to take the initiative to go into the room and start taking people into custody. After a short stare down the first 3 went in as planned and my partner and I followed as cover officers with the Sgt laughing hysterically still outside the door. The hooks go on the two guys and we ask, is anyone else inside the room, "Nope" was the quick response... then the toilet flushed. My partner opened the bathroom door to discover a naked man, taking a dump, while smoking a meth pipe while another naked man was "smoking his pipe" The two in the bathroom were so caught up in what they were doing they didn't hear us knock, yell at the other guys, enter etc.

                    The night ended up with 2 parolees at large in custody, one is custody for meth and the original warrant suspect in custody, a funny *** story and a TON of hand sanitizer and gloves were used. And just to make sure our report was complete we took about 100 pictures of the hotel room to document the evidence.

                    For anyone wondering, the suspect removed the "flagpole" himself before being cuffed....
                    This is why I really want to transfer to Hollywood Division.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dingo990 View Post
                      We had a girl high on meth who was inserting her closed fist into her... rump... while in the jail cell. She was also demanding that an officer come have "relations with her" (she was much more crude in her demands)
                      Do you actually mean the back door? I can't imagine how! What was she, a contortionist?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        One night while patrolling a distant portion of the county, I come across a car pulled off the road. In this area of the county there is literally miles between residences. I pull up to check on the car. As I reach the car, I realize the driver is laying across the front seat sans clothing. She's about a 20 year old female and I notice a VERY large... um, toy... humming away so loud I can hear it outside the car. I knock on the window and she holds up one finger, signaling me to hold on a for a second. I knock again and she "finishes". She then gets out of the car, still naked, and strikes up a conversation as if none of this was odd.

                        I can smell the weed in the car so I end up doing a search and see a large (VERY LARGE) purse sitting on the passenger floorboard. I open it up and find 10 more "devices" of various sizes inside. She ends up getting hooked for the drugs and she tells me to make sure to bring her purse along because she can't be without it... I decided to comply if for no other reason than to see the look on the jailer's faces when they logged it into her property.
                        Originally posted by kontemplerande
                        Without Germany, you would not have won World War 2.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Code6Chuck View Post
                          This is why I really want to transfer to Hollywood Division.
                          I served half of my 30 there. Ghetto cops, who transfer in, often say they'd rather be back in the ghetto, where people are "normal."
                          "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

                          Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

                          Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            ...................
                            Last edited by Code6Chuck; 02-23-2012, 04:27 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by sencless View Post
                              Wow, this story would have gone with me to the grave!
                              We've all seen the video of the officer searching the suspect and doing a nut grab!!! It happens at times.
                              "I'm sorry, did you see my care face? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't show it to you becuase I DON'T care. Have a nice day. "

                              Comment

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