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  • I have a short fuse.

    Today at work I was taken to the office and told by my manager that I have a short fuse. I wasn't written up and it wasn't an official counseling, more of a friendly talk. He said that he had not personally witnessed this but had been told in passing by several other employees that they think this is the case. I don't dispute this as I have been told this in the past. I don't "blow up" or go crazy or anything of the sort but I don't let anybody give me a hard time and if they try I give them a hard time back. I believe that this is in part to my law enforcement training where you don't let anyone give you crap. The people who treat me respectfully I treat with respect and the people who give me crap I am not quite so nice to. I understand that I am no longer a law enforcement officer and that I need to get many habits under control that as a law enforcement officer may be acceptable but while not in law enforcement are not acceptable.

    I told my manager I would address the issue and that the constructive criticism is welcome and warranted. Also I don't think it is acceptable for LEOs to act inappropriately and I am not trying to use this as an excuse to justify my behavior. I do want to correct this but could use some advice. I think this is only a PART of the reason for the observations by my coworkers. The only reason that I think my time as an LEO is a factor is because I never had this issue come up before I was an LEO. It has only seemed to surface since I turned in my badge and gun. The other part is that I just don't like jerks, idiots, or people who think they know everything and have to tell you that you are wrong on every stinking little insignificant issue.

    So my question is for those of you in law enforcement, those of you that are no longer in law enforcement, and those of you that were never in law enforcement but may have some insight on this issue is, how do I get away from my habits and second nature responses that I learned in the academy and picked up on the job? Many of these were crucial as an LEO to the survival of my partners and myself but as a waiter are unacceptable. I am very respectful to the customers and the manager. What ever they ask for I give them ASAP, but I tend to run into trouble with a few of the other waitstaff. I am a fun jovial person and try to get along with everybody and act professional but when people give me a hard time or act like a jack wagon I tend to....well.... have a "short fuse" as my manager put it today.

    *EDIT* Also if you are going to be sarcastic, rude or act like a jack wagon please don't reply. I consider this a serious issue and would really like some actual advice. I know I am not perfect and never will be. This is only one of many issues I have but it is one that I think I can work on and correct. Thank you.
    Last edited by Mr. Green; 04-06-2011, 01:40 AM.
    The only thing I hear when you say anything is "blah blah blah I'm a dirty whore".

    Originally posted by Michigan
    I don't want to sound gay...

    But I'd do him.
    Do you like airplanes and aviation??JOIN http://forums.officer.com/forums/group.php?groupid=20

    My goal is to have the longest most annoying signature line ever.

  • #2
    I can certainly relate to this, as I have run into the same issues myself.

    Most people outside of law enforcement don't understand what it's like, and have no desire to. The only advice I can really give you is just always remember you're not on the streets anymore. It's tough to break it once you have it though; think of how much time and effort was expended creating the muscle memory and temperament to do the job.

    I went from LE to corporate security for a critical infrastructure industry. I am surrounded by a mix of former LE, former military, and (extremely soft) civilians. So, this environment definitely isn't the worst it could be, but it's still nothing like the urban, moderately busy police department I have prior experience with.
    -Andy

    Live Free or Die

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    • #3
      I have seen plenty of officers remain calm and in control without loosing control. I do not think it has anything to do with the job, that a person can not control themselves under duress.

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with you David. I don't lose control. I just have a tendency to become agitated easily. I think this is what people are referring to. While that may have nothing to do with law enforcement I still could use some constructive advice.
        The only thing I hear when you say anything is "blah blah blah I'm a dirty whore".

        Originally posted by Michigan
        I don't want to sound gay...

        But I'd do him.
        Do you like airplanes and aviation??JOIN http://forums.officer.com/forums/group.php?groupid=20

        My goal is to have the longest most annoying signature line ever.

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        • #5
          People who have a short fuze usually do not realize it.

          If you are aware of the issue, and are looking to pin it's cause on your former employment, it is more likely that it is an attitude problem and you are looking at a short temper as an excuse.

          Try being nice.

          M-11
          “All men dream...... But not equally..
          Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it is vanity;
          but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
          for they act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible.....”

          TE Lawrence

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          • #6
            I'm going to begin at the end of your post. I'm not certain what your definition of rude or sarcastic is, nor do I know how one qualifies as a jack wagon by your standards. I believe you've been hanging around these forums long enough to know that posters don't get to dictate the replies to their posts, or the manner in which your posts are replied to. Now to your issue. I don't know what your motivation was in leaving the Border Patrol and becoming a waiter. I don't know you, but I can totally understand and relate to some of the issues you raise. In any type of public contact work putting up with a certain amount of BS comes with the territory. How much you put up, and how you manage that are pretty much judgment calls. I believe it's an accurate statement that your current occupation probably requires you to put up with considerably more crap than your duties as an Officer. Your current employer probably isn't going to "have your back", at least not in the manner you'd expect in a LE scenario. I'm not a therapist, I don't do TV talk shows,so I don't know that I have any real sage advice for you. The fact that your boss called you in for a little "unofficial" counseling might be a hint that you need to modify some aspects of your behavior. The term self control comes to mind. A certain percentage of your clientele will always be certified jerks, and probably wouldn't tip even if you gave them 120% service. That comes with the territory. Seems like the old adage "The customer is always right" applies in your current situation, and that's the assumption you'll have to proceed on. How you do that is largely up to you. The only suggestion I can make is that you apply the principals of self control and self discipline you should already know . Hope things work out for you.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by David Hineline View Post
              I have seen plenty of officers remain calm and in control without loosing control. I do not think it has anything to do with the job, that a person can not control themselves under duress.
              A person can still be perfectly calm and still be perceived as having a short fuse.

              For example, on a call you probably aren't going to take cr*p from someone for too long before taking action or at the very least trying to regain control of the situation (verbally or otherwise).

              I know plenty of people in the food service industry, it is amazing the crap that managers and waiters have to put up with from people making huge deals out of minor issues all way to people trying to lie, cheat and steal their way into getting a free. My neighbor is a manager Applebee's, as he tells me those stories I'm always thinking "wow, someone would be in cuffs if I was there".

              As for getting along with coworkers, in law enforcement it is generally acceptable to say something like "Hey d*uche, turn your radio on, I'm tried of catching your calls" to another officer. Try that in the civilian world, someone will go crying to manager and you'd probably be written up.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Dingo990 View Post
                As for getting along with coworkers, in law enforcement it is generally acceptable to say something like "Hey d*uche, turn your radio on, I'm tried of catching your calls" to another officer. Try that in the civilian world, someone will go crying to manager and you'd probably be written up.
                ^^^^^^^THIS is pretty much what I am referring to. I have no issues with customers. Customers love me. My boss even told me during our talk he thinks I do a great job, I work hard make an effort, and to keep it up. It's just that when I have called a few coworkers out on their BS they apparently went crying to the manager. I am very blunt, I don't sugarcoat things and when people act like an idiot and think they can pull their BS with me I tell them using very kind words but in a very understandable tone of voice to go F themselves. I'm not there to make friends. I have friends. If people at work want to be my friend then great I will be their friend, but if they don't and want to pull stupid BS then I have no time for people like that. Treat me with respect and I will do anything I can to help you out, both professionally and personally, but be a jerk and I'll tell you to go jump off a cliff.

                Originally posted by PhilipCal View Post
                I believe you've been hanging around these forums long enough to know that posters don't get to dictate the replies to their posts, or the manner in which your posts are replied to.
                This is true, people have the ability to respond in anyway they please, but just because they can does it really mean they should? Why can't people understand that when someone is asking a serious question that it deserves a serious response. It drives me nuts when people use the line that you used. This forum doesn't belong to you just as much as it doesn't belong to me. Therefor I have just as much of a right to ask for respectful responses as people have to not give me a respectful response. Your response, however, was quite respectful and I did appreciate it. I just don't understand why people seem to go out of their way to be jerks on here sometimes. All I was saying is that if people want to be a jerk and don't have anything of value to add then please don't respond. It's a simple and easy request and if people can't honor it then it just goes to show what kind of person they really are.
                The only thing I hear when you say anything is "blah blah blah I'm a dirty whore".

                Originally posted by Michigan
                I don't want to sound gay...

                But I'd do him.
                Do you like airplanes and aviation??JOIN http://forums.officer.com/forums/group.php?groupid=20

                My goal is to have the longest most annoying signature line ever.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Mr. Green...
                  I TOTALLY understand what you are saying regarding a "short fuse". After I retired from LE after 35+ years, I found myself not wanting to deal with the idiots either! What I DID find is that using my past profession was an excuse for not modifying my behavior. You say the customers "love you", but you have a hard time dealing with your peers...could it be you are trying to establish some kind of dominance in the waiter-waitress pecking order? You want to be respected, but at what cost? I suggest you take a look at how you relate to your peers, kick back and try to understand what it's like from their point of view. Food service is a cut-throat business and everyone is scrambling! If you truly want to change, you will! If you can't, then accept the fact you are what you are, and a "short fuse" is part of the package. All I can tell you is that in the grand scheme of things, it just ain't worth it! Good luck and stay loose...
                  Ski

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                  • #10
                    In LE or the military environment, everyone had to rely on each other because lives depend on it. More like brotherhood and helping and looking out for eachother. In Civilian world, you look at them in different way or accidentally bump in to them, they will not hegitate to call HR on you or throw you under the bus.

                    As to having a short fuse, I don't think it has anything to do with being a former LEO or not, but rather more of a personal trait. Whenever someone tries to get to me, I just walk away and don't let it bother me. You know they say "out of sight, out of mind". Remember, those people thrive and enjoy watching other people getting p***ed off. Don't give them a satisfaction. Learn to walk away.

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                    • #11
                      At least I'm not the only one.
                      Hang in there.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sounds to me like you work with a bunch of pansies that get all worked up if someone(you) is assertive with them.

                        Do they know that you are former LEO? If that is the case, perhaps the issue is not so much with you as it is with their disrespect for authority, specifically LEO's.
                        sigpic

                        "Po Po coming through!" all rights reserved DJS



                        'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

                        http://www.snipercompany.com/

                        M16/AR15/M4 Armorer

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                        • #13
                          Once a cop.....................always a cop. I tried the civilian world for over two years. Dropped out of LE altogether. I needed the break big time. I was burned out from the job and my supervisors.
                          But, I was extremely lost in the civilian world. Don't get me wrong, I have healthy relationships outside of LE, and interest, but working jobs other than LE was a struggle for me.
                          Hence, why I'm back in the game.
                          Being a cop gave me and gives me the purpose in life I need.
                          It's hard to remember you're a normal Joe now, but I'd say it's absolutely essential for you.
                          Time heals most things, and given enough time I'm sure you'll adjust to the civilian world. If you can't........................hmmmmmm you may want to get back in the game?

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                          • #14
                            Slowdown. Breath. Count to 10. Unless something is a safety issue there is no need to react quickly.
                            Last edited by ryker; 03-29-2012, 08:44 AM.
                            Any views or opinions presented by this prenomen are solely those of a burlesque author and do not necessarily represent those of a LEA or caementum couturier.

                            nom de plume

                            This is the internet- take all information with a grain of salt. Such could be valid and true or could be typed just for playing devils advocate.

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                            • #15
                              It isn't necessarily true in your case, but you may need voice coaching. I always try to treat people in a business like manner when I am at work. Some see it as brusk. It isn't meant to be, only business, just trying to get the job done in the most efficient manner.

                              example:

                              Harry, move that pallet over by the door out to the laoding dock. (me)

                              Harry, will you please move that pallet from over by the door out to the loading dock? Thank You. (more polite me)

                              Then one day I woke late, rolled over, and told my wife what time it was and that she needed to get ready for work. She told me later I sounded panicked. Panicked? All I did was tell her it was 8:00 and she needed to get ready for work. She still had plenty of time, Nothing to panic over.

                              So maybe this explains some of the misconceptions / miscommunications I have had at work.

                              Maybe you have a similar problem
                              Last edited by kingsman; 04-06-2011, 09:02 AM. Reason: enter examples
                              Though their numbers are many, as the grass upon the field, we will count them at the end of the day.

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