Spanking Children in Public

[AutumnAngel]

I know everyone has different beliefs about discipline -- I was raised with spankings and I don't think it has affected me in a negative way. So, naturally this is how I discipline my 4 year old daughter when she acts up. I have never had to start wailing on her to make her mind; usually just one swat on her rear and she shapes up.

However, last night when we were leaving church she was being a little bratty and when I told her it was time to go she started getting louder and eventually it escalated to where she was throwing herself on the ground etc. Hmmm...so what to do?

All I could picture was that woman in the parking lot of that store last year beating her child and all the trouble she got into -- someone could see me spank her just once and misconstrue it and interfere or worse yet, call 911 and say I was beating my kid.

Instead of calling more attention to the situation, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder and took her outside by the car and that is when I spanked her on her butt. That made her even more mad but what could I do? I don't feel comfortable spanking my daughter several times in front of people, mainly because some people are so dead against it and they call it abuse. I basically just ended up forcing her in the car and she screamed all the way home. So how did I handle it when we got home? I told her that her behavior was unacceptable and put her to bed early. Anyway, I'm not sure if what I did was the right thing or if I have a right to discipline my kid the way I want to without having her taken away from me.

[shooter1201]

IMO, as long as the force used in disciplining your child is REASONABLE, it is YOUR RIGHT...as a PARENT...to discipline your child as you see fit. What you did was perfectly within your rights as a parent...even considering today's PC world.

[Bill R]

AA, if you're talking about the same lady I'm thinking of she took the kid to he car. She also went way beyond spanking. IMO, people at church of all places should understand the value of spanking. I kinda think the quicker the discipline the better. It also means those that see the spanking are more likely to have seen the misbehavior. I would have spanked her there on the spot as long as it was outside.

[Tprspouse]

I also agree that each parent can do what they see fit in raising their children, so long as it's not punching, kicking, bruising, slapping across the face, throwing on the floor, shoving, mental abuse. Spankings? Not a problem with me. If I saw someone spanking their children, I would just go about MY BUSINESS not theirs.

Us? My children for the most part don't act up enough to get a good spanking but they used to! Believe you me, if I was angry enough I'd spank and send them to their room. Their behaivor is for the most part acceptable now. My son is over his tantrums in stores!! Thank God. It's very embarrassing but I just stuck with it and got many compliments from people saying "good job! Most people would have caved in and gave them what they wanted". Maybe it made him learn his lesson because he hasn't done that in a long time. The problem I am having now is that my kids don't understand what CLEAN means. Yesterday I took EVERY SINGLE toy of my son's and put them away. He's banned from even touching a toy for a week until he learns to clean up when he's done playing. I'm sick of it. I am also conducting "sweepings". I'll give them 30 minutes notice. Then, ANYTHING....and I mean ANYTHING that is on the floor gets swept up and tossed in the garbage.

[ 02-06-2003, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Tprspouse ]

[InSane1]

I think spanking is appropriate. I commend you on how you handled the situation. My little girl used to do that. GRRRRRRR.. it made me so made.. I felt like the victim of parentification! GRRRRRRRR. Finally, I came up with something to do while we were in public. I told her and her brother before hand... that if they are acting up.... and sassing back in public.. or any other time.. I was going to count to five and if they didnt say they were sorry and stop doing whatever it was that they were doing then I would take five toys away from them (when we got home). and another additional toy for every finger it took, after that, until they appologized and stopped. OH BOY.... lol... were they ever ****ed when I actually did it and stuck to it... that was three years ago I started it.. and now they are 8 & 10. Once they see my fingers going up in a count... they immediately stop and appologize.

It only works when you take their favorite toys. they have to earn them back.. but every once in a while I whoop their *** with a belt.

KUDOS AA! you are a good momma.

[shrill]

I have nothing against spankings but I would worry that spanking in public is like a double punishment. On top of being spanked they get to be humiliated. Could that be a detriment to their self esteem? Besides there are some things that are not meant to be handled in public.

[Mitzi1]

One thing you have to to is be consistant with them. My son used to throw terrible temper tantrums, wanting a toy and each time he did, I just picked him up and we went home. He would try to hit me and I'd grab his arm and tell him never toi hit me. It took a few times but he soon learned the quickest way to NOT get what he wasnted was by throwing a tantrum. Man, he used to throw real doozies. My husband followed this rule too. If he threw a tantrum about anything, we went home. If it was nighttime, he went right to bed.
It's hard when they kick and scream and cry all the way home. My son would try to pull my hair and hit me but I knew he would and was ready for it. I just strapped him in the car seat and he could scream all the way home for all I cared.
I remember him being spanked one time by my husband because he was still screaming when we got home and threw a toy and hit my husband in the face. I'll never forget the look on his face. But my husband said, "THAT'S IT!" He gave him a spanking, gave him his bath and got him into bed. He went right to sleep. Finally, we had a nice little boy who knew that it was go home or early bedtime if he threw a fit.

[jellybean40]

I think you handled it well too. I dont have kids but spent time with my nieces and nephews when they were small, and friends' kids. i got spankings growing up, usually one or two swats like you said. that's all it took! i grew up with respect for my parents. maybe some was fear at one time, but i dont ever rememember fearing "abuse" cuz it never happened. if mom gave me one swat in public, and told me we'd discuss it when we got home, that was ENOUGH! i dont think a swat in public to a small child will hurt their self-esteem. letting them get away with murder and discussing it during a time out... ? dont get me started... saw that with one of my sister's kids...

OTOH, i've seen people dragging their kids of of stores screaming by one arm... i guess it bothers me, but i didnt see what the kid did to get to that point!

[ 02-06-2003, 04:04 PM: Message edited by: jellybean40 ]

[shooter1201]

quote:

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On top of being spanked they get to be humiliated. Could that be a detriment to their self esteem?

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This is a humanistic response. Embarrassment is one of life's experiences. It's not something to be looked at as 'life damaging'. The ONLY way a 4 year old child would look at it in that light is if an adult pressed the point. IOW, '**** happens'. Get over it and go on with life.

[wonderwoman]

I am one that doesn't believe in spankings. I also have no hesitation in going after women/men in public who I have witnessed repetively spanking their children. I am not talking about a couple swats. I am talking when they are on spank number 10 and the kid is in an extreme state of distress. This particular incident the child had bare legs and I could see the red marks appearing. I confronted her and to my surprise had some support from other women in the area. A few minutes later her husband appeared and was quite embarrassed.

How people raise their children is not my business the same way I raise mine is not their..... until such time as I witness someone who tries to call a beating a spanking!