Feelings of emptiness

[Evan]

For some time now, I have been experiencing a sense of unexplained feelings of emptiness. I am stuck in a void! I feel and see myself becoming increasingly frustrated, adjitated, and irritated with my job, coworkers, friends, and family.
I no longer enjoy nor look forwaed to my days at work. Feelings of job dissatisfaction, no advancement, just a dead end! I no longer feel a sense of belonging! I no longer care to be around the most of my cowokers, whom I have have known for the past three years and they have done nothing to me to make feel this way. I look forward to weekends and leave, as this is my relief. However, my rage soon reappears on Sunday evening just knowing that I have to go to work at the same place ans see ans deal with the same people.

It has become so noticeable that coworkers, friends, and family have started asking/ saying the following: "why are you in a bad mood, grumpy all the time, moody, ****y, act ****ed off all time to everyone/ thing, why do you always have an attitude, you never smile, you are not the same person you once were, you have changed, I have a bad attitude........etc........etc.

I took leave in June, down to the islands in the caribbean. While on leave, I felt like a whole "new" person. I was having a good time and feeling great. I returned to the person that I and others once known. I felt refreshed! However, soon after my return, my new upbeat, refreshed personality was sinking more and more each day. I try to keep a possitive outlook and attitude, but I am afraid that I have sank too far.
Guess I am stuck in a rut.
WHAT TO DO?
I don't know anymore!

[wonderwoman]

Wow......

Here are a few suggestions off the top of my head.......

Obviously you need to talk it out with others that are close to you as well as here..

It sounds like its your job thats causing the heartache.... You need to decide what it is you want to do with your life. What kind of job do you want to do? Whats your passion?

More important to is what is realistic for you to do that matches up most with what you want to do?

Its hard to answer without knowing more about you and your situation.... There are many other indicators that could impact on a response...

One thing I know is that you will get lots of advice from here. My first piece of advice would be to talk it over with your Doctor....... As I said, this could be an indicator of something else.

I wish you the very best. Please keep responding so we know you are okay and can continue to help!

[ 09-06-2001: Message edited by: wonderwoman ]

[blondie72]

Evan, feelings of emptiness and irritability are common symptomatic indicators at the onset of depression. It sounds like work is a trigger.

I agree with WW, I would advise that you consult with your doctor. A referal to a mental health professional can be made. Please do take action, these symptoms will not disappear; if untreated, they will worsen.

Please email me, if you would like to discuss this. It sounds to me like there may be more to this than simple burn- out.

[ 09-06-2001: Message edited by: blondie72 ]

[Sparky]

Evan, I feel you bro'! I have been there, and done that, and got the frequent TUMS customer t-shirt to prove it.

Is there something at work that has changed recently to make you dissatisfied?

and how old are you?

Is there anything that you like to do which gives you a sense of enjoyment? a hobby, or doing stuff?

There was a time where I was so stressed out and unhappy about stuff that I would grind my teeth at night, espacially on the night before I had to go back to work after regular days off.

I don't know if it's work, or maybe something else like Blondie said, but I know for me that even though I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it was there. Now, those times seem like they happened a hundred years ago.

Anyway, "Keep passing the open windows."

[Pigskin]

I got almost as bad a few years ago. My blood pressure was up & my attitude sucked. I would get my blood pressure checked at the annual health fair or by the technician at work & it would be high. I'd go to the doctor & it would be fine. Then one day at the doctor's office a mental patient visiting the doctor next door started a disturbance with his family members. I was asked to see if I could help. After handling the disturbance the doctor took my blood pressure & it was high. He prescribed some pills but also prescribed a reduction in workload or change of occupation. Well, police work is all I know & I had just taken a new assignment that set me up pretty good so I went in & talked with the Assistant Chief. He took a couple of my job duties & spread them out to a couple of other supervisors. It helped greatly! I began liking my job, my attitude changed, & my blood pressure has not been an issue since.

Point of story...do like WW & others said & talk it over with people there at your work. See if they can help ease some of your tensions about the job. And if you see your doctor & make it a health issue, you can have a little more leverage to get things changed. After all, a healthy & happy employee is a productive employee.

Good luck & let us know if we can help.

[Mitzi]

I'm so sorry. I had that problem one. In my case, it was depression. I was put on meds and feel a lot beter now. Hope you find what works for you!

[goodside]

I must agree with Mitzi. If you were just bored with your job, it would be one thing. All of the symptoms that you described, along with the fact that everyone else notices, has a very, very, strong indicator of depression...especially if you cannot explain WHY you logically feel the way that you do. The thing about you going on a far away vacation and feeling better only to return to work and the way you have felt before, man I actally thought that I wrote that statement. I did the exact same thing in '98.

[Mitzi]

[ 09-11-2001: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[poacher]

Evan

Hope this isn't too late of a post but I went through the same stuff. I had a crappy attitude,argued over anything,B/P was high,had frequent headaches, was buying malox so much I should've owned stock in it. Home was about the same too though no headaches.
In my Unprofessional opinion you are in the middle of some heavy duty burnout. Mine stuck about the middle of the 4th year on the streets and continued until the the begining of the 6th. Thats when I transfered to airport and my whole attitude has changed.

If you have some more time off coming use it and sit down and have a real heart to heart chat with the other half. Look at you dept with open eyes you may find that what you are doing now is causing the problems. We had a off. who got promoted to Det. he hated it. He finally requested to come back to the streets cause thats where he was happy. You may find as I did that your dept is changing and going a direction that you don't feel is right.

Do you have a supervisor that feels like the area you are in should be ran more like a corporation rather than a dept? Most cops are cops because the thought of spending 8hrs a day with 2 fifteen min. breaks are for the birds. we can't do it. I could'nt I tried. I needed the freedom to drive and be my own self.

There are alot of good ideas in posts prior to mine, look at them and decide what is right for you and yours. There is always another dept.,another job, section, whatever. But there is only one you. Being a good cop don't mean sh$% if you leave a widow and kids. Look out for yourself.

Best wishes Best luck Poacher.

[KCinAZ]

Hey Evan, First of all, you're not the first or only person who has ever felt that way. One thought: I've heard that feelings similar to what you describe can be a sign or symptom that you need to consider making some changes in your life. Think of it as an opportunity to do some serious thinking about new possibilities. And if you feel you need to, don't hesitate to get some help from a good doctor or other professional. If you want to do a little research on depression, check out webmd.com. There is some pretty good info there. Seek, and you will find. I hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted.

[koenig]

You sound like me for my current job, not LE nor close to it....

See if you can take stress leave. I took all of last summer off. Decided to join RCMP so started dieting and regular excercise, since I've got pretty big bills to pay had to work most of winter to pay them off, but kept up the excersise and diet, I'm no longer feeling like that anymore....My best friend from HS is a doctor, one night this became the topic of conversastion. He hates prescribing drugs, only does it as a last resort: the following is what he tells patients when they feel like this.

1)Take as much time off as you can from work

2)Get as much sleep as possible.

3)Go to hotel with a gym

4)eat proper healthy meals

5)work out 45-minutes every day.

6)Go back to work

Continue to maintain the sleep,excersise and proper diet, if in two months you still feel the same way, he'll look at giving you drugs.

Kinda interesting a study on ADD followed a simular regime, they found with proper sleep and basic healthy diet and excersise 99% no longer needed Ritalin!!!!!

"Healthy people rarely get depressed" my friend the Doc.

Koenig

[Joseph]

Evan,the same thing happened to me after I was injured on duty and worked light duty as a police dispatcher. I finally took a three month leave of absense thought things over and returned to the dispatch office to I could get back on the street. I did go see a doctor and realized that police work was in my blood and couldn't walk away from that.I also was given medication. There is a stressor in your life that has kicked in. Go to a doctor immediately and try and talk it out. It may be with the job or completely something different. You got to be 100% on the street or you might get hurt. Everything points to depression over something. You can't work it out your self. There are a lot of good medications out there if you need them. Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk too.

[Evan]

First and foremost, thanks for all of your concern and all the posts. Lots of good ideas. I found myself writting out "likes" and "dislikes" lists of things. Also, have been going out hiking in the woods, goingto the gym to work out and doing some good running, and hit the sauna afterwards. Even went out to the range the other day and had a good time. Finding things to do to keep me occupied.
I am feeling GREAT! but still don't like to go to work. Just the general atmosphere of the place.
Have not gone to talk to anyone, The military has a health system that I do not trust. Just by saying that I want to talk to someone, would launch a long overblown, out of proportioned responce and too many people would become involved that do not need to be. The system is totally confidential. I do not and will not become the topic of others conversations and rumors. I do not like taking pills. I will not become a pill popper nor feel that I need to have meds in order to function.
I feel even better just knowing that I am on orders for Colorado in the spring/ summer.
Once again, thanks for all the posts.

[Don]

Evan,

While it may not be any help to you to know this, know that you aren't alone. Most of us (older folks) can remember going through something like this.

It would not surprise me to find you in the 38 to 44 year age range. If so, it sounds like "male midlife crisis" is affecting you. Not at all uncommon. Sounds like you ARE doing the right things to combat it!

Good luck!