Do you feel bad after reprimanding you kids??

[nickg]

i don't yell at my kid that often. his mother does a good enough job for both of us most of the time. but when i DO ream him out he gets a good earful. and he looks scared too because he knows that if I am tearing into him it is for a damn good reason.

i gave him a good one last night because he got a progress report from school concerning his English grade. i mean over all he is a good student and always has been, but me and my wife know damn well he can do better. especially when it's for stupid stuff like not finishing an assignment, not turning in homework ("no, i don't have any homework tonight!" ), or because he's goofing in class.

so that led to me yelling about his "****ty attitude" that he has sometimes. i'll take you having a problem with a subject in school but when your attitude IS PART of the problem then I have a problem.

so my point is -- after your ream your kids a new one, do you feel bad?

i usually don't because i feel if i don't get my message across to him then nobody will. but in the same respect i'll think "did i really have to yell at him like that?" because i know how i felt after i got chewed out big time by my parents.

problem is too many parents DON'T ream the kids a new one and THAT is why they get away with so much crap and DON'T accept responsibility when they f*** up!! too many mommies and daddies want to coddle little johnny or suzie for fear of hurting their feelings. gimme a break! there are a few parents i'd like to tear into as well.

oh well, he's young and he'll get over it. and maybe he'll learn to crack down and hit the books the way he is supposed to. and MAYBE he'll tone down his attitude a little too, because it don't get any easier out there in the real world.

kids!!!

[ 05-08-2003, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: nickg ]

[jellybean40]

No, i never do.

(I dont have kids )

My parents (mom, really) yelled at me and disciplined me. I am glad she did. She never called me "stupid," or a "loser." I do think those things stay with kids. You never know what's really going on in that head of their's...

My close friend has spoiled her kids and not stuck to her discipline...now her son (16) is failing school and smoking pot. They have a good, solid, 2-parent family, with both parents being involved in everything. He was in 3 different sports before the pot. Her therapist told her at that age, there's nothing you can do but let him fail... can you imagine?

He wont listen, just screams back, when they try to talk to him, and keeps telling them he doesnt care about ANYthing. There is nothing they can say or do. I feel for her... shes on medication and cant eat or sleep. I dont know how to help her, though.

[ 05-08-2003, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: jellybean40 ]

[wonderwoman]

I only feel bad if I think "after the fact" I was too tough!

[Tprspouse]

If you didn't yell, you wouldn't care. I SCREAM sometimes. I throw things...but only when I am VERY VERY mad and at my wits end. The other day was so stressful that I ended up really losing it. My house is very small, I am royally SICK of it. The kids started talking back and I tripped over the trash...I picked up the trash bag and whipped it across the room. Little did I remember there were a dozen eggs in it.

[J-WS6]

Pleez donot fele bad disiplining youer kidz !

I wuz on givan to much freedam an i kant evan speel now!

[LEO-wanna-be]

Well, my Mom has yelled at me at times, but she would usually give me the silent treatment. I thought I got my way or whatever, but after a while I got the message. I mean, she wouldn't say a word!! I don't know how she did it. Then she started the lecturing process 1, 2, 3 hrs later she still would be talking! (we were doing other things in the meanwhile, but still...) I guess I never did anything really rotten...um, well, maybe, when I think of it. Anyway, unless you call your kid a name or something, don't feel bad. And from perspective, try to lay off the GD's and F-word.

[InSane1]

OH HELL NO! well.. maybe sometimes. But you know damn right that they did something to **** me right off!

I'm generally pretty tolerant and can control my anger. But if Im PMSing or they really screwwed up. I will scream and throw in an effinheimer sometimes. I never call them names. My parents never did. If they do something that has really upset me, I get out the belt! (far and few, but occassionally it happens.)

Sometimes I even have to turn my head and crack a big *** smile during an all out reaming, because I know they are thinking.. "whoa boy, we really made mom mad this time".... I can't let them see me do that of course. I want them to take me seriously.
One thing though, no matter how upset or why I was upset and yelled.... after a calming period I sit down with them and say "yanno, when I was a little girl, my daddy always said 'no matter if they are wrong and you are right, if you scream at someone... always say you're sorry for yelling', I'm sorry baby"

[ 05-08-2003, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: InSane1 ]

[Don]

quote:

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problem is too many parents DON'T ream the kids a new one and THAT is why they get away with so much crap and DON'T accept responsibility when they f*** up!!

---

AMEN to that! More true words were never spoken!

I can't remember ever feeling bad about disciplining my kids. I have always believed that firm guidance, adminsitered with a tremendous amount of love, is what helps kids to mature into responsible adults.

When I was a kid, I was continually belittled by my mother. Nothing was ever good enough for her. I made damn sure that I never did that to my kids. If they screwed up, I let them know about it, but I also praised them to high heaven when they did something especially good.

[nickg]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tprspouse:
If you didn't yell, you wouldn't care. I SCREAM sometimes. I throw things...but only when I am VERY VERY mad and at my wits end. The other day was so stressful that I ended up really losing it. My house is very small, I am royally SICK of it. The kids started talking back and I tripped over the trash...I picked up the trash bag and whipped it across the room. Little did I remember there were a dozen eggs in it.

---

yeah...that scenario DEFINITELY sounds familiar!!

[Copper2be]

The only time I feel guilty is if I'm acting out of my own frustration instead of the reason for the blasting. Or if I'm yelling because I've had a bad day and they're just getting on my last nerve. They don't generally deserve it then.

However, I inherited "the look" from my dad. Don't have to say anything but my face says it all "I brought you into this world and I'll take you out so don't push it!"

[AutumnAngel]

I don't generally feel bad because I don't let my anger get out of control. BUT I CAN'T STAND WHINING!!! When she starts whining, Mom gets ****ed. Ya know what I tell her when she starts whining? "I don't hear whines." My parents use to tell me that and I thought it was very effective. I just get tired of being the only parent around doing disciplining. Single parenting sucks. No wonder she doesn't like it when I pick her up from her dad's. Ohhhh well, hopefully she will thank me when she's older.

[Mitzi1]

My hardest time with our son were his teen years. Seemed he thought he only had to listen to his Dad and Dad let him think that too. So, I just made life hell until they realized I was going to be respected. Yelling at my son did no good. Actions spoke louder then words. When he started skipping at school, I tried to approach it as a united front with his Father. But his Father was in his own brain fart stage and actually thought the skipping was pretty funny. He wanted to be our sons friend instead of his parent for some reason. So I was the bad guy. When he wouldn't stop skipping, I simply went to school with him. HE HATED IT! Good! I had better things to do with my time but since he wanted to act like a baby, I treated him like one. I told him I was his babysitter.
It worked. He stopped skipping. I told him if he kept it up I would show up in my robe with curlers in my hair and big fuzzy slippers. I would have too.
I'm pleased to say both he and his father have grown up.

[ 05-10-2003, 09:09 AM: Message edited by: Mitzi1 ]

[DMS 525]

Funny I should read this today; last night, my 14 year old daughter "got ripped a new one", for being where she wasn't supposed to be, and for her overall attitude lately. Her mother and I reamed her good for about 15 minutes!

Mitzi, opposite of you. She thinks she only has to listen to her mother, and I am nothing but a joke. I told her that is going to come to a screeching stop, and that if she thinks I'm a domineering SOB, she hasn't seen anything yet!!!

Teenagers! About the time you get them figured out, they grow up and move out!!!