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1st suicide call.

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  • 1st suicide call.

    I've seen some bad things in my short three year career, but nothing like what a .357 does to a persons head. I was first on scene assisting the county and saw what a sick woman did to "end the suffering for her family". Didn't bother me the first day too much, but now I am having some pretty disturbing dreams and not sleeping much. Anyone relate?

  • #2
    Doesnt your dept have a therapist line to call ? I know our dept gave us some cards to a company that if we needed to talk about stuff like that.

    Ask your HR if they have such a program.
    sigpicMy statements do not represent my agency.

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    • #3
      Not really. The trooper on scene thought it was one of the worst self inflicted gun shots he's come across, but both he and the county deputy seem fine. I don't know, none of this stuff seemed to bother me before I had my daughter (2yo). I think the smell was the worst. That **** stays with you for days. My wife is a 911 dispatcher who has had infant CPR fail over the phone and had to deal with that, but for some reason this is really starting to affect my day to day. Work outs aren't as productive, and temper is shorter. I'll get over it, just wanted to see if it ever bothered anyone else.

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      • #4
        Thanks for the HR comment. You're right, our agency does have a stress debrief avail. My Capt. brought it up after the incident. I'll look into that Monday if I'm still having trouble sleeping.

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        • #5
          Do it anyway. Memories have triggers and you need to realize it and deal with it now.
          NRA Life Member

          The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

          Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

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          • #6
            I see blood and guts most every day, I do not like seeing injured children.

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            • #7
              USFS, best of luck to you, I hope you can overcome this incident man.

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              • #8
                CISM..your agency should have peer debriefers, or you might have a regional team. The symptoms you are displaying are normal for the situation, and could last for some time. be aware of things like high BP, chest pain or breathing difficulties. If you have those, go the hospital. Most of us have been through this, and it becomes part of our lives. The thing you don't want to happen is for this experience to begin to run your life. Also know there are a lot of us on here that will listen.....

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                • #9
                  Are you a hunter or fisher person USFS? If so try to re-associate the image and minimize it (not to say bury it) This may help, cheers...

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                  • #10
                    Another thing to realize is that certain events like this affect everyone differently. Just because the other two seem fine, does not mean that this shouldn't bother you for some time. Please do not feel ashamed by talking to someone. It is normal, and talking to someone who's trained to facilitate these types of things will only improve your situation.

                    On a side note these types of things are kind of the reasons so-called "experts" (sometimes other LEO's) recommend having friends besides co-workers and conducting activities not related to law enforcement from time to time to get our minds off of things like this, even if it is for a short while.

                    I wish the best of luck and hope you help get some resolution with this soon. Stay safe out there brother.
                    In God we trust. All others we run NCIC.

                    "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem."
                    PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN, 1985

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                    • #11
                      good luck. it will not be the last time you will see it.

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                      • #12
                        Sorry to hear about your experience. I personally saw a lot of #### during my tour in the sandbox. Did a bit of it bad but necessary business. Temper and nightmares just mean your a normal person. It gets better, but it helps to talk to people with similar experiences. The smell does stick with you. The highened emotions of the family just add to the distress. Church helps. Good luck
                        Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.

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                        • #13
                          My brother who retired a few years ago, made a suicide run. It was not his first one, but the gentleman laid in his bed, and shot himself in the head. The bed cover comforter was just like my brother's. He went home, took his comforter off the bed, and never used that one again....

                          On a side note, my full time job is with INDOT. earlier this year a co-worker/friend was killed while we were at a worksite. I was the first one to him, and tried to do some first aid, but to no avail...I like to think I was with him his last few moments on Earth, and that I eased his departure from this world. We had a debriefing the next day...and that did help....but I still think about him and that day. I am sure I will for the rest of my life...but it has gotten easier. You will see worse things in your career....Trust me, I have too.
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                          In Memory of Staff Sgt. Matt Kimmell
                          United States Army
                          5th Special Forces Group
                          Former Deputy Sheriff, Vanderburgh County
                          Killed in Iraq October 11, 2005
                          Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today!!
                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


                          www.tryfreemasonry.org

                          Real men wear aprons..

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                          • #14
                            Im not sure anything can ever prepare you for that, or make everything okay once youve seen it.....My brother died of a self inflicted gunshot wound and I had to clean up his blood once the officers finished their investigation....a Hazmat crew would have been $2000. I didnt sleep well before, but I barely sleep now. I have constant bad dreams. Just try to stay close to your family, and feel free to talk about it if necessary. It always helps to have someone to talk to, especially your fellow officers who know what you're going through. Stay strong
                            'Evil always wins when Good does nothing'-Anonymous

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                            • #15
                              Walk it off man. I have forgotten more grossed out suicides than you will probably every see in your career. Not trying to sound insensitive, but you need to be able to shake this kind of stuff off and move on. If you can't, you may be in the wrong career.

                              Good luck.

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