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You know you're a cop if....

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  • You know you're a cop if....

    1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.

    2. You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

    3. You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.

    4. Your idea of a good time is a gun run or a car chase.

    5. You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.

    6. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control.

    7. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

    8. You have your weekends off planned for a year.

    9. You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

    10. You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

    11. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."

    12. You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

    13. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

    14. You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15.

    15. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.

    16. People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places...and you know where it's located.

    17. You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

    18. You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

    19. You walk into places and people think its high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

    20. You do not see daylight from November until May.

    21. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

    22. A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.

    23. You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".

    24. You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.

    25. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

    26. Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

    27. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

    28. You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.

    29. You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight"

    30. Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."
    We don't "LOL" here. This isn't facebook or some text message between BFF's who are all OMG WTFJH and DYST? We type and speak as adults. Fix yourself.

  • #2
    #29 is not true for me....but each and every other one is completely, 100%, unabashedly true.
    sigpic
    Originally posted by Smurfette
    Lord have mercy. You're about as slick as the business side of duct tape.
    Originally posted by DAL
    You are without doubt a void surrounded by a sphincter muscle.

    Comment


    • #3
      If when you walk into ______ restaurant and mommy says to little Jonny, "See Johnny, if you're not good, the cops will put their handcuffs on you, and take you to jail." Thanks, mom, now he'll never come to us when he needs to.
      Most people fail because they trade what they want MOST, for what they want at the MOMENT.

      The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, WHO can know it?
      -Jeremiah 17:9

      Is it any surprise that cops don't trust anyone?

      Comment


      • #4
        #31 You constantly hear the phrase " I didn't Do it."
        #32 You believe "To stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.
        #33 Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.
        "I would rather live one day as a Lion, than a thousand years as a Sheep."

        Comment


        • #5
          #34 You see someone you know is suspended driving around town on your off-time, and call a friend who's working to give him/her the info because you know it's a slow day/

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by In It To Win It View Post
            If when you walk into ______ restaurant and mommy says to little Jonny, "See Johnny, if you're not good, the cops will put their handcuffs on you, and take you to jail." Thanks, mom, now he'll never come to us when he needs to.
            At which time I promptly tell the child that their parents are lying to them, and that policeman are their friends.

            I then tell the parents that making their children fear the police isn't very bright. They look on their face is priceless.

            Comment


            • #7
              You know you're a cop when you check the hard corners going into your own crapper....
              Went to Get a Cold Pop

              Comment


              • #8
                -If your kids call their trikes and bikes "motors".
                -If your wife starts to say something and you say "standby one".
                -If you give your kid a timeout and he demands a Skelly hearing.
                Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. - Ronald Reagan

                I don't think It'll happen in the US because we don't trust our government. We are a country of skeptics, raised by skeptics, founded by skeptics. - Amaroq

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                • #9
                  #35 when even when your not working and you are out in public you are counting your exits and watching peoples hands

                  #36 when a good dinner is going through a drive through and picking something up for you and your partner to eat in the car between calls

                  #37 when driving the speed limit seems odd
                  " the only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything." -Theodore Roosevelt

                  "Smart is when you believe only half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half to believe." -Orben's Current Comedy

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    #38 you find yourself reading the inspection sticker of every license plate that passes by while off duty

                    #39 you find yourself watching other peoples every hand movements and gestures off duty

                    #40 you use a flashlight to walk around your house at night

                    #41 you sleep with a gun and taser on your dresser every night

                    #42 off duty, you routinely find yourself always reaching to your side where your firearm is usually at, even though nothing is there, but a cell phone.
                    "Abandon your animosities and make your sons Americans." - Robert E. Lee, 1865

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      #43 When driving in your personal vehicle off duty, you reach for your radar when you see a fast car approaching, even though it's not there.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by marcusindc View Post
                        At which time I promptly tell the child that their parents are lying to them, and that policeman are their friends.

                        I then tell the parents that making their children fear the police isn't very bright. They look on their face is priceless.
                        I told a seven year old that I only take parents to jail, I take kids out for ice cream. He told me his Mom was speeding yesterday!!
                        My OODA Loop: Observe, Over-react, Destroy and Apologize.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          #44 When sitting in a restaurant, you give every one that enters the front door.....the "stare"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Everyone is lying to you...and when a bad guy is actually being truthful, you want to give him a beer and send him on his way without any further investigation

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              #45- After arresting a guy for possession, you have to scratch another restaurant off your list ;-(
                              I got nothing for now

                              Comment

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