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  • question??

    I am at a dilemna with this decision.

    My mom is currently as we speak going thru liver failure. The nurse said i have 2 weeks at the most left with her. Her cancer is passed down amongst the women in my family. My grandmother was 59 my mom is 52. Thier is a research place in Az that wants to use tissue samples of my mom to determine why she was given 1-3 possibly 5 years to live upon recieving radiation and it has only been 6 months since she was diagnosed. Needless to say she will die in the next couple of days regardless. Her body is shutting down. This research facility will use my moms tissue samples to help supply amswers to other cancer patients by them researching why my moms has spread way too rapidly within such a short time.

    This is the deal so to speak my sister and i have been offered. In return for the tissue samples they will pay to have her cremated for us. Then the ashes will be returned to us so that we may do as we wish as far as funeral plans. They will not take all of her organs or butcher her or anything like that. They just want tissue samples of all her major organs and surrounding areas. They want to basically get some knowledge from her body. In return we also get a full report on her cancer. Where it started, where it spread, in what amount of time, The whole enchilada.

    My sister and i discussed this and we are not stupid. people can tell you one thing and do another. Our mom is beyond comprehending what we ask her so the full decision rests on us. Has anyone ever done this and what do you think regardless if you experienced it or not. We are thinking it will help the future women of our family and after all the bad that has happened to my mom out of this we think it might provide some much needed answers for us and any future family members that might have to go thru this. We also think it will help prevent it from happening to like my daughter and her daughters if she should have any. All opinions matter and i want them all? But please hurry i dont have much time.

    [ 05-30-2002: Message edited by: ftrphxcop ]
    "To each his own"

  • #2
    Well for what little it may mean coming from myself, I think it is important that you contribute to helping others in any way possible. I guess you have to ask yourself what your mother was like, and would she have felt comfortable with the decision you make? I understand the situation you are in as we have all lost loved ones and been faced with tough decisions along the way.

    Maybe the best way to take comfort in your decision is as I mentioned above where you ask "what would she want?". It is easiest when you can take some of the burden off yourself by using other people's wishes (particularily the person concerned) to your advantage if possible. Give some serious thought as to what her decision would have likely been and you may find things are better for you.

    My best wishes to you and your family, because it is a difficult time and difficult decision.
    "Nature gave us one tongue and two ears, so that we could listen twice as often as we speak."

    - Epictetus

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    • #3
      I can only agree with what Iacocca said. Think about what she would have wanted. My guess is that she would have wanted to be able to help her family, and if this will, then I think she probably would have been ok with it. Think about it and pray about it and see where you feel led. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
      Law abiding citizens sleep peacefully in their beds solely because dedicated men and women stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

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      • #4
        From what I can see from your post, I would let them do it. It can't hurt and might give someone else some more time to spend on Earth.

        Regards.

        Mike

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        • #5
          I agree, do it.

          I'm very sorry, ftrphxcop.

          Regards.

          Royce
          Royce is a Lady

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          • #6
            Here is a link in case anyone wishes to read on it. http://www.wwseniors.com/cgi-bin/fra...ciencecare.com
            "To each his own"

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            • #7
              I'm very sorry about your mother. I truly hope that the remainder of her time here is peaceful.

              With that said, I feel like you should agree to do it.

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              • #8
                Much sympathy for what you and your family are facing.

                Been through it several times and the only saving grace in a few months will be the feeling that it meant something positive in the scheme of things.

                Your mom's spirit would be grateful that she may be able to help others, including you and your family members.

                Genetically based cancers that run in families will be the first to be cured and prevented in future generations. Every tiny piece of knowledge helps to make that day arrive sooner.

                Take care....

                Friday

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                • #9
                  You have my deepest sympathies, ftrphx

                  I think, that if you give this some thought, you will come to the decision that she would be willing to help her descendants to have a better life. If for nothing else, for her family. I realize that this is a very difficult decision, and one that only your family can make, but if I was in that situation, I would want to contribute what I could to help my family.

                  Again, my deepest condolences....
                  Optimistic pessimist: Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

                  Jack

                  [email protected]

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                  • #10
                    Ftr,
                    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and this difficult decision you're faced with. The only thing I saw missing from your post which might make a difference is, what's your mom's feelings about cremation? If she was going to be cremated anyways then no biggie but if that was something she absolutely did not want (perhaps for religious reasons), then you might want to consider that. Other than that, if it can help you, your sister or your children I don't see how she could possibly be against doing it. I'm sure she would want you guys to have as good a chance as possible if you get the same thing. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
                    Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

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                    • #11
                      I am so sorry for what your family is going through. My cousin just found out she has liver cancer and she is only 48. I am her only reletive here so it has been hard for both of us. She is so brave.
                      Have you considered having you and your kids tested to see if you have genetic markers for this disease? I know that sounds a little harsh at this time. But, if they find you have a genetic marker, it means they can be on the look out for it much sooner.
                      My cousin is also dying of the same cancer her mother had. But, her mother was not a blood reletive of mine so it sems to be on her Mother's side of the family.
                      My condolences to you. I expressly have it in my will I want cremation. It seems so much easier for the family. What ever you decide will be the right decison.

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                      • #12
                        All I can say is that after losing two family members to cancer (grandfather & brother) I would go with the institute and have them do what they will with the body in hopes that it can lead to a discovery of some order that will save the lives of others.

                        I believe that it will only help those of us who are still on this planet and also once your mom is gone the body is just going to be a empty shell. Her spirit will be free and she will be free of pain. I know my mother wishes to be cremated so I think the institute doing this for you might be a little blessing as that is a expense you shall not have to deal with. While it is not going to be easy to lose a loved one I think the answer is before you and your sister and I know you both will make a decision that is well thought out and expresses the interests of your mothers family.

                        My condolances on having to make a hard decision and I hope you have as many days as you can to be with your mom.

                        Klar
                        Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

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                        • #13
                          I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I believe she would want was in the is best interest of her children and grandchildren. I would do it. I will keep her and your family in my prayers during this difficult and trying times.
                          Stay safe and watch your back. Survived Katrina. Now a Official member of the Chocolate City Police.

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                          • #14
                            You are in my thoughts and prayers...

                            As for your question, I feel it best to follow your heart. I can only say if I were in that situation, I would let them do it to possibly help my family and others in the future.

                            Please take care.

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                            • #15
                              By allowing them to take tissue samples, YOUR MOM will continue to help others...perhaps even her own family.

                              Also, with the offer to cremate her, that makes ONE LESS ITEM for you and your sister to have to contend with upon her passing.

                              My thoughts are with you in your time of need.
                              "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
                              -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

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