Bad dating experience with LEO

[AutumnAngel]

I hope I don't end up stereotyping by the end of this post but I had a really interesting experience dating this guy who was LEO this past month. I met him at my gym and he approached me asking me if I wanted to go out so I said sure -- he was nice enough I guess. We really connected at first and then it just went downhill after about a week. We went out to dinner and all he did was bitch about the service -- he is completely non-affectionate (no hand-holding, kissing, nothing) We can't talk about anything except sports, the weather, politics etc. This is after about 3 weeks of dating; surely we can go deeper than that right?? I don't know what his problem was but I have never met anyone who was THAT disconnected from his emotions.

Ok, so now it looks like I'm dating someone who isn't interested, right? Surprise! Out of the blue I get flowers from him with a card that reads "Autumn, I hope these flowers brighten up your day. I know you have been able to brighten up my days with you." What?! So anyway, we go out a couple more times, and I just can't deal with this wierd personality stuff. There were some other things that happened but it makes me so mad that I don't even want to talk about it. So I end it thinking that he won't care, there wasn't that much invested.

This guy flipped out on me, he started crying over the phone, giving me guilt trips on how much money he spent on me etc. I just got an email from him on Tuesday saying he hasn't been able to sleep since Sunday. I had no idea this guy felt this way. He never told me during the time we were dating. In fact, I told him when he gave me the flowers that it surprised me because I thought he thought of me as a friend. I guess the reason I start this topic is because I find it so interesting that this guy who appeared to be so disconnected from his emotions could "supposedly" have this much feeling for me. I'm sure not all LEOs are like this but the few I have known as friends all appear to have this intimacy problem. I knew I should have ended it as soon as I found out what he did for a career. I love all of you guys dearly but it seems damn near impossible to have a successful relationship.

[1300]

lol...

I'd tell you but not for the public to see.

I'd rather you PM me.

[tcsd1236]

Autumn:

This board should be able to help you out with advice , as its primarily spouses/ girlfriends, if O.Com can't:

http://boards2.ivillage.com/messages/get/rlcopwives105.html

[txinvestigator1]

Sounds like a major case of emotional immaturity also.

You don't have to respond to this, but people like him tend to act mre this way after being intimate.

To me, he does not sound like a keeper for you.

[Sparky]

Alot of people don't care to show alot of emotions in public. Not just cops.

[kd5hqd]

I'm in a very difficult relationship right now, while we're talking about it.

My girlfriend of 3 months had some very bad things happen to her when she was younger. I won't go into them, but they were bad. Anyways, now, she has really severe emotional detatchment problems. She is unable to not talk to me or see me for more than a few hours at a time, and it's really getting on my nerves. A day doesn't go by where I don't get at least 3-4 voice mail messages from her and 5-6 text messages on my phone. I've talked to her about this, explaining that I needed some space, and that when I go to school in September, I will not be home for even more of the time, and she needs to prepare herself for this. I don't think she has, and I think it's going to be nasty.

Don't know why I just wrote all this. Oh well.

Tex
KD5HQD

[AutumnAngel]

Txinvestigator -- check your PM.

1300 -- I don't understand what you are saying and I can't PM you for some reason, it doesn't allow me to.

KD -- It sounds like your gf was abused when she was younger. She needs therapy more than a boyfriend right now -- It's pretty obvious that she is draining you emotionally right now. Have you suggested professional counseling to her?

[jeeper]

<----Has been accused of being a little emoitionally detatched at times. However, I'm willing to accept it, and have been working hard at moving past that. I've found someone who I like ALOT, however because of the emotional detatchement issues I can't find myself to actually tell her. Oh well, I'm running out of time right now...Autumn feel free to PM me if you think I could be of more assistance.

[Mitzi]

I don't think it had anything to do with him being a LEO.....He just can't accept rejection. My son was like this when he was 16. His girlfriend broke up with himand he was at her house, pounding on the windows, screaming for her to please, just talk to him. Luckily, the parents called me and I had him in therapy the next day.
He learned that there was nothing wrong with him and we needed to work on self-estem issues.
I will always believe that this therapy is what helped him through his divorce. He was devastated, of course, but saw that he had done nothing so wrong to be treated this way.
Are you still seing this guy, Autumn? He has issues!

[156]

Although many men are emotionally constipated, I think perhaps LEOs are sometimes that way because of their training. They're trained to detach themselves from situations and to remain calm and in control. That mindset doesn't always end when their shift does. Just my opinion, for what it's worth.

[Piper]

I don't think someone's profession has anything to do as to how they are in a relationship. You just happened to date someone with relationship issues that happens to be a LEO.

[AutumnAngel]

Nope, not seeing him anymore. I've made up my mind -- no more dating for me. I seem to keep attracting men with issues.

[Don]

Autum, I think you might be right to give yourself a little "break" for a while. After all, you just broke up with someone, and you may need some "mending" time.

Sounds like this guy has a lot of problems that you don't need right now anyway!

[555]

This guy could be very vulnerable or really manipulative it’s hard to tell. The fact that he mentioned how much money he spent on you would sway my opinion toward the latter. As far as people’s jobs and its relation to their personality, there is absolutely a correlation. I speak from experience, having almost exclusively dated “sales professionals” It takes a certain kind of person to do that for a living as it takes specific interests and traits to do any job. This is not to say that only LEOs have intimacy issues or that such issues are even exclusive to men. However I would imagine that generally there are common characteristics amongst MOST LEOs as there are amongst people in any profession. An example would be that sales people almost always have very strong personalities and on the negative side may have a tendency to be manipulative. Once you’ve isolated the common denominator you have to ask yourself what qualities you have that attract this kind of person, then you’ve won half the battle.

[DWHill]

I was dating a girl about three years ago who used to say the same thing to me. After meeting at school, we had to keep up via e-mail during breaks, in which we were both comfortable being intimate and frank with our emotions and feelings. However, when we were together it was different (obviously, I would have thought). In general, I am a HIGHLY protective person, and it's natural for me to be hyper-aware of my surroundings and who's doing what, and where, and it really shows when I'm out in public. Consequently, she thought I was ignoring her, acting aloof, being careless, etc, etc, when really I was just trying making sure that we'd get home alright. At home, though, I could be the man she was looking for, thoughtful, sweet, whatever else.

There was a lot of grief exchnaged about this, but after discussing it (a few times over), she came to understand that I had these defenses put up when we were out in public, and that I had to be in my comfort zones to be intimate and so forth. I made it clear that that was the way that I am, I felt it was my duty as a man, and boyfriend to watch out for her (and anyone else in need of help). She came to understand and even admire that, and married me a little over a year ago.