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Does the other woman deserve all the blame??

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  • #16
    If a woman/man knowingly fools around with a married man/woman then she is just as much to blame!

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    • #17
      The man caught his wife in bed with another man. He shot her dead, on the spot.

      When he went to court, the judge asked him, "Why did you shoot your wife instead of the man she was with?"

      His response, "Better to kill one woman that 15 men."

      And that's just the way I feel about it. The cheating spouse is the party with the primary guilt here. The lover may or may not know the spouse is married. If the lover does know, then they certainly share the blame. However, if they don't, how can they be held as guilty?

      I'm speaking in the same context the thread is in here, not in the biblical context where ANY sex outside of marriage is considered wrong.
      6P1 (retired)

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      • #18
        IMHO,
        Your vows are a promise not to be broken. If you break them it's your fault.

        But a wise man once told me...
        "If you put a bone in front of a dog, he's going to chew it."
        The ends justifies the means

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        • #19
          welllll... <gulp>

          been there...he done that. lol

          first off, i dont agree with all the crap that gives men the excuse that they cant help it (giving a dog a bone, candy in a kids hands, etc). men are grown adults, not dogs or kids. they have a mind of their own. each one should be judged accordingly, and i try to give them a little credit! i didnt think every man was a dog after my ex-husband did what he did. he had the problems, i.e. his own self-esteem, need to control, and need to fill his need to feel *above* someone by consistently cheating with losers. (women with various addictions, no job, etc) not that everyone with an addiction is a loser...these were!

          i know that temptations come to everyone in life, different ways, different times. it's up to the person to make their own decision. if they are totally happy in their marriage, meaning its fulfilling all their emotional needs (which i think the other spouse can rarely know unfortunately), then they WONT cheat. JMHO.

          i do feel its wrong of the un-married participant to coax the married person, or beg lol, or keep after them when the person says no. but if the married person is a happy recipient, then they are even more to blame. they took the vow of marriage.

          [ 08-22-2002, 05:14 AM: Message edited by: jellybean40 ]
          "You did what you knew how to do...and when you knew better, you did better." ~~Maya Angelou

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          • #20
            It takes two to mess around. Personally, I think monogamy is an artificial creation and its a not normal thing to expect someone to only be with one person for life, but if your partner has an expectation of exclusivity, thats an issue you need to address as a couple.

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            • #21
              Yes, monogamy may be unnatural to some just as having multiple partners is to others. There isn’t one rule for everyone. As far as men being afraid of commitment because they don’t want to “be” with one woman for the rest of their lives that’s a joke too. Men are capable of having as much depth as women are. And any woman can be bored to tears at the thought of “being” with one guy for a lifetime (although men like to delude themselves into thinking women don’t have those thoughts) but that doesn’t mean you’d never make that commitment. Men are “afraid” of commitment because there is allot of pressure on them to provide for a family. It really might be that simple. If we lived in a society where women had all the pressure to provide we’d see women were the ones reluctant to settle down.

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              • #22
                I made no such assumption, that the one who initiated the encounter/relationship is always the commited one. The person who is the commited one is the guilty one because s/he was commited and s/he always had a choice, regardless of whether or not s/he was seduced, enticed, drunk, unhappy in his/her relationship, or whatever.

                The true victim, of course, is always the one cheated on. That goes without saying, but for some strange reasons, the cheaters (victimizers) are often mysteriously made the victims, the innocent, the understood, the forgiven one.

                When one cheats, s/he is guilty. The one cheated with is not guilty because s/he did not make a commitment to another. You see, guilty is a legal term. Innocent is a moral term. The two must be fully understood.

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                • #23
                  1300, you don't get it. The cheating married partner is guilty in the worst way, but to claim the non-married one is not also responsible is a crock and selfish.
                  "Speed is fine, but accuracy is final"--Bill Jordan

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                  • #24
                    Using an example, I will explain.

                    It baffles me that my guy-friend has more anger for the "other man" than he does for his ex-wife. Yes, he's ****ed as hell at his ex, but there's even more anger towards the guy she cheated with.

                    What I previously said hit it right on the money. SHE was willing to go, SHE chose to cheat, SHE chose to leave her marriage, SHE chose to leave her kids behind. But it's the guy who's getting the bigger brunt of the blame. I know in my example here, my friend gives "a gentleman isn't a gentleman if he does this" speech, the whole chivalry thing. I tell him "takes 2 to tango". I know he doesn't disagree with me, but I know he still believes in the whole real-man theory.

                    "He took her" "She took him". That's bull. It's a choice, there was no gun to their head.

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                    • #25
                      It would be logical to direct your anger towards the one who cheated on you but emotions aren’t always logical. People will always be angrier with the person they see as having taken something of theirs.

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                      • #26
                        Because you care, you will cry.
                        Because you love, you will hurt.
                        Because s/he is impotant to you, you will be angry at the cheater.

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                        • #27
                          I don't condone infidelity, its wrong. BUT, I think most of us have been in a position where we felt we needed the companionship. Problems at home; financial, emotional, sexual, dealing with a mental nutcase for a spouse/significant other? All these things are a contributing factor to why people cheat. Whos's responsible? The married cheater/live-in lover who neglected to tell the other party they were "involved". However, women who think its
                          the "homewrecker/slut/hussy's" fault her husband cheated really **** me off! Women/Men need to hold their spouses/significant others responsible for their actions. Wake up honey! Ninety percent of the time its the married men who pursue the single young women.BELIVE ME [Eek!]
                          My sentiments: If your girl only knew!
                          Eighty percent of questions are statements in disguise.

                          Dr. Phil McGraw

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                          • #28
                            cuba:

                            Its the men pursuing in 99.999% of all interactions because thats what society says our role is....to pursue. Don't hold THAT against us simply because "its the men pursuing". Sure the other woman gets blamed, but its usually by the married woman who feels inadequate in some way who brings that up.

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                            • #29
                              Are you actually saying it's the wife’s fault her husband cheats on her. It's society’s fault because it tells men to they are supposed to "pursue" other women?

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                              • #30
                                no, thats not what I'm saying.

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