Does the other woman deserve all the blame??

[Kendi]

Do we put to heart the infamous movie line,?No woman can seduce a happy husband,?or do we turn the tables to give a trident, put horns and a tail on the other woman (a.k.a. querida/ mistress/ @#$%!)? He is so committed, and there she is꿶rancing around, conciously luring the taken man. He falls for the bait. To whom do we owe the credit for creating 뱓he other woman?identity? Do our pointers get their dose of reproaching work? There are two sides ( and a lot of corners) to this jagged coin. Now?.I am asking LYC readers to take the jury's seat: Whose side are you on? What's your verdict?

You have two choices:
1) NO: Verdict Acquittal
2) YES: Guilty in the First Degree

Thanks in advance

[1300]

My take on this:

If you are married or are otherwise in a commited relationship with someone and cheat, it is not the other wo/man who is doing the cheating, you are, so therefore, take responsibility. That "other" is not being unfaithful to anyone. S/he could not have done any more than s/he was allowed to.

Cheating is always a choice, given that the wo/man was seductive, paraded around in his or her birthday suit, made offers that could not be refused. The married or commited person is still wholly responsible because he or she made was who made the vows or promise to another.

By the way, can't no wo/man take your wo/man, s/he must always be willing to go.

[txinvestigator1]

Boy, your writing is hard as hell to read.

If you are asking who to blame for infidelity, both are to blame. Adultery is a violation of the 7th commandment, "You shall not commit adultery"

The other woman, or man, is committing theft, or trespassing in a biblical sense. "The outside adulterer steals the affection of one spouse from another". (Dr Laura Schlessinger, The Ten Commandants, the Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life, page 222)

[ 08-21-2002, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: txinvestigator1 ]

[555]

It is definitely the fault of the cheater. The whole idea that men are ”dogs” who just can’t help themselves is such a joke. It’s just an excuse for them to do whatever the hell they want. Women really need to get a grip and start holding men to a higher standard. And forget the other women she’s not your concern although those who mess with other people’s relationships do damage to their karma.

[1300]

I am not clear as to if you are married, Kendi, however, given it was my husband who decides to creep out on me, for whatever reason(s), it would be his *ss I would be after, because it was he who made the vows to me, not the other woman. The other woman would not be doing a thing wrong. She made no vows. She is just doing her thing, whatever her thing might be, but she owes me nothing in terms of respect, etc., he does. Women all day long go after the other woman, but in reality, what are they doing wrong? Who are they cheating on? No one. So. okay, she is a witch in every sense of the word, but who made the vows? She or your man?

It is always the man or woman's responsibility, not the person he or she is cheating with. Of course, there are seductive men and women, yadda, yadda, yadda, but let's get real here.

[txinvestigator1]

quote:

---

The other woman would not be doing a thing wrong

---

Are you SERIOUS?? You find nothing wrong or immoral for a single person to have sex with a married person. You really believe that only the married person was wrong?

No the "other woman" made no vows to the one cheated on, but what about integrety, common decency, respect, morality?

My goodness, this attitude is appaling at best!

[1300]

Society has this creative way of making the victims the victimizers. If one strays from the marriage, for whatever reason on God's green earth, and however valid those reasons may seem, one is solely the guilty one in my opinion. From a moralistic point of view, perhaps the "other" should not have involved him or herself with another, and so forth and so forth, but back to the original question, should the "other" take on some of the blame? No. Why? Because had the commited one not started none, there wouldn't be none! The ball was always in his or her court. The commited one would always be the one who had something to lose. S/he would always be resposible for where s/he was, the company s/he kept, the lead s/he followed, etc.

I think to pass on some of the blame is to not take full responsibilities for one's own actions. Besides, after all has been said and done, a person is stupid, anyway, for involving him or herself with someone who has less to lose than him or herself.

Our ex-president gave us a great example of that!

[Kendi]

Thanks for replying everyone...

Now here's my take:

NO.... Definitely not! with the other woman in the limelight, couples are spared the pain (and shame) of self examination and acknowledgment. This business of blame-it-all-on mistresses stinks of hypocrisy, self-righteousness, and not to mention narrow-mindedness. I believe it's time to give the other woman a break; they've been credited with so much for so long, they've become too good and too bad to be true.

Of course! the scarlet woman deserves all the blame! If she had any morals to safeguard, she wouldn't go for a man who's taken. Her conscience must force her to control her desires and resist temptation EVEN IF THE GUY MAYBE EXTREMELY HOT AND SO INTO HER. And also, if the man have morals too he would'nt be cheating on his wife..right??..... It takes two to make a relationship work. The couple is to blame for the shortcomings in their relationship. The Other woman just becomes a victim of their finger-pointing.

We are responsible for our own action...The chief culprit is always the one who put himself in such a mess.

Gracias.........KEndi

[TexReserve]

I am a happy husband, and when I recited my vows almost 25 years ago, I distinctly remember saying "keeping myself only to her" and "until death do us part". I believe in those vows strongly and will not violate them.

That being said, in my not so humble opinion if a man cheats on his wife, he is just as much to blame as the woman he is cheating with. It is not the cheating woman's fault that he let his little head do the thinking for his big head!

So, my answer....GUILTY AS HELL.

[Snoopy1]

If a couple can't resolve their differences after honest attempts to do so and cannot tolerate the other persons faults, they should get a divorce. If one cheats that person and the person he/she cheats with are equally guilty. That tired old excuse that he said he would leave his wife when the kids are grown, or whatever excuse he is waiting for, doesn't make it right.

[sandie]

Having an ex husband that cheated on me, I will say this. It takes two to cheat. Granted its the husband who is "cheating" on the wife, BUT, the other woman also knows he's married. Therefore she is equally to blame. She doesnt deserve ALL the blame, but, if shed back off it would help out. Its like handing a piece of candy to a child and saying ok, you cannot eat this because you promised the dentist you wont but please dont waste it. Will the child tempt the fates and taste it when the parents head is turned...umm yes. For those who would disagree with that, your in denial. But ya remove the candy from the kids hands and say the same thing, chances are the child will forget it existed in a few moments. Therefore, if the woman would just back off and leave the man alone, the chance for the marriage surviving is greater, that is with alot of communication, counceling and hard work. I know this for a fact. Sorry to burst anyones bubbles, but thats reality. BOTH the man and the "mistress" are to blame.

Granted the situation is different if the "mistress" did NOT know he was married. But if she knew he was married, and still kept going, shes also to blame.

[ 08-21-2002, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: sandie ]

[sandie]

also, stating that the married couple themselves is to blame is totally unfair. Sometimes the wife has no clue how unhappy her husband is until she finds out he cheated. I know I had NO clue. So to say I was part to blame, is really unfair. I was NOT the one who broke my vow - he was.

P.S. I also know a man who cheated on his wife, and she also had no clue he was unhappy until he left her. She had no clue he was in love with someone else. He was even going on-line looking for another woman, she remained clueless. So, the real victumes is the "married couple" as a whole and any children that comes fromt he marriage. The Cheating man and the cheating mistress are still the ones to blame, sorry, but thats my opinoin.

[Mrs. Fish]

I think you're right about this being a jagged coin Teri!

There are 2 examples I can share. In both cases, the spouse who was ditched tended to blame the other lover more, not their own spouse, for the affairs.

Why is that? Their own spouse cheated on them, yet they blame their own spouse LESS than they blame the other lover who was involved. Is is just because it's easier to blame someone they don't know? They know their spouse, so they can't imagine how someone they're married to could possibly do something so hurtful without the assistance of the other lover to "brainwash" them into having the affair?

I've kind of wondered about this with the one friend of mine. His wife left him for another man, he calls the guy every nasty name in the book. He does call his ex-wife several choice words as well, and he also does blame her for the affair, but the DEEPER anger and the DEEPER blame sits on the "other man", not his ex-wife.

In my other example, the affair was over 2 years ago. My co-worker was "the other woman". To this day, the ex-wife of the guy who cheated with my colleague refuses to speak to her, but yet the ex-wife has a cordial relationship with the ex-husband. It's like she has forgiven her own ex-spouse for his wrongdoing, but does not forgive "the other woman" for stealing him away.

What happened to it takes 2 to tango???

In both of these cases, both pairs of cheating lovers divorced the people they were marred to in order to be with their new lover. (That would make a total of 4 divorces! Ouch!)

The other painful side to this is that were 4 sets of kids who were affected by all of this. Very sad.

[Mrs. Fish]

I meant Kendi, not Teri...

[txinvestigator1]

I mostly agree, but to hold the non-married cheater blameless or without fault is wrong.

Most courts agree. A divorce where a spouse can prove infidelity can obtain a disproportionate amount of the settlement, and the non-married party can be successfully sued for alienation of affection.

Religiously the non-married cheater is at best an accomplice to adultery, and also has coveted and stolen....Hmmm, that would be three commandments.

Anyone who disagrees has warped morals, IMNTBHO.

And Kendi, I still have no clue what you have said.

[ 08-21-2002, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: txinvestigator1 ]