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  • Need a giggle.....come right in....

    I thought y'all would find this funny......


    I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad
    comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

    I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

    I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang.

    I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

    I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

    I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac,you'd better do it in English.

    I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

    I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

    I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy *** through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

    I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God.

    My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.

    I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

    I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my *** through a long winter?

    I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%!-up already.

    I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the
    solution.

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry *** if you're running from them.

    I also think they have the right to pull your *** over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

    I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation the world for the next four years.

    I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.

    I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

    I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

    I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

    I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.

    I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

    I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

    I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.


    ------------------
    My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
    My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

  • #2
    Now that's a classic, I had to forward that one to some friends. LOL

    ------------------
    "We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way." General George S. Patton
    "The view only changes for the lead dog." ~ Sergeant Preston of The Yukon ~

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    • #3
      As much as I agree with this post, I sense trouble. It's been posted twice before, and both times ended up being locked.

      I must say though, it's much better with the smilies.

      Comment


      • #4
        Considering the posts this joke brought about before, I think I'll just sit back with my popcorn and beer and enjoy the fireworks.
        Copper2be

        Comment


        • #5
          See previous disaster, er...posting.
          http://www.officer.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/001605.html
          Copper2be

          Comment


          • #6
            Uh oh...goodgirl is here

            Actually a couple of lines in there that weren't in the other posting. With the exception of the crack addicts squirting out babies (and such)....it is better with the smilies

            [This message has been edited by goodgirl (edited 05-29-2001).]
            "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program" ~George W. Bush, November 2, 2000

            Comment


            • #7
              Hey I thought the smilies were the perfect touch...they made me laugh...
              k
              My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think it makes good common sense. I think he might even be a Republican. Now why would a post like this be closed?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Way to improve a classic, K!

                  The extra lines and smileys were a VERY nice touch!!

                  ------------------
                  JB
                  Romans 13:1-5
                  JB
                  Romans 13:1-5

                  Comment

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