how do I reinsure him

[1DeputysWife]

Hello, I am new here but i lurk a lot.

My husband is a Deputy and currently away at Acadamy.
He has been with the same department for years and has finally got got the promotion he has been working so hard for. I am beyond proud of him and I am telling him that often!


The problem is unfortunally I have some serious health issues and I will be having surgery soon. Unfortunally he will not be here to help me with the recovery. He will be here the day of surgery ( he comes home weekends) but will have to leave shortly after surgery.

I keep reinsuring him it is not a big deal and I will be ok, but he is worried and I fear this is going to effect his schooling( right now he is doing great and top of the class) but i worry about after my surgery how he will react not being here.

Him taking emergancy leave and being by my side is not something that can happen right now. His parents and my parents will be here to help with the children and to help me if needed.


This is just really bad timing for me to get sick and have this happen. he worked so hard for this. Putting off surgery until he gets out of school is not something we can do.

How do I help him threw this?

sorry about any spelling mistakes

update post 12

[casaundra]

if he has been with the same dept for years,,,they will understand.a good officer is getting hard to come by...if he has been there for them......they will be there for him,and his loved ones.....

[casaundra]

i wish you luck on healing

[sgttom]

first off, I wish you a speedy recovery on your surgery... hopefully, it's not too serious.

if you have support, i.e. your parents, his parents, other close relatives / friends AND that support will suffice, re-assure him it's okay and get his mind back on track to pass. he'll be there on the weekends to help give family / friends a break and be with you. hopefully, the academy isn't too long for you...

if you don't have adequate support, time to get real with him - family first. Hopefully, his department will support him and allow the leave and enter him into the next academy. I say hopefully because even though folks have been on for a time - this is an "investment" by the department and being off on leave, the department will not get their money back and will have to pay again.... i.e. department feels "burned." I don't know what department he works for (nor do I need to) but the department is run by humans and humans... well, you know where I'm getting to.

good luck.

[1DeputysWife]

thanks you two.

surgery is simi serious and recovery will be hard, but I think I will be ok with the family helping me.

The next Acadamy is full so he could not go then , I REFUSE to allow him to come home during this. He worked so very hard. He is almost finished! ( end of next month)

I keep telling him it is going to be ok. He says he feels bad and I feel so guilty because this is really bad timing for this to happen.

Besides he is almost out of acadamy it will only be 3 more weeks left when I have surgery. I will be in hospital one of them weeks leaving only 2 more weeks left. ( and maybe not even in the hospital a full week)
I think I can manage for the few weeks!

I just wish I could make him see it is going to be ok..We both know that if he had to come home it could cost him his promotion. ( atleast until he was able to go back and finish school)


My big worry is he will have his mind on me and not his schooling. Right now his grade average is a 93!

Now i'd be lieing if I said I was not nervous but I know deep down I will be ok! ( I am trying to not show him I am nervous)

I want him to focus on schooling right now . This has been his dream and I donot want to take any focus away from his schooling. I am more worried about how HE is going to handle this then me!! I'll be fine, I put up with him for 12 yrs so I can put up with surgery ( ha ha ha) seriouly he is a great guy and I hope I am able to reinsure him that it is going to be ok.

there is a program at his work where if needed they could come and check on me. I thought about telling him to just call them and have them check on me, that way he wont worry so much.

[casaundra]

GOD works in ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[1DeputysWife]

I just got back from my other Dr. unfortunally surgery takes two Dr's.( they had to work it where both dr's could do it same day) Had to be done on a monday so my husband could be there atleast for the day of surgery.
My surgery was moved to the 18th of next month. I'll be in hospital 3 days to a week.
this means it will be only around 10 days until Dh is out of school.

so I wont be alone for as long now. I am not going to miss his graduation ( not going to happen!!) So i'll be saying some healing prayers. i'll welcome any healing prayers anyone can spare

[SlowDownThere]

How do I help him threw this?

The first thing that struck me was your selflessness. You are the one having the surgery, and yet you are concerned with helping him through it.

He is a lucky fellow to have such a devoted wife. Good luck with your surgery.

[1DeputysWife]

The first thing that struck me was your selflessness. You are the one having the surgery, and yet you are concerned with helping him through it.

He is a lucky fellow to have such a devoted wife. Good luck with your surgery.

well ty! He has been by my side for 12 years and I want to be by his side as well. I know how important this is to him.

On a good note I just spoke to my family Dr and she is working a plan where I can go to his graduation safely.

[GGw/edge]

Ma'am I wish you good health and luck with your surgery and recovery. I am not sure how much you can use this information. Last year I went for a special training course that was rather important for my job. I am single parent of a teen and gave my Mom and ex full power of attorney over my son and other affairs. Sure enough while I was gone stuff happened with my son. My mother made the decision not to tell me because she new I would leave the class and come home. I did not need to be there the family was able to care for the situation. I sort of sensed on my calls that something was up. I played it off to tv or internet distractions on the other end. Now I know they were hiding a secret. As soon as I called and informed my family I graduated with 100% they told me the news. I sort of wished they kept the secret 1 more night as I fretted the whole night until I was able to get my flight home! Once home I had to figure out the details and deal with the situation. Leaving the academy course earlier would not have changed the outcome in anyway. I guess all depends on the severity of the situation. Family should come before the job. You mentioned your husband will be there for the surgery but will return to the academy. Maybe promise him that if you need him during the recovery that you will let him know and deal with getting another class date later.

[1DeputysWife]

I would like to update this thread.

I end up putting off surgery until After my husband finished school as I was told I would be to sick to show up to his grad. ( there was nothing that would stop me from being there that day for him)

I got to see his grad! I got to smile cry and enjoy it with him.

I end up having surgery shortly after he got out of school. Things ended up being a bit worse then we knew and he had to take a long period off of work.

It was not idea waiting until he got out of school for surgery but it was the choice I made so I could be there for him. I don't regret waiting as there is no way I could of made the trip if I would of had surgery before , he would of also been forced to pull out of school.

I am now on the road to recovery and my husband is back to work doing what he loves.

[L-1]

I'm glad to hear you are doing well. I wish you both the best.

[pkagel]

You sound like a wonderful woman. Your husband is a lucky man indeed. My prayers go out to your family that you recover well.