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  • #16
    Some of you gents have serious insecurity issues lol
    I worked for a police department as a jailer. Literally underground of the police station, so I know the culture pretty well. I know what goes on. This is what helped me realize I was not too passionate about getting into law enforcement.
    truth be told, a lot of female officers told me they would never hook up with another cop. I know one who broke up with her fiance after he became a cop and she would express her emotions quite often.

    you have to be sure of your manhood and your ability to lead as a man. Sure I'm not out there fighting people every night (though I did that plenty of times on duty), but guess what? I'm financially responsible, in the relationship I create the budget plans. I pull my own weight financially, and know how to invest my money.
    she admires that.
    I can give us a home. I have the VA loans on standby, we're house hunting.
    I have the GI Bill sitting either for myself or a dependent.
    I have to 2 pensions waiting for me at the end of my military career. My company has a great 401k plan and I have an IRA as well.
    We have range days every month, we go hiking or hit the gym together because we both have to be fit for our professions.
    I have zero worries about another man coming in and taking my place because quite frankly, I have a lot to offer.
    I don't even know why this became a conversation but you guys started so I'll finish it. If you're insecure and can't handle a strong woman, that's on you. I am too worried about my own progression to listen to fragile egos (sorry, not sorry)

    I was looking more for pointers on how to show support to your Leo partner and how to manage your family time but I ran into people disrespecting my woman's honor. Holy ****.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by MRA89 View Post

      I think someone hurt you devil dog, and you're projecting that onto this post.
      This.
      If YOU worry constantly about her fidelity, your behavior will change, and what you fear will become reality.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by MRA89 View Post
        Hey everyone,

        I've shared many times here, but just a quick reminder, I wanted to be a cop, got into detentions with a local PD, realized it wasn't for me. Went on to pursue a career in the electric field, but I did not feel complete. I went back to the security field and found something I love in the executive protection industry.
        im also a vet, still in the reserves and recently back from deployment in the middle east.

        NOW... My long term girlfriend became a deputy and I don't have to tell y'all what that means, you know the sacrifice. I want to marry her, we've discussed it a few times but I haven't popped the question after 8 years together (wanted to get established first)

        I don't feel like I would be the average civilian husband because I have lived through my own hell but I'm a work in progress. She tells me her stories sometimes and i feel like we have a good understanding of one another.

        I guess the reason for me posting this is to try to find other people like myself who are married or in a relationship with female cops since it is a very unique situation. What are obstacles that I may have to prepare for? What do you do to keep a strong bond even when both careers take so much of your time.
        im.not looking for relationship advise, just a few pointers on what to expect.

        Thanks all


        Marine to Marine here. Got some good news for you.

        I understand all points of view on here. As a Marine who deployed, you understand that cheating is a big (if not expected issue) part of Marine spouses and girlfriends during deployments. HOWEVER, you are talking about much younger and immature people, (late teens to mid 20's.) and deplolyments of up to 6 months. So I in that respect do not feel military deployments lasting months at a time compare to Law Enforcement shift work, at least not necessarily.

        I think some of us may be a little confused over an 8 year relationship that does not even involve a long term commitment, such as marriage or at least engagement at this point.

        What kind of shifts does she work? She is a Deputy, is that primarily a solo function? Works in court rooms, serves civil process, or work the road? Also, you should get to know her shift workers, I think them knowing you would be a lot harder for one of them to make a move on her, rather than you being a mysterious, never-before-seen boyfriend (is he real?)

        I have served in Law Enforcement for many years now, primarily as a patrol officer. And yes, even the older, more mature Officers have messed up (relationships). At the end of the day, despite all the background investigations, polygraphs, etc given to applicants who become the Police, we are all human, with human temptations.

        The cheating aspect is nothing against you or your girlfriend personally, but it is a factor you should discuss. Long hours, alone, things happen, on or off duty.


        John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

        Comment


        • #19
          OP, the points that you bring up are all valid. No one is disrespecting your gf, I’ve not yet met her.

          She’s Never been hit on yet, not like she will be coming up while in uniform. The uniform also breaks down barriers, allowing total strangers to approach her that wouldn’t when she’s in civilian clothes.

          LEO’s are notorious cheaters, not because of their personalities, but because of the opportunity. As a corrections deputy, you didn’t really experience it, because you weren’t dealing with the public on a regular basis.

          The opportunity for extracurricular activity is always out there. I couldn’t / wouldn’t ever trust a flight attendant either, it’s the same thing.

          I’ve never been cheated on, I’ve just seen it happen Soooo many times.

          I do wish you luck.

          Comment


          • #20
            I was looking more for pointers on how to show support to your Leo partner and how to manage your family time but I ran into people disrespecting my woman's honor. Holy ****.
            There's a tendency here at O.com for threads to go off the rails and become baseless or uninformed personal attacks. It's a sad reflection, I suppose, of the culture we live in right now....

            RE: marriage pointers. I'm not married to someone in LE, so I make no claim of having inside insight. But I've personally witnessed several marriages involving non-LEO man married to to LEO woman and they did face unique challenges, often as early as the academy. A common scenario: a male co-worker takes on a 'protective' role with female officer, feelings develop, and infidelity occurs. Then one or both marriages end and the co-workers get married. Ironically, the cycle often repeats itself and within a few years, now two divorced officers share the same workplace. Some shops are practically incestuous with all the inter-dating and marrying and breakups of co-workers...

            It's frequent to see people with 'work spouses', i.e.- married LEOs who gravitate to a co-worker because they groove well together, share laughs and giggles, complain about the same things, etc. These don't always result in infidelity and divorce, but one has to be disciplined and keep a guarded heart, or Cupid's arrow will strike.

            True story: a few years ago, I was in a ten person squad. Two co-workers started jiving at work- one was married female, the other was single male. Little things gave away that sparks were flying... glances and smiles, or how the male would get jealous and weird with other males in the squad when they had facetime with the female. This went on for two or three months until the husband called out his wife for texting with her co-worker on days off or late at night. She told her co-worker the next day that her husband wasn't very happy about whatever was going on and told her to knock it off. The co-worker got the message, and things cooled off to the point where they practically stopped speaking to each other. Moral of the story: if red flags start popping up, nip the situation in the bud.
            I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

            -Steven Wright

            Comment


            • ArmyVet
              ArmyVet commented
              Editing a comment
              What red flags? Are female officers not allowed to have friends at work? Do you never text any of your coworkers on your days off? Perhaps you or her husband are reading way too much into something that isn't there. It's a great way to isolate your female coworkers.

          • #21
            Originally posted by MRA89 View Post
            Hey everyone,

            I've shared many times here, but just a quick reminder, I wanted to be a cop, got into detentions with a local PD, realized it wasn't for me. Went on to pursue a career in the electric field, but I did not feel complete. I went back to the security field and found something I love in the executive protection industry.
            im also a vet, still in the reserves and recently back from deployment in the middle east.

            NOW... My long term girlfriend became a deputy and I don't have to tell y'all what that means, you know the sacrifice. I want to marry her, we've discussed it a few times but I haven't popped the question after 8 years together (wanted to get established first)

            I don't feel like I would be the average civilian husband because I have lived through my own hell but I'm a work in progress. She tells me her stories sometimes and i feel like we have a good understanding of one another.

            I guess the reason for me posting this is to try to find other people like myself who are married or in a relationship with female cops since it is a very unique situation. What are obstacles that I may have to prepare for? What do you do to keep a strong bond even when both careers take so much of your time.
            im.not looking for relationship advise, just a few pointers on what to expect.

            Thanks all
            When did you return from your last deployment?
            How long has she been a deputy?
            Do you live together? If so, how long have you been living together? What's the longest period of time you've shared a residence throughout your relationship?

            The reason I'm asking these questions is that (regardless of your jobs) it's probably a good idea to allow things to settle a bit before you make another major life decision. Let her get fully adjusted to her job, allow yourself to adjust to civilian life again...and see how things go and how you feel about each-other after living together for a year or two. Eight years is a long relationship...but you don't know if you're truly compatible unless you live together (and even then there's no guarantees). You've waited this long. Why the urgency to get married and buy a house now? You haven't mentioned kids at all...so I assume there are no plans to have any...

            Comment


            • #22
              Female veteran of the US Army and a 20yr career as an officer, later Detective of a PD in a Major US city. If you marry a slut, she'll cheat on you. If you marry a woman of integrity, she won't. The same with men, if not more so as they have 'badge bunnies.' I've never cheated. EVER. Yes, plenty of opportunities, but I was more than satisfied at home.

              Now in both the military and policing, pathetic losers that asked me out, only to be turned down as I was married, (I wear a wedding band) would start rumors that I was a lesbian, slut or both. Big deal. I know what I'm about. I know more male LEOs that can't seem to keep their pants on than female. I say this becasue the guys tend to get caught either by the media, supervisors, husbands etc. The females, it's almost always just a rumor. True or not. Especially if they excell at their job.

              You have to worry about conflicting schedules, especially if you're blessed with children, the anxiety of the danger of your respective jobs etc. Only you can and your GF can make this decision.

              Comment


              • ArmyVet
                ArmyVet commented
                Editing a comment
                All of this.

            • #23
              Originally posted by Zeitgeist1 View Post
              Female veteran of the US Army and a 20yr career as an officer, later Detective of a PD in a Major US city. If you marry a slut, she'll cheat on you. If you marry a woman of integrity, she won't. The same with men, if not more so as they have 'badge bunnies.' I've never cheated. EVER. Yes, plenty of opportunities, but I was more than satisfied at home.

              Now in both the military and policing, pathetic losers that asked me out, only to be turned down as I was married, (I wear a wedding band) would start rumors that I was a lesbian, slut or both. Big deal. I know what I'm about. I know more male LEOs that can't seem to keep their pants on than female. I say this becasue the guys tend to get caught either by the media, supervisors, husbands etc. The females, it's almost always just a rumor. True or not. Especially if they excell at their job.

              You have to worry about conflicting schedules, especially if you're blessed with children, the anxiety of the danger of your respective jobs etc. Only you can and your GF can make this decision.
              Thank you. I respect that and I really appreciate your input. My girlfriend was attracted to me because I was the only one that was not behind her like a wolf. Just about every guy at work asked her out but I only did after she gave me a signal that she was interested. She's proven herself trustworthy and a woman of value through our 8 years together. i have enough confidence to know she'll set the boundaries with her co workers. I also have enough confidence in myself to know not just any sucker out there can replace what she admires about me, specially if they shoot their shot knowing that she's taken.
              if we're not married yet it was because we both agreed to wait till we both had found stable careers to afford a home and a family.
              as you said, my biggest concern IS conflicting schedules. I don't know how to work that out. Im hoping that with time, my job will allow me to have more control over my schedule.

              Thank you very much for your input.

              Comment


              • #24
                Originally posted by MRA89 View Post

                Thank you. I respect that and I really appreciate your input. My girlfriend was attracted to me because I was the only one that was not behind her like a wolf. Just about every guy at work asked her out but I only did after she gave me a signal that she was interested. She's proven herself trustworthy and a woman of value through our 8 years together. i have enough confidence to know she'll set the boundaries with her co workers. I also have enough confidence in myself to know not just any sucker out there can replace what she admires about me, specially if they shoot their shot knowing that she's taken.
                if we're not married yet it was because we both agreed to wait till we both had found stable careers to afford a home and a family.
                as you said, my biggest concern IS conflicting schedules. I don't know how to work that out. Im hoping that with time, my job will allow me to have more control over my schedule.
                Impressive. Very few things are as sexy as a self confident man.
                Other police couples make it work, you can too. There may be periods where your respective schedules don't mesh.
                Just remember it's temporary. Other couples make it work, you can too.
                Good luck, and congratulations for finding her.

                Comment


                • #25
                  Just to echo and expound on what some others have said. I don't think anyone is questioning you or your girlfriend's commitment to each other CURRENTLY. But you asked about what obstacles to prepare for. Overwhelmingly, those of us who have been around a while have seen infidelity as an obstacle.

                  One of the big reasons, to your point, are conflicting schedules. For example, let's say you work days and your girlfriend works afternoons. When you get up and leave for work, she's still asleep. When she gets home you're asleep. Hopefully you can get some of the same days off, or you might just have a few hours together every couple of days. Meanwhile, she goes to work everyday and interacts and connects with the same people, constantly. That's where issues can arise. When the job schedule creates a situation where you become disconnected over time.

                  Additionally, I understand you worked the jail, but patrol is different. When you respond to a shooting, fatal crash, suicide, or a situation where a kid is hurt, it evokes strong emotions. It naturally creates a bond with the people who went through it with you. It's why usually officers on the same shift are so tight after a short period of time. Being in the military I'm sure you get that, but being a street cop is still a unique experience.

                  Then comes communication. Typically most officers don't like to talk after work. Or about work with their significant other. After spending 8-12 hours talking, walking, listening, running, fighting, driving, directing, interpreting, we're just flat out exhausted. So you have to really try to keep those lines of communication open. Again, none of this happens in the blink of an eye. It's gradual and it's not a problem until it is.

                  Again, I'm not trying to dissuade you from making the commitment, I just want you to be realistic about the obstacles, because they will come. Simply saying you're secure is setting yourself up for failure. You need to actually think about these challenges and have a plan to recognize and overcome them before they become serious problems. Talk to your girlfriend about them.

                  My wife isn't in LE, but we worked opposite shifts for a while. It was taxing. Even when you do have those days off, sometimes you just want to sit and decompress. Not necessarily got out or have a ton of interaction. I never really understood what people meant when they said marriage is work...until I was married. You really have to work at it, especially when one or both work in this profession. Then once you think you have it figured out, here come the little ones. In any case, hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

                  Comment


                  • #26
                    My husband and I are both LE. We don't work together and that's not how we met. In fact, LE wasn't on my radar when we started dating, but he supported my career transition. We stayed together and faithful through my deployment, and many months of being apart for our respective TDYs. Contrary to other opinions expressed here I am not running around sleeping with every male on my department. Shocking, I know.

                    Yes, sometimes schedules make it tough. We often work opposite shifts. But we find time together and make the most of it. We just returned from a three week cross country vacation together. It does take work, and planning, but it's worth it. Communication is key.
                    "Respect is earned. Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned."

                    Comment


                    • Levithane
                      Levithane commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Well you're a a woman of integrity, and it sounds like you and your husband have a good marriage. Unfortunately the same cannot be said about badge bunnies, dependapotami, and other women that have loose morals, this statement also pertains to the guys who go around home wrecking.

                    • ArmyVet
                      ArmyVet commented
                      Editing a comment
                      There are many men and women of integrity who work in law enforcement.

                    • Levithane
                      Levithane commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I never said there wasn't. I think I was specific with what categories my negative statement pertains to.

                  • #27
                    The funny thing about this thread is that it assumes being a police officer has some strange influence. It doesn’t.

                    If your partner is going to be a slut or man-ho, they are going to do it regardless of profession and regardless of gender or orientation. It’s the person, not the job.

                    The idea that my wife would be less faithful if she were in law enforcement instead of sales is absurd... or that I’m less faithful because I am a cop... the idea would be laughable if it wasn’t so outrageously insulting.
                    "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

                    "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

                    Comment


                    • #28
                      I stopped reading at "she's a strong woman."

                      How many of your junior Marines married strippers with three kids who were gonna change? "She's not like that anymore"/"She's just paying for college"/"Her ex won't pay and she has no other way to feed the kids".

                      Comment


                      • m.p.c
                        m.p.c commented
                        Editing a comment
                        You mean she lied to me?

                    • #29
                      Originally posted by emtguy89 View Post
                      I stopped reading at "she's a strong woman."

                      How many of your junior Marines married strippers with three kids who were gonna change? "She's not like that anymore"/"She's just paying for college"/"Her ex won't pay and she has no other way to feed the kids".
                      What in heaven are you rambbling on about?

                      Comment


                      • #30
                        Originally posted by ArmyVet View Post
                        My husband and I are both LE. We don't work together and that's not how we met. In fact, LE wasn't on my radar when we started dating, but he supported my career transition. We stayed together and faithful through my deployment, and many months of being apart for our respective TDYs. Contrary to other opinions expressed here I am not running around sleeping with every male on my department. Shocking, I know.

                        Yes, sometimes schedules make it tough. We often work opposite shifts. But we find time together and make the most of it. We just returned from a three week cross country vacation together. It does take work, and planning, but it's worth it. Communication is key.

                        thank you! This is what I was looking for. This blew way out of proportion in a completely different direction. I think there should be some kind of routine that is agreed upon. For example, every Wednesday morning we have breakfast and every Friday evening we have dinner out. Because we're both always working, this is something we look forward to. She has a rotating schedule so sometimes our days off are the same. We usually take full advantage of that time. We also give each other space to decompress with friends or have alonetime. There's a lot of time management involved but we're making it work.
                        I'm in executive protection and I make a good living but I'm looking to transition into DoD police within the next 2 years. It'll be a pay cut but better benefits and much better schedule. I'm just gonna do it! I think it's a good time to pop the question! I have the savings, a stable job, access to VA home loans, and she has a great career. If there's good examples of people making it work, I don't see why we can't.

                        Comment

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