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  • #61
    Originally posted by ProWriter View Post
    there's nothing "superficial" at all about ALSO wanting to be very physically attracted to a potential partner.
    I agree. There has to be some sort of *spark*... but you can have that spark with a 20yo or a 50yo...... I've seen some studmuffin 40+ guys at the gym..

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    • #62
      Keppy and PW........


      Thanks for the reads.....solid thoughts and advice there...appreciate that
      Leave Space Empty

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      • #63
        Just to follow up with an afterthought:

        A lot of people are too ashamed of being seen doing mundane chores on weekend nights, but I think you should put that out of your mind entirely. You'd be surprised how many women do show up at the same time and many of them would actually be thrilled to meet an eligible guy who's just quietly foodshopping or whatever and if there's any chance at all of starting a conversation, it only makes it easier because it lends itself so naturally to spontaneous self-effacing humor about not having a date, etc. Being in LE, you also have the additional "excuse" of strange hours to blame it on if you're comfortable divulging that right away.

        In fact, because I hated going to clubs so much, I did just about everything ELSE in a calculated way of increasing my chances of running into potential girlfriends. Just one typical example was trying out different places for haircuts all the time, because those places are usually full of attractive women and it's not too hard to get a conversation going once a girl who's your "type" is already running her fingers through your hair and you actually get to SCHEDULE your next opportunity to talk to her if there's any hint of mutual attraction or interest. It doesn't matter what it is; if you go to the range, go at different times to see more people than just the ones who go at the same time that you go every week by habit, and pick out a flattering shirt instead of going "comfortably." I also tried to wear shirts that lent themselves to conversation, whether they were funny or had a band logo on them. Sometimes you get very lucky doing this stuff; other times you crap out entirely, but that still beats not trying. For example, I saw James Taylor in concert about a half dozen times alone after selling my extra seat outside before the show. That's because I bought two tickets anytime he was in town and you can bet I was wearing my JT shirt a lot the weeks before the show. Had I run into a cute girl who noticed the shirt, I had a pretty decent chance of taking her to the show. I also passed up very few opportunities to cultivate female friendships because they all have friends. This brings back a lot of memories, GPOC, because I was EXACTLY where you're at right now. My wife is very flattered hearing how hard I worked to try to meet her, too. Good luck Bro'.
        Last edited by ProWriter; 05-12-2007, 01:26 AM. Reason: mistakes
        No longer ignoring anybody here, since that psycho known as "Josey Wales" finally got the boot after being outed as a LE imposter by B&G978. Nice job.

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        • #64
          Originally posted by ProWriter View Post
          Just to follow up with an afterthought:

          A lot of people are too ashamed of being seen doing mundane chores on weekend nights, but I think you should put that out of your mind entirely.

          I have done these all my life but now I will take more notice to what's around
          Leave Space Empty

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          • #65
            PW, you just reminded me of a date I was on once-- I was having dinner with this fellow, and caught my self thinking, "Darn it, I could be getting my laundry done!" That's when I realized that relationship was going nowhere! LOL!

            Actually, one of the things I enjoy about my husband is being out doing errands together. He's just good company, and if we have time, we might throw in an activity for fun as well as the mundane chores we have to do.

            As I think of it, GPOC, I met one date through my daily swimming. That particular relationship didn't go anywhere, but that's okay, they don't all. And I met a guy or two through my aikido class. The nice thing about those contacts is that you are doing something that is of interest to you and that you want to make part of your life, anyway. So, if the other person is there for the same reason, you already have something in common.
            We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
            but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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            • #66
              Very cool posts and stories.

              My problem is, i'd like to have someone to go do things with now and then, that i feel comfortable with and already know, withOUT having to go thru the dating process. I refuse to go thru that hassle, judgement, trying to impress someone or look a certain way in hopes that you'll pass the test.

              So i tend to do stuff with guys i already know, but they're only friends. I know its my fault, because i wont do the dating scene. But its just not important to me at this point in my life.

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              • #67
                Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                PW, you just reminded me of a date I was on once-- I was having dinner with this fellow, and caught my self thinking, "Darn it, I could be getting my laundry done!" That's when I realized that relationship was going nowhere! LOL!

                Actually, one of the things I enjoy about my husband is being out doing errands together. He's just good company, and if we have time, we might throw in an activity for fun as well as the mundane chores we have to do.

                As I think of it, GPOC, I met one date through my daily swimming. That particular relationship didn't go anywhere, but that's okay, they don't all. And I met a guy or two through my aikido class. The nice thing about those contacts is that you are doing something that is of interest to you and that you want to make part of your life, anyway. So, if the other person is there for the same reason, you already have something in common.
                That's one of the best comments I've read in this thread. No, they don't all go anywhere. Sometimes I think that people put too much pressure on themselves to find someone. I've found that in doing things I like to do, I meet a lot of people - some have been platonic friends, some have been more. You have to enjoy each relationship for what it is, and unless you and the other person have different ideas as to the nature of the relationship, you have someone with whom you can enjoy different activities. It all depends on what you want out of a relationship.

                I'm involved with Special Olympics, I volunteer with the Community Policing division of my local PD, three nonprofit groups, and I also volunteer at local festivals, etc, and I meet so many people, some of whom have become friends that I socialize with outside of those activities - and I'm never looking for anyone. As Chaplain Keppy said, when you meet people in that way, you already have something in common.
                All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire.

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by Jellybean400 View Post
                  Very cool posts and stories.

                  My problem is, i'd like to have someone to go do things with now and then, that i feel comfortable with and already know, withOUT having to go thru the dating process. I refuse to go thru that hassle, judgement, trying to impress someone or look a certain way in hopes that you'll pass the test.

                  So i tend to do stuff with guys i already know, but they're only friends. I know its my fault, because i wont do the dating scene. But its just not important to me at this point in my life.
                  Saying "fault" indicates that there's something wrong, JB. There's nothing at all wrong, you've made the choice that's best for the priorities that you want in your life. That's taking control of your life. There's not a thing wrong with that.
                  All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire.

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                  • #69
                    Once, as a single priest, I complained to someone about the difficulty of dating and he said to me, “You’re a special case.” I appreciated him putting it that way, because he was a special case, too—he was a high-wire walker! As a special case yourself, GPOC, appreciate that you are looking for someone very special. Not every one can handle being a cop’s spouse.

                    You need someone who can share you with the community but also fiercely defend your family’s boundaries. She must be flexible enough to deal with your schedule, independent enough to do more than her share when you are not available when parenting duties call. She has to be brave enough to watch you walk out the door on your way to work. She has to be able to trust you in every sort of situation—including when you don’t feel like talking about what happened to you at work today. She has to be strong enough and discreet enough to be able to be your confidante.

                    It may take some looking to find her, but she will be invaluable to you when you do.

                    A final thought, at least for now… early on in dating the man who was to become my husband, he astounded me by saying, “The relationship we’re considering is marriage, right? I need to know this is not just going to be an affair.” I was floored, because I was just getting used to using the “D-word” again—DATE—and he was using the “M-word.” That had never happened to me before.

                    But it was also very liberating to have it out on the table, that we were both looking for marriage, and considering whether that was a possibility between us. It cut through a lot of coy game-playing and guess-work-- Jelly, I think that is the stuff you are saying is too much hassle. I appreciated knowing up front that we were on the same page as to what we were hoping it might be.

                    It might not be a good idea for a young person to be so bold, we were both older, but then again, it might be something to consider.
                    We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                    but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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                    • #70
                      I've found that the first thing to do is to make yourself happy. Change things that you don't like. Not just personal changes but for example if your home needs repair fix it etc. If you can not make yourself happy then you can't make someone else happy.

                      Don't go out searching for a partner, you'll never find them. The more you search the easier it is for you to overlook someone. They will find you.

                      I wish you luck, Life begins at 40
                      If you can't be honest with yourself who can you be honest with.

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                      • #71
                        I'm assuming from GPOC's original post that the rest of his life is already together and his only complaint is difficulty finding someone to share it. When I was in his situation I hated having people tell me that I was "trying too hard" to meet someone, especially when other people were always telling me to "get out more" at the same time.

                        If you don't happen to have a job or a hobby that brings you into contact with a lot of people and you hate the usual bar/club meeting rituals, you just have to be more proactive about creating your own opportunities.

                        It's true that an air of desperation is a turn-off, and that's where the theory about "letting love find you instead of looking for it" probably comes from. But if you're a confident person who feels good about yourself and you genuinely believe that you deserve a partner and that whomever you end up with in the long run will be happy you made the effort to meet her, there's nothing "desperate" about creating your own opportunities. Waiting for it to happen on its own only decreases your chances.
                        No longer ignoring anybody here, since that psycho known as "Josey Wales" finally got the boot after being outed as a LE imposter by B&G978. Nice job.

                        Comment


                        • #72
                          Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                          I was 42 when I married for the first (and only) time.

                          I had come to the conclusion that I might not ever find a life partner, so I'd better make the most of my life that I could. Poured myself into my work and my interests, made my home as nice as I could, lived life as fully as I could.

                          I didn't give up though-- that almost implies a decision to stay single or unwillingness to take advantage of opportunities that do arise. I let my friends know I was interested in dating, but still didn't have many opportunities. (I think dating an Episcopal priest probably carries just as much baggage with it as dating a cop!) Didn't date often, in other words.

                          But you know what? It only takes one if that happens to be the right one! I went on a rare blind date arranged by a friend and found my life partner. We've been married over 11 years now.

                          So, my .02 is: stay open to the opportunities, but live your life as fully as you can, as you are. You only get one go-around, and whether you are alone or with a partner, make the most of it.

                          Oh good I am glad I am not alone. I am 33 going on 34 and I haven't found that "Mr.Baseball" for me. I don't just want to settle for just anyone. "I" have to know he is going to be the one for me and we will be together forever. My parents have been married for 41 years now. I do not want to meet a guy,marry him and then years later find out we weren't meant to be together and then end up in divorce. I have not met that guy. At times it sucks not being with someone but other times it doesn't. I do want to get married,have kids and the whole picket fence thing.... But I need to know that the "future" Mr. Baseball will be the one for me. He has to be a baseball fan ....please no Yankee fans.

                          I would also like to add that age is just a number. I've dated guys older than me and it didn't bother me one bit. I asked a guy out who was 21 but he seemed to have a problem dating me (my age). So I moved on and I've dated someone who was in their (50's) when we first met in '03. Somestimes I forget that the guys I date are older than me. Especially when my friends ask me how old the guy I am dating is. I get this blank stare on my face because I can't remember. LMAO
                          Last edited by BaseballBabe; 05-12-2007, 12:46 PM.
                          "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


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                          • #73
                            Originally posted by GPOC View Post
                            I would almost bet I am not the only one on this site that is in the same position.

                            Hopefully this may help others as well as myself.

                            It would be nice to hear more from the ladies on their thoughts about it


                            You aren't the only one in this spot. I am there with you but without kid. But as I said in my last post. I do not want to just settle for my "Mr. Baseball". I need to know he will be the one that I want to spend with. I hope you find her.
                            "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


                            *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
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                            • #74
                              Originally posted by Rumspringa View Post
                              The gym is a good place. That's where I got mine.
                              Well it isn't working for me. I work for a Fitness club and I work out there 5-7 times a week. Still can't seem to find anyone. I need a gym partner to spot me. My coworkers help me sometimes.

                              GPOC... do you like sports? Try going to a baseball,football,hockey or other sporting event.
                              Last edited by BaseballBabe; 05-12-2007, 01:02 PM.
                              "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


                              *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
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                              • #75
                                Disregard this post. Trying to learn the new quoting system.
                                "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


                                *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
                                Not Yet Visited: 16
                                Baseball Hall of Fame- Visited

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