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how do you forgive yourself?

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  • how do you forgive yourself?

    Well...about 6 years ago I met this girl. We were freinds and eventually being really good freinds turned into something more. she was honest to god nuts about me, and I was to blind to see it at first. Alyssa is a gorgeous girl...everything I could ever want in one. Tall, athletic, funny and extremely smart with an outstanding personality. Problem was, during this time I went through a bad spell with booze. I will be the first to admit I had a problem, and I would not at the time recognize and confront it like a man. Ontop of this, I had major communication issues with people I cared about..I.E. her...and that compounded together made for a very bad mix. Well given some time of us not talking so much and me not telling her how it was bothering me and me pretty much blowing her off, I got upset enough with her to call her when I was totally blasted. I guess I was a real ***...which I do not doubt. We hadnt talked since..mainly because of my selective memory. Its been a good while since this happened now (year and a half or so) and I cannot forgive myself for it, and I know i was a total flipping idiot. I dont mean a small idiot...i mean a HUGE idiot. This is one of those things I dont even discuss with my best friend....I know I screwed up that much. I just cannot seem to forgive myself. How do I do it? I know she and I might be totally done but how do I get over it?

  • #2
    Either call her and tell her that or send her a card and tell her. Once it's off your chest you will feel better

    Rather simple to do actually
    Leave Space Empty

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    • #3
      sadly, alot of people do thigs under the influance and it really bites.

      that said, you admited your fault, and your problem. I would ethier email or write a letter, do the same to her and leave it there.

      Cleaning your side of the street is not always the easiest thing to do but its alot better then doing nothing.

      Good luck and hang in there. It may really not be as bad as you think. Thats from personal experince.
      ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
      Oscar Wilde

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      • #4
        Originally posted by GPOC View Post
        Either call her and tell her that or send her a card and tell her. Once it's off your chest you will feel better
        I agree. do it!

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        • #5
          Call her and expain everything thats on your chest. Althouggh she might not except your reasoning, you'll have addressed the issue with her. She may be open to exploring a friendship and who knows what else. Thinking about what could have been is worse than trying and failing!

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          • #6
            Come clean to her about what happened and that you are sorry. We are all humans and make mistakes man, thing is to learn from those mistakes and become a better person. You sound like you've been struggling with this for awhile, don't you think it's time you mend fences? Yes, coming clean is NEVER easy, but in the end you will feel a lot better.

            Good luck, let us know how it goes.

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            • #7
              How do you forgive yourself? You simply chalk one up to a very bad scene of which you are the villan. Move on and get your life together before you enter another relationship. It was best for you, but more so for her. Now she has a complete shot at a real relationship of which it sounds like ...she deserves! YOU CAN DO IT

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              • #8
                Thanks for all the replies guys and gals.

                I went ahead and emailed her about everything. I was pretty open with it and you are right, I do feel better about coming out with everything. I am upset still with myself for jacking things up like I did. The thing is though, I know I am not the only guy to do this so I really should get over it and move on. I will let you all know how the reply comes...if it does at all...haha.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by rtaylor00 View Post
                  Problem was, during this time I went through a bad spell with booze. I will be the first to admit I had a problem, and I would not at the time recognize and confront it like a man.

                  I just cannot seem to forgive myself. How do I do it? I know she and I might be totally done but how do I get over it?
                  As a 22-year, sober, recovering, alcoholic, I can tell you I did many things to sabatoge relationships.

                  Have you ever been assessed, or assessed yourself for alcoholism?

                  I have to ask, are you still drinking?

                  If your answer is yes, you're telling me that despite adverse consequences, you continue to drink, perhaps for the time being with control?

                  If your answer is no, then how did you stop, and maintain your sobriety?

                  Any answers I give to your original post hinge on what you say.
                  "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

                  Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

                  Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

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                  • #10
                    Good job, it takes balls to do that.

                    Now I wouldn't get any grand illusions of getting back with her. If she's a hottie like you described, she's already been scooped up. That's just what my experience would say...hotties don't stay available for very long.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Traffic_82 View Post
                      Now I wouldn't get any grand illusions of getting back with her. .

                      Ditto..

                      Move on with your life. There are tons of great women out there. I know at least a dozen that can't seem to find nice guys. Take care of yourself, workout, keep busy, and stop looking, and that's when you are going to meet someone.

                      As for the gal you mentioned. I'd quit feeling bad over her, and just be the best man you can be. And if by chance you two bump in too each other again, hopefully she'll see the changes.

                      Odds are, she has moved on, or she forgiven you. To send a letter, or to phone her, will probably just weird her out or open old wounds. So, like I said, be a solid guy, and if you bump into her again, ask her to dinner. Take her out and have a good time. Then wait until several dates later and apologize. Otherwise, you'll be doomed from the get go.

                      Take care

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by rtaylor00 View Post
                        Thanks for all the replies guys and gals.

                        I went ahead and emailed her about everything. I was pretty open with it and you are right, I do feel better about coming out with everything. I am upset still with myself for jacking things up like I did. The thing is though, I know I am not the only guy to do this so I really should get over it and move on. I will let you all know how the reply comes...if it does at all...haha.
                        I think you did the right thing, rtaylor, have you heard anything back from her? I'm sure that, even if she doesn't see a future with you for whatever reason, if she is as cool as you say she is, she will appreciate that you came to her to talk about it and apologize. Have you heard back from her yet?

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                        • #13
                          It takes a big person to admit you were wrong,even to yourself.As lovers,you're probably done,timing is everything.But,you might feel better is you apologized to her,particularly in person.

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