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  • #31
    The rule of thumb among the troops was this: a cop should not marry another cop
    No truer words have been written here.

    I have a few theories about how and why LEOs (both male and female) get romantically involved with certain archetypes. My theories aren't exactly scientific, but they are based on patterns I've witnessed over the past millennium. In a nutshell, it's not just where Cupid's dart lands that promulgates such liaisons, but a confluence of complex motivations and psychological traits, some of which can lead to ruin.

    Example #1: Strippers. Now, as a general rule, any interaction with strippers should be as short as possible and as formal as possible. The milieu of strippers is an endless eddy of late nights, alcohol, Motley Crue songs, and big tippers wearing gold and too much cologne. Police are frequently called to their workplace to deal with stalkers, drunks, and pervs and quickly can become hero-savior types to the performing talent. Officers, in turn, appreciate being appreciated, especially by a 22 year old wearing four ounces of clothing. But dancers are a complicated lot and their world is not very conducive to healthy habits and positive relationships. The end result of cop + stripper is almost always a big fiery mess, a predictable train wreck for everyone involved, and has ended many a career.

    Example #2: Groupies. I've never understood why some ladies are attracted to LE as if cops were members of a boy band, but the uniform badge and car can be more intoxicating than a Harry Styles concert is for a thirteen year old. Groupies may not have the same issues as adult entertainers but issues still exist, just different issues. Why do cops go down the rabbit hole with groupies? My theory is this: at home they get no love. At work they get no love. But suddenly here's this doe-eyed person fawning over them, amazed by them, in awe of their power and social rank. Parallel dynamics to Example #1, minus the skeevy workplace and glitter spray.

    Example #3: Co-workers. Now this is a bit trickier to parse out than the above examples, mainly because the involved parties are trained professionals who operate within a highly-supervised hierarchy with clearly defined roles and defined boundaries of behavior. So I look at co-worker relationships in simpler terms, which is two Type A personalities are generally not aligned for long-term harmony. I also submit that day after day, year after year of being around cops and cop talk and cop attitude requires respite, and a having a spouse who cares a lot about home and kids and weekends and very little about whatever effed up work situation you dealt with today, well, that's what brings long term stability in a relationship....



    Last edited by Ratatatat; 01-12-2019, 11:28 AM.
    One day, lad, this will all be yours.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by mike_m View Post
      So to make things short and to the point, I’ve been married for about a year now, got married at a young age to an older woman, 10 year age gap. We’ve been together for about 5 years. Got hired in 2016. We’ve had our ups and downs but I feel like we’re drifting apart. Not to mention I’ve met a coworker who I really like and get along with great and might have developed feelings for. I’m so torn as to what to do. I can talk to my coworker about work **** and she gets it but my wife will never understand. My coworker and I have so much in common and really enjoy spending time together. I’m so torn as to what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
      Call me old-fashioned, but once you make a commitment to marry someone you should devote all your effort into fixing whatever is causing you guys to "drift apart" until all options are absolutely exhausted. If you were just dating, it might be a different story. Could be lust/crush, but since you and your wife are going through a little hump, you're trying to fill this void with feelings for your coworker. Might just be a temporary feeling because your coworker "understands" you. Plus, work relationship usually don't work out that well.

      Let me ask you this, hypothetically, you end things with your wife, got together with your coworker, and 2 years later it ends. Was it worth losing a marriage, losing a friend, and now having an awkward work environment for everyone because you had a little crush on someone?

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