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  • #16
    I've noticed a new inter-officer romance *spark up* recently at my work. He's a metro type, hair gel and designer jeans. She's quiet and can be little needy sometimes but has a 'Something About Mary' vibe going. Both are married with kids. I don't think it's anything more than whispers and giggles yet so I'm tempted to sit them down and lay out how a train wreck occurs but I don't think they'd be candid about the situation. Nor do people appreciate interventions from co-workers. So what happens next is what happens next. I'll report back in a year....
    It is not the well-fed long-haired men that I fear, but the pale and hungry-looking.

    -Julius Ceasar

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    • #17
      Originally posted by not.in.MY.town View Post

      Number 5 is awfully specific. Is there anything you would like to tell us?
      Yes, always turn off your phone if standing in line with your children and holding a magic feather waiting for your turn on "Dumbo the Flying Elephant" aerial carousel-style ride.


      All written tongue in cheek (inc post #15), after all what is the likelihood of a court splitting pensions in a divorce.

      Being arrested and terminated for extramarital affair DV?

      Evading arrest, barricading, hostage taking and suicide?

      Urinating off a sergeant?

      Having a magic feather for Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride or an experienced supervisor having one phone?

      This only happens in a Hollywood movie, right????

      Last edited by BTDT2; 01-01-2019, 03:00 PM.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by BTDT2
        You can f-up your sergeant’s prepaid family Disneyland Vacation by delaying your arrest, taking a hostage and barricading yourself in a "pay by the hour motel" only willing to surrender to your sergeant who is not quite 400 miles away.
        If one of my guys ruined my (extremely rare) family vacation...I'd be THE LAST person he'd want to surrender to...

        Originally posted by BTDT2 View Post

        Yes, always turn off your phone if standing in line with your children and holding a magic feather waiting for your turn on "Dumbo the Flying Elephant" aerial carousel-style ride.
        So using the magic feather, how long did it take you to cover the 400 miles? Or did you hitch a ride with Dumbo?

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        • #19
          Something else came to mind on this topic--

          True story- I know a former LEO (now an attorney; long story behind that I'm not going to get into at the moment). I've known him for many years, and know his wife (they were high school sweethearts). Anyways, they got married young, started a family, some years passed, and he had an affair.

          So like a lot of people who have affairs, at some point he realized the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, or he became consumed with guilt, or he decided it's best to keep his family intact, or he realized his job could be at risk, or for whatever reason, he ended the affair and fessed up to his wife.

          Well, since they were a devout religious couple, the next step was pastoral counseling, which meant a lot of atoning for his transgressions, including presenting himself before their church congregation to ask forgiveness (I'm no expert on protestant denominations but my understanding was his church views the congregation as the body of Christ, and in contrast to the Catholic church where confession occurs privately, confession happens before the entire flock.)

          I can only visualize him, a grown man, standing before a couple hundred fellow parishioners, blubbering about his infidelity and asking for their forgiveness. This was some years ago and his marriage survived, but what a humiliating experience that must have been....


          It is not the well-fed long-haired men that I fear, but the pale and hungry-looking.

          -Julius Ceasar

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          • #20
            To read about a work related romance gone south for a cop, Google Clarence Ratliff, Grand Rapids, MI.
            21 yr copper, conservative ex- Marine falls in love with liberal judge. I guess she “Got him”. No one could believe they married. A time later she leaves fools around on him. He shoots and kills her in her chambers while on duty.

            If it isn’t right, doesn’t look or feel right, it isn’t right! Run from it! Ratliff never dreamed he would die in prison, let alone ever commit a felony.
            Last edited by Wentwest; 01-03-2019, 06:54 PM. Reason: To correct facts

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            • #21
              Perhaps others have already touched in this, but the wise thing to do is to cut off this relationship with your coworker unless it is strictly work related and necessary. Look for any opportunities to reconnect with your wife. I'm not saying this to be rude, but because it is this truth and will make you happier in the end: you made a commitment when you married your wife. You promised complete fidelity to her, and to go against that is wrong and will bring unhappiness to everyone involved. It is one thing to get out of a relationship because there is abuse or something if that sort, but to betray a spouse because you have a good connection with someone else, even if you have a "better" connection with them, is just not okay. I'm just trying to help by saying this, but please cut off this relationship with your coworker, and cling to your wife. It is that simple. God bless.

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              • #22
                I don't have much to add but, as a supervisor, I've never seen these things work out, and I hate trying to manage them because there is no separation between personal life and work, which impacts work, and your co-workers. As noted in an above post, determine whether you want to save your marriage, and then act accordingly. Does your wife think you two have a problem?

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                • #23
                  I also don’t agree with the workplace situations. I’ve seen several in the PD take bad turns and end badly. They happen in the FD too. There was a married female firefighter in my district (one of the first on our department) who entered into a fling with a married firefighter at her station. Next thing you know, word gets out and both are divorced. The spouses make complaints to the Chiefs office and make things even worse.

                  The station Captain is caught in the middle of this mess and wants one of them out of his station, he doesn’t care which one or even better both. The female is transferred to my station (oh joy). The guy from the station she was at is burning up our phone lines because he’s obsessed with her. If both stations responded to the same fire, he was stuck to her like glue.

                  And then......here we go again. She starts sneaking around with a married guy at my station. He gets a divorce not long after they start dating. Everyone in the district is avoiding her like the plague. Our relief finally came when he retired and my Captain talked the Chief into transferring her out of the district. Talk about workplace drama. Wow.

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                  • #24
                    So my wife and have separated till we can figure things out, we’ve been separated for about 2 weeks now. Things haven’t gotten any better, every time we try to get together to talk it just ends up in a argument. So for the mean time I’ve been looking for an alternative place to live. As for the coworker and I, I tried to stop talking with her but unfortunately would wind up talking and venting to her.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by mike_m View Post
                      So my wife and have separated till we can figure things out, we’ve been separated for about 2 weeks now. Things haven’t gotten any better, every time we try to get together to talk it just ends up in a argument. So for the mean time I’ve been looking for an alternative place to live. As for the coworker and I, I tried to stop talking with her but unfortunately would wind up talking and venting to her.
                      Two options:

                      1) Keep your clothes on while talking and venting to your coworker, or
                      2) Talk and vent to a counselor. That's what they're there for.

                      Good luck!

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                      • #26
                        2019: Things are hot and heavy sexually. Life is good.
                        2020: Wife finds out, files for divorce.
                        2021: Plaintiff's attorney subpoenas girlfriend for deposition to document adultery. Girlfriend not happy. Sexual tension begins to wane. Wife is going after a substantial piece of your future retirement.
                        2022: Old girlfriend has unrelated run-in with her boss and gets a couple of days on the beach.
                        2023: Using her best weapon, old girlfriend files EEO complaint. Lots of co-workers waste time writing affidavits and testifying in EEO matter. You have to defend yourself against sexual harrasment charges. Your boss questions your maturity and judgment (just when you are up for promotion).
                        2024: During newly mandated agency sensitivity training, your name is never mentioned, but even the newest recruits know your story.

                        Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

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                        • #27
                          You come here, ask for advice, get near-unanimous consensus that dumping the wife and taking up with the new girl is a bad idea, then appear to ignore it all. Why ask the question in the first place?

                          As for my advice: It's cheaper to keep 'er. Seek marital counseling.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by mike_m View Post
                            So my wife and have separated till we can figure things out, we’ve been separated for about 2 weeks now. Things haven’t gotten any better, every time we try to get together to talk it just ends up in a argument. So for the mean time I’ve been looking for an alternative place to live. As for the coworker and I, I tried to stop talking with her but unfortunately would wind up talking and venting to her.
                            You are heading for a sexual harassment complaint and an IA. You are an idiot. Please don’t come back. You’ve wasted everyone’s time, including your wife’s.
                            Now go home and get your shine box!

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by CCCSD View Post

                              You are heading for a sexual harassment complaint and an IA. You are an idiot. Please don’t come back. You’ve wasted everyone’s time, including your wife’s.
                              He's an idiot because he seems to be following the "advice" you gave him at the beginning of the thread?

                              Originally posted by CCCSD
                              Dump your wife. Go with the coworker closer to your age. Enjoy life.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                I'll just tell you of my observations and hope it helps you make up your mind. The department I retired from had a nepotism rule for many many years. Every time a couple fell in love, one had to leave and go to work for someone else. Dating couples were sort of overlooked, but when it got serious, it was known one of the two had to leave the department. Then, the nepotism rule was dropped and several couples decided to marry. The only restriction was they could not work the same shift if they were both in patrol or in the same special unit.... such as juvenile, detectives, auto theft, etc.

                                I can name at least 8 couples in my agency that married under one of the nepotism rules and not ONE couple stayed together over a couple of years. The rule of thumb among the troops was this: a cop should not marry another cop. I don't know if this is the norm throughout the country, but it is a fact where I worked. I can also name four couples from neighboring departments that had the same issues that resulted in divorce. Be cautious throwing away what you have for a few months of fun with a coworker.
                                If your biggest work-related fear is getting a paper cut, don't try and tell a cop how to do his job.

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