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I left the military, she became an LEO.

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  • I left the military, she became an LEO.

    Hey ladies and gents,

    I'm looking for a different perspective on a situation: My wife and I have been together for 9 years and I've been in the army for 10 with a few deployments under our belt and two children now 5 and 2- So we have been through the ringer together as far as relationships go. Before we had kids, she worked as a manager at a popular retail store, then once we had kids she went to part time employee and full-time mommy. I loved being in the Army, but I could tell the weight of training, possible deployments, more training was weighing heavily on my wife. She would constantly complain about our hours and training, so I decided not to re-up, I made my priority my family.

    About a year after I got out and found a decent job, she brings up that she was considering being a police officer and has been looking at academy. Fast forward 6 months and I she is working a LEO in our local town. This might come as a surprise to most of you, but LEOs work a lot more than a "typical" career. We now go days without seeing each other( aside from crawling into bed to sleep) because she works nights and I worked 1st.
    I learned a long time ago that there are two sides to every story. But I can’t see in this where I wouldn't be resentful for her running off and doing the same thing she hatted so much. I'm trying to be supportive but I'm having trouble managing my expectations - have any of you been in this boat before? How did things turn out?
    Last edited by That_OneGuy; 08-23-2018, 08:38 AM.

  • #2
    You are married. It is what it is. Fella, you gonna buck up or shut up. No use in being resentful about it. Communication is an issue in every relationship and that's what you have here. Also, this is not the website I would be on if I was looking for relationship advise, at least not while Dear Abby is around. Good luck to you. I served too and thank you for your service buddy.

    Comment


    • #3
      You now have a little taste of what your wife had. It's now your turn to be supportive and loving just she was. It's gets better. Plan things to do as a family on her days off and plan date nights for the two of ya. Be sure to plan things in the late afternoon just in case she has court in her days off. It takes time. Thank you for your service.
      I'd rather be judged by 12 rather carried by 6.

      It should be noted that any and all post that are made are based on my own thought and opinions. And are not related or implied to represent the department I work for.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by That_OneGuy View Post
        Hey ladies and gents,

        I'm looking for some advice on a situation: My wife and I have been together for 9 years and I've been in the army for 10 with a few deployments under our belt and two children now 5 and 2- So we have been through the ringer together as far as relationships go. Before we had kids, she worked as a manager at a popular retail store, then once we had kids she went to part time employee and full-time mommy. I loved being in the Army, but I could tell the weight of training, possible deployments, more training was weighing heavily on my wife. She would constantly complain about our hours and training, so I decided not to re-up, I made my priority my family.

        About a year after I got out and found a decent job, she brings up that she was considering being a police officer and has been looking at academy. Fast forward 6 months and I she is working a LEO in our local town.. We now go days without seeing each other( aside from crawling into bed to sleep) because she works nights and I worked 1st.
        I learned a long time ago that there are two sides to every story. - have any of you been in this boat before? How did things turn out?
        Your wife supported you for 9 year during your military career. Yea maybe she complained a bit..........................I don't know of many SPOUSES (on both sides of the bed) who don't complain at time..............but she was there for you.

        Now it's your turn

        Remember .....................when you were on deployment SHE had to take care of the family. SHE had to step up and be the momma bear & that made her a stronger person . That probably instigated her wanting something else when it was possible (your leaving the military)

        Originally posted by That_OneGuy View Post
        This might come as a surprise to most of you, but LEOs work a lot more than a "typical" career
        WHY would you think that this would surprise us????????????? Ah, we live it

        Originally posted by That_OneGuy View Post
        But I can’t see in this where I wouldn't be resentful for her running off and doing the same thing she hatted so much. I'm trying to be supportive but I'm having trouble managing my expectations
        Again you spent 9 years doing what you wanted now your wife is doing something that she wants and what she likes.
        There are millions of dual income families out there that make it work. Is it tough SURE. Is it doable.........SURE.

        Nearly every one of the people who are reading this forum has dealt with working different shifts than their spouse. We have shuffled kids around, watched the kids while the spouse was at work or asleep and have survived.

        I will say that the two of you are a mix of some of the most prone careers for divorce . The military and law enforcement takes a lot of compromise between the family members

        Ok I had 30 yrs of full time law enforcement / corrections experience. NONE of it was me working day shift. roughly 15 yrs of afternoons and 15 yrs of midnight's.............we survived

        Good Luck
        Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

        My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

        Comment


        • #5
          Thank you, I appreciate your opinions and insight here. Sometimes it can be hard to take a step back and look at the whole picture when those damn things called "emotions" are involved.

          Iowa #1603 - The above might might be a surprise too .


          scotty_appleton814
          I used the wrong word I think: I came here not necessarily for advice but for a different perspective. I knew some of you might have worn the other shoe (hers) or at the very least have an educated opinion. Plus be able to speak subjectively on this topic without the natural bias between two people that have been together for a long time.
          Mission successful though, plenty to chew on.

          Thank you to those who serve(d) too, regardless of the uniform.

          Comment


          • #6
            Didn't I see this on an episode of Army Wives?
            Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by That_OneGuy View Post
              Hey ladies and gents,

              I'm looking for a different perspective on a situation: My wife and I have been together for 9 years and I've been in the army for 10 with a few deployments under our belt and two children now 5 and 2- So we have been through the ringer together as far as relationships go. Before we had kids, she worked as a manager at a popular retail store, then once we had kids she went to part time employee and full-time mommy. I loved being in the Army, but I could tell the weight of training, possible deployments, more training was weighing heavily on my wife. She would constantly complain about our hours and training, so I decided not to re-up, I made my priority my family.

              About a year after I got out and found a decent job, she brings up that she was considering being a police officer and has been looking at academy. Fast forward 6 months and I she is working a LEO in our local town. This might come as a surprise to most of you, but LEOs work a lot more than a "typical" career. We now go days without seeing each other( aside from crawling into bed to sleep) because she works nights and I worked 1st.
              I learned a long time ago that there are two sides to every story. But I can’t see in this where I wouldn't be resentful for her running off and doing the same thing she hatted so much. I'm trying to be supportive but I'm having trouble managing my expectations - have any of you been in this boat before? How did things turn out?
              That bolded line tells me you have some suspicions that somethings not right about your wife’s job or activities.


              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by L-1 View Post
                Didn't I see this on an episode of Army Wives?
                Wow. From 2010-2014, that was my favorite television show. Pamela was a cop who married Chase and put her career on hold. Chase was a member of (commonly referred to as) Delta Force who eventually Pam asks him to step away from Delta because surprise surprise, he goes away often on missions. Eventually Pamela leaves Chase and returns to the police force and since this is TV, one way or another the two end up living happily ever after in the end.... Time to fire up the streaming box!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't believe I just remember that. I'm sure I'm missing a subplot or two, but I'm sure that's it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I can see where youre coming from and why you would be a but upset.

                  You gave up a career to make your wife and kids happy. And then she goes on to a career that seemingly has the same effect on you and the kids (away for long hours, training, etc).

                  I would be a little miffed too. But then again, if it is something she really wants. And if you dont miss the military at all (Im a military member myself so I dont see you missing it ;-) ) and if you have a decent job now, theres no sense in letting it bother you.

                  As both and LEO and a military member, I can tell you that everything will be ok. She’ll have days off where you can see eachother and spend time with your kids. And maybe further down the road you can discuss her being on day shift. If thats something both of you would want.

                  Good luck!

                  Comment

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