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New LEO girlfriend requesting input and advice

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  • #16
    I agree with the above advice provided by my experienced but ain't-smart-enough-to-hold-real-job confreres.
    My wife had 2 brothers (both now retired after 25ish), has a brother-in-law (20ish now), and our middle child (he has 11+), all of whom were crazy enough, as was I, to saddle-up, plus she baby-sat for, and partied with, members before she (unfortunately for her) met me.
    If he is a member of an Agency that does not involve geographically disparate postings (cough, cough, State, hack, hack, or, Gawdefurbidde, Fed), then at least you will not have to worry about changing residences or your own work just to stay together.
    As long as you do not mind him being sleep-deprived and of a depraved mind, you should be good.
    Welcome to the family...and we warned you.
    #32936 - Royal Canadian Mounted Police - 1975-10-27 / 2010-12-29
    Proud Dad of #54266 - RCMP - 2007-02-12 to date
    RCMP Veterans Association - Regina Division member
    Mounted Police Professional Association of Canada - Associate (Retired) member
    "Smile" - no!

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    • Blueetedangel
      Blueetedangel commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for the advice. I appreciate the advice and comments.

  • #17
    Originally posted by Blueetedangel View Post
    That’s still pretty cool that he did that. Fortunately for me - I’ve been told I’m a really good cook so maybe others can benefit from that. Oddly enough I hate cooking just for myself but love doing it for others. I cooked a really nice Thanksgiving meal for about 10 people last year and they absolutely loved it!!!
    I'm the same way. I enjoy cooking for others and like to try new recipes.
    Judge me by the enemies I have made----Unknown

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    • #18
      My first question is, “is this gal interested in ME or the BADGE I wear”. As said earlier, we are not a trusting bunch. There are women out there whose only interest is bedding a cop just for S&Gs. (Also known as Badge Bunnies). Not worth the time and trouble.

      Comment


      • Blueetedangel
        Blueetedangel commented
        Editing a comment
        Wow....that is a pretty cynical perception but I can understand where you might be coming from.

        My question to you would be ..... would a badge bunny be interested in trying to understand your life as a law-enforcement officer? The stresses that you endure?Is that the type of person who wants to go into details of figuring out what is like for you guys?

        I couldn’t care less what his profession is other than the fact that’s what he has devoted his life and try to inspire him to be the best person that he can be. I’m most interested in the personality is rather than the fact that he’s a police officer although that’s a great portion of what makes up his life so I need to understand it in the best possible way to be able to be the best partner for him.

        This man is one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever met in my life and he makes me laugh hysterically. I have so much respect for the commitment and dedication he has. Additionally,He encourages me to be a better person and chase my dreams. So no, I’m not a badge bunny

    • #19
      Police wife here. I remember doing the same thing years ago as a girlfriend, trying to figure it all out

      The books suggested are good, especially Gilmartin's. I'd also recommend Dave Grossman's essay, "On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs." A quick internet search should turn it up. He also writes a lot of other good stuff, which you may be familiar with coming from a military family.

      Lots of great advice posted in this thread! I would add a few things...

      If you can help it, don't complain about his schedule. Chances are that he has little to no control over it, and nobody knows better than he does that it's not ideal.

      If you are not naturally laid back, then learn to be chill about him being late (held over), working holidays, having court on his days off, etc. I've seen so many wives who seem to get ticked about it, and take their annoyance out on their bf/husband either right then or later on. Again, he probably has little to no control over it. Case in point, mine was 2 hours late for our first date, LOL! (I didn't care.) Complain to one of your girlfriends if you HAVE to complain to someone.

      Be willing to let him know in advance if there is something really important to you, where you would like him there, so that he can try and plan accordingly. E.g., I don't care if he works every single holiday all year long, but he requests off for my birthday every year well in advance because I've asked him to since it's important to me.

      If he's working a shift like swings or graves, try to keep something homemade in the fridge for him, even if it's just tacos or chili or something easy that he can microwave. Especially during his on-call weeks, I ask mine what he'd like this week, and give him several choices if he doesn't know off-hand. He likes being able to come home at whatever time and know there is decent food waiting.

      Talk about what to do if you're ever out and about and there is an incident: if he sees a "customer", if there's an active situation he becomes involved in, etc.

      Don't expect him to act on things when he's off-duty. E.g., 5AM last week, we woke up to shouting and what sounded like a DV outside. "Call it in if you want." (There were already several units onsite when I looked outside.) He probably doesn't want to get involved in altercations in his neighborhood, at the mall, etc., although there may be exceptions to this. Particularly with younger officers who have the need to be Superman all the time, lol.

      It was like learning to speak a foreign language for a while. Ask him about the acronyms and terminology when he uses them, and remember that most professions speak their own language internally, not just police...I'm non-LEO, and I think mine grasps about two-thirds of what I'm saying when I vent about work in detail. It's okay to not quite understand, ask for clarification, or just listen and sympathize. The longer you're with him, the more you'll pick up.

      Feel free to PM me if you like He's fortunate to have a girlfriend who realizes that it isn't an average job, and is willing to reach out and try to learn!

      Comment


      • #20
        Personally, I’ve been burned by the Badge Bunnies. Destroys a lot of trust in relationships. Then there are those who want info on their friends or “favors” because of our positions. So, any gals who decide they want to start a relationship with a cop, beware.
        Last edited by FireCop203; 05-21-2018, 06:19 PM.

        Comment


        • Blueetedangel
          Blueetedangel commented
          Editing a comment
          I’m really sorry that you have had such a bad experience. Honestly, my first reaction to the idea of dating a LEO was of reluctance as there is added danger to the career but as I have gotten to know the man. It Has given me a whole new perspective about the sacrifices that are made by LEOs in their own lives to help others. I have an incredible amount of respect for him for choosing to serve people. I’d don’t think I’d ever ask him to do something to help me let alone any of my friends.
          My sole purpose asking my question here was to gain the best perspective I Could on understanding his lifestyle. That understanding helps me a lot - for example : it may be his schedule that prevents him from being able to see me, not that he doesn’t have the desire - especially between work and being a great dad to his two teenage kids.

          At 47 years old - I’m not a badge bunny looking to get with a cop, not with my professional corporate job am I typically a person who is needing any help with law enforcement issues.

          I certainly can appreciate having trust issues as we all have been burned before when a person is trying to gain some added benefit from the relationship rather than just being in the relationship for the person.

          I love this man for the kind, funny, loving man that he is not the uniform that he wears but I will do my best to try and support him to be the best person he can be in all aspects of his life including being a LEO.

      • #21
        Originally posted by FireCop203 View Post
        My first question is, “is this gal interested in ME or the BADGE I wear”. As said earlier, we are not a trusting bunch. There are women out there whose only interest is bedding a cop just for S&Gs. (Also known as Badge Bunnies). Not worth the time and trouble.
        During my last ride along, I got the warning regarding Badge Bunnies when I asked the officer questions about which retirement plans to pick (Defined Contribution (401a) or Defined Benefit (pension)? It's 50/50 here so i was told to be careful that it's not the pension that being targeted and that there's paper that can prevent it.
        Last edited by Newuser2018; 05-31-2018, 03:57 PM.
        Be sure to smile for the cameras.....

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        • #22
          Originally posted by FireCop203 View Post
          Personally, I’ve been burned by the Badge Bunnies. Destroys a lot of trust in relationships. Then there are those who want info on their friends or “favors” because of our positions. So, any gals who decide they want to start a relationship with a cop, beware.
          For the last 6 years I thought your user name “FireCop” had to do with being a Firefighter/Police Officer.

          Comment


          • #23
            Originally posted by BTDT2 View Post

            For the last 6 years I thought your user name “FireCop” had to do with being a Firefighter/Police Officer.

            It does. In my early days while working for the FD, I was a police officer in a neighboring city on my days off. My last seven years on the FD I was a Fire Marshal. We were required to be FF, EMT and State Certified as a police officer. 203 was my district and number as a FM.

            When I applied for the position and was selected, the FD got a bargain because I had already been LE certified years earlier. All I had to do was learn office procedures and start working. Everyone else had to be sent to the police academy first.
            Last edited by FireCop203; 06-04-2018, 08:14 AM.

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