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  • #46
    She did tell me that she wants a day to think about things. I have no idea if this is good or bad. I just have to wait to see what she says.
    IGNORE LIST - Banastretarlton AKA "banana boy"

    "In the fields of observation chance favors only prepared mind"
    -----Louis Pasteur

    "Sweat in training saves blood on the battlefield."

    -------Col. David "Hack" Hackworth

    On my 7 year old 2nd Grade Class wall

    ------------YOU are RESPONSIBLE for YOUR OWN ACTIONS

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    • #47
      Whatever happens with you,VaCop. My thoughts are with you and your kids.
      "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


      *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
      Not Yet Visited: 16
      Baseball Hall of Fame- Visited

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      • #48
        Hey sorry but I couldnt help myself to not respond to this post. I too am going through a divorce right now. I could tell you right now that your relationship is heading south and chances of it coming back are slim to none. Samething happened to my marriage with the exemption of the guy online thing. She seemed to get unhappy over a couple of months leading to the ultimate breakdown of our marriage. Every time we would talk it only be about arguements and who did something wrong or not. In your specific case your way beyond trying to fix it with that guy she is talking to online or whatever. She has lied to you twice about the person. First the person was a pregnant female then now its a cop/shrink. It way beyond trying to fix it now. Try getting evidence about her talking to this guy and such. Try getting good hard evidence that she is talking to another male and seeking his companionship. At this point you have to start thinking about the kids. With the evidence gathered the kids are going to be yours no matter what she claims. Infidelity claims forfeit most of the time the kids to the faithful spouse of the relationship automatically. You have to start to think about your kids now not the relationship you have with your wife as that is not going to last but your kids are yours forever. That will never go away or fade.
        Law Enforcement is a career like none other. You face challenges everyday and you get rewarded in the sametime. Thats why LE work is the best career an individual can ever choose. - Me

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        • #49
          UPDATE:

          My wife and I spoke for a long time last night, no yelling, just talked. I told before this that I wanted 100%. Which she was, and she did state she is wiling to give counseling a try.
          IGNORE LIST - Banastretarlton AKA "banana boy"

          "In the fields of observation chance favors only prepared mind"
          -----Louis Pasteur

          "Sweat in training saves blood on the battlefield."

          -------Col. David "Hack" Hackworth

          On my 7 year old 2nd Grade Class wall

          ------------YOU are RESPONSIBLE for YOUR OWN ACTIONS

          Comment


          • #50
            Wow, this is like deja vu for me. My situation was similar. My ex-wife tried to play a game on me. She would not confess when confronted with the evidence. I had her dead to rights from a keylogger running in the background on the PC, to wiring up recording devices to the phones, to intercepting emails sent. I even put a disclaimer on my home PC stating "By using this computer you consent to monitoring". I was one of the people who had the job of busting people for porn while I was in the military.

            Luckily, we have no kids, or any major assets. Just a quick clean divorce. The way I see it is, once the trust is gone, there is nothing really worth saving.

            Now I realize you may not want to hear this, but it may be in your best interest. To start making moves. Remember, protect your ASSets, and stay alert.
            Last edited by DryWater; 04-01-2007, 02:53 PM.

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            • #51
              VA- I sent you 2 pm's ( it didn't fit into 1). I wish you the best of luck.

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              • #52
                Abraham Lincoln once said "A man is as happy as he makes up his mind to be." Assuming that to be true, make up your mind to be happy no matter the out come...and keep the focus on you. If you focus on her and her behavior it will only create and habor resentment. And it will keep you from figuring out your part in it.

                A couple things you may want to consider before you get too deep into the counseling...
                1.) Be wary of who you tell your personal life too. Be very selective in the counselor.
                2.) Pay cash for counseling. If insurance is used the couselor must make a diagnosis...that's how they get paid. Remember all records are accessable during divorce proceedings.
                3.) It shouldn't matter what gender the counselor is as long as they're good...see # 1. And if it were me, I'd find someone with expertise in working with law enforcement families. LEO families have a unique dynamic.
                4.) Try a Licensed Clinical Social Worker or Marriage Counselor...their training and education are totally different from that of a psychologist.
                5.) Have a good support system with people who aren't emotionaly involved.
                6.) As someone mentioned earlier...Be prepared to do GOOD... (Get Out Of Dodge) when things get heated...take a walk, take a drive...remove yourself from the situtation.

                FWIW.

                Take care.
                .

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                • #53
                  Oh, and never, ever, EVER sign anything with the counselor, ever!

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                  • #54
                    Thank you Darling (man that sounds weird)

                    The marriage counseling is going to be Free, offered through my employment.

                    The psychologist, is the one would suggested using a 2 person team. He said it givesboth sides a different preception.

                    5.) Have a good support system with people who aren't emotionaly involved.
                    I think that what she said she was trying too do. Since this man had a psychology degree. and had a cheater for a wife.

                    6.) As someone mentioned earlier...Be prepared to do GOOD... (Get Out Of Dodge) when things get heated...take a walk, take a drive...remove yourself from the situtation.
                    I do need to do that more, I am hotheaded always have been (get it from my dad).
                    IGNORE LIST - Banastretarlton AKA "banana boy"

                    "In the fields of observation chance favors only prepared mind"
                    -----Louis Pasteur

                    "Sweat in training saves blood on the battlefield."

                    -------Col. David "Hack" Hackworth

                    On my 7 year old 2nd Grade Class wall

                    ------------YOU are RESPONSIBLE for YOUR OWN ACTIONS

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Oh, and never, ever, EVER sign anything with the counselor, ever!
                      Why is that.
                      IGNORE LIST - Banastretarlton AKA "banana boy"

                      "In the fields of observation chance favors only prepared mind"
                      -----Louis Pasteur

                      "Sweat in training saves blood on the battlefield."

                      -------Col. David "Hack" Hackworth

                      On my 7 year old 2nd Grade Class wall

                      ------------YOU are RESPONSIBLE for YOUR OWN ACTIONS

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        you sound like a genuinely nice man, and you probably married a genuinely nice woman, and from what you say of yourself and her you are both in pain right now. best of luck. lots of good advice here
                        shepherdess extraordinaire

                        "Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it is dark."- Zen proverb

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                        • #57
                          Originally posted by VACOP1
                          Thank you Darling (man that sounds weird)
                          Don't let your wife hear you saying that.

                          The marriage counseling is going to be Free, offered through my employment.
                          Free to you. Not to the employer. They may want justification of how their dollar is being spent.

                          The psychologist, is the one would suggested using a 2 person team. He said it givesboth sides a different preception.
                          I'd be concerned.


                          I think that what she said she was trying too do. Since this man had a psychology degree. and had a cheater for a wife.
                          There has been no confirmation of who this man really is, right? Shouldn't matter anyway...it's not about him it's about you and your wife.


                          Why is that.
                          If you don't mind, I'll take this one to PM.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Do You Still Want To Be With Her?
                            If So, Is It Only For The Kids?
                            Can You Forgive Her?
                            Do You Want To Forgive Her?
                            Questions, Questions, Questions. By The Looks Of Things, You Got Plenty Of Support From People Here, What Ever You Do Champ, Kids Come First. Good Luck.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by VACOP1
                              She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

                              She met him in a chat room over a month ago.

                              She still thinks I am overreacting
                              CHEATING! I hate to say it, but sounds like she is. Why is she in a chat room talking to random men? I see/hear about this all the time, women meeting men in chats room and then leaving their husbands. I would put software on your computer that archives all her IM's and such. If you can, go through her emails. Or just start searching on your computer hard drive for info. It is easy to do.

                              About the whole her crying every time you mention her cheating, it's called guilt!
                              Your mom...

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by Christyle
                                CHEATING! I hate to say it, but sounds like she is. Why is she in a chat room talking to random men? I see/hear about this all the time, women meeting men in chats room and then leaving their husbands. I would put software on your computer that archives all her IM's and such. If you can, go through her emails. Or just start searching on your computer hard drive for info. It is easy to do.

                                About the whole her crying every time you mention her cheating, it's called guilt!
                                What he said^^

                                I can only say like we did in the military, hope for the best and plan for the worst.

                                Comment

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