Am I overreacting

[VACOP1]

Ask to see the cellphone bill.......

Pre-paid cell phone........................

Well today she is still not talking to me.........I think she either blames me or is too embaressed to speak too me

[Bearcat357]

Pre-paid cell phone........................

As stated above, my ex did the same thing......she had several pre-programed numbers in it....the belonged to the guy she was screwing.

Didn't know if she went out and added one to your account or did the pre-paid thing.....

Once again, sorry to hear that....she needs to be told to go away......

[VACOP1]

She is very adament about not cheating, to the point she in tears about it.

But still refuses too tell me who. She says I do not know the person. this person is prego and married.

So if its a female then what is the problem with me knowing.

[just joe]

I will not say she is cheating (she could have been confiding in a friend), but it certainly sounds like you are in trouble. Maybe you need to sit down with her, tell her what you heard and what you think is going on.

[Bearcat357]

She is very adament about not cheating, to the point she in tears about it.

But still refuses too tell me who. She says I do not know the person. this person is prego and married.

So if its a female then what is the problem with me knowing.

Nice cover story....

Sorry to be like that....but I got burnt bad.....as I was sure it wasn't happening but looking back, all the signs were there.....

If she won't tell you who her friend is....there is something really, really wrong then.....as why wouldn't you tell your spouse what is going on.....??

[Conallron]

Based on what you have said, it sounds like she might not be cheating, "physically" but possibly, "emotionally." If communication is been a problem recently its most likely what's going on. Either way, its deceiving and wrong.

Really only way I can see this going is if you sit her down, and talk to her. If I were in your shoes, if she wouldn't talk to me I would pack my stuff and get out. I understand you have kids, but I grew up in a house were my parents did not get along and my Mother stayed a lot longer then she should have. It doesn't matter how young/old your kids are, they can tell when their parents are unhappy. If the relationship isn't working before the parents, the kids stress about it too. I love both my parents, but they weren't meant for each other, and it was very relieving when they finally got a divorce.

[VACOP1]

She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

She met him in a chat room over a month ago.

She still thinks I am overreacting

[FuzzPup]

VACOP1------- From a Female perspective........From your side it seems suspicious, only..... if you are one of those that seems to find yourself in the position of judge, jury , and executioner of your relationship it may only be her just having friends and trying not to make waves. Women will walk on egg shells to avoid unneccessary drama. If you are a calm man who can talk devoid of emotion to her about it ie: NOT YELLING!, and she still will not talk to you then I would worry. Try sitting down with her and calmly asking her if there is anything you are doing wrong in your relationship that you could improve on. Even if you didnt do anything at all, this breaks down a womans walls in most cases because you are not placing the blame on her but taking it in on yourself. If she starts right off the bat going into great detail about "your" problems I would really consider that you were correct in your assumptions. I guess most of this depends on whether or not you are willing to fix whatever is going on or if you are looking for an out as well. Hope you dont live in a community property state.

[10-97UPD]

She is very adament about not cheating, to the point she in tears about it.

But still refuses too tell me who. She says I do not know the person. this person is prego and married.

So if its a female then what is the problem with me knowing.

Sure sounds fishy...she is obviously up to something...aside from cheating the only thing I can think of is the "Im confused" garbage...(Ive heard that one before..never good) she may have been really talking to a friend about her unhappiness in your marriage and is not sure what to do and doesnt want you to find out. Regardless of what the truth is, she is hiding something and not being honest with you...My best advice would be to have a CIVIL husband to wife talk. You need to know where things are heading...I hope they work out for the best.

[10-97UPD]

She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

She met him in a chat room over a month ago.

She still thinks I am overreacting

There goes my theory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Raiden]

She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

She met him in a chat room over a month ago.

She still thinks I am overreacting

VACOP, first, I am sorry that you are going through this, and I do hope that there is a resolution to this that, God willing, I hope ends in your favor as well as your family's.

Secondly, she may not be cheating with you physically, but emotionally she is. She is confiding in someone that is not her husband, some Joe Q. Public. For all we know, he could be some murderer/rapist taking advantage of your wife's emotions.

Third, have a talk with your wife. I mean, one where you are calm and have your pistol far, far away; and just say hey, you want this marriage to work and be up front, you want to know what is wrong. Don't yell, don't be mad or lay blame on anything, just talk. Let her know, you are concerned about her and the marriage.

Remember, if anything should go south on you, make sure your wife understands that you and her have children together, that both of you need to act as adults. The worse thing that kids can see is their parents arguing over who gets who, and who gets what and the blame game.

BTW, you are not over reacting, this is your marriage and you are concerned about it, I see nothing wrong here!

I hope your marriage works out, and Godspeed!

[Conallron]

She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

She met him in a chat room over a month ago.

She still thinks I am overreacting

Doesn't suprise me from what you said before. This is a case of emotional cheating, she talks to him about problems with your relationships and vise versa. These type of relationships turn into physical relationships in most cases. She needs to cut it off, and start being totally honest. If she is being deceptive about something so simple as talking to someone on the phone, then it means a lot more to her then "just a friend."

Talk to her, and figure out if this is really someone you want to be with. Your happiness is important to your kids too, so if your not happy they wont be either. Don't make your decision to stay or leave totally dependent on what you think will be good for the kids.

[VACOP1]

I do want to say though, I do admit I am far from perfect in anyway, shape or form.

Could I have been a better husband, friend and father yes.

When we were only married for about 3 years (was going on 8), she felt I was cheating on her. When I went away with the military, or went out with friends. But I never did hide things from her. Or confide in another women who was not a psychologist, or family member.

I will try talking to her calmly. I would like to save this marriage, but not sure if it can be saved.

[Raiden]

I do want to say though, I do admit I am far from perfect in anyway, shape or form.

Could I have been a better husband, friend and father yes.

When we were only married for about 3 years (was going on 8), she felt I was cheating on her. When I went away with the military, or went out with friends. But I never did hide things from her. Or confide in another women who was not a psychologist, or family member.

I will try talking to her calmly. I would like to save this marriage, but not sure if it can be saved.

VACOP,

A lot of things I like to look at from a historical view point. Sometimes they may not even be related, but I think of every situation, like a battle. History has a funny way of repeating itself, and metaphorically speaking, history repeats itself, the question is, which way do you want to write it.

In your case, I will look at it from the War Between the States view. General Lee wrote in his memoirs the following:

We had, I was satisfied, sacred principles to maintain and rights to defend for which we were in duty bound to do our best, even if we perished in the endeavor.

You have certain sacred principles to uphold, I call your marriage and family, that of which you should do the best to your ability to work out your marriage. Even if you fail in the endeavor, at least you know, YOU tried. That is all anyone(and your kids) could ask of you.

Good luck!

[Wile E. Coyote]

She did tell me its a married man who's wife has been cheating on him.

So this other married man is in your same situation? Sounds like maybe he's exacting revenge on his wife by cheating too.