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wife wants to bring kids to a friends wedding in a not so safe part of town

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  • wife wants to bring kids to a friends wedding in a not so safe part of town

    My wife and I live in the suburbs now; I grew up in the suburbs, my wife in a nicer part of Chicago. An extremely close friend of hers is getting married and the church is in a sketchy part of the city, but still not one of the warzones. Her friend has done so much for us, stood up in our wedding and her daughter was our flower girl. Now, she wants our daughter to be her flower girl, but because of the neighborhood I said NO, end of discussion!!!! Not even a debate. I looked at some maps and the majority of offenses, were assaults and later in the evening or night. It crushed my wife, but amazingly she respected this. I have all the respect for her friend and I’m not using this as an excuse not to go because we are still going to the reception in Indiana. True, the likelihood is slim anything bad would happen, but my opinion is that it only takes one bullet or violent act to change a life. I feel guilty, but I still see it as no matter how guilty, the risk is real and I based my opinion on the risk, not emotions. I feel it’s one thing being an adult and making a decision to put yourself at risk, but it’s another thing to bring a 3 year old who doesn’t have part in the decision.

    We talked about the drop off at the front door of the church method so we can have the everlasting memory of the ceremony, but we will also create an everlasting memory of running the 30 feet from car to church enjoying about 20 seconds of the sunshine and another 20 seconds back to the car since its safe inside a church, but not outside.

    These are the questions I’m asking myself:
    We all take risks, does the risk outweigh the reward or does the reward outweigh the risk. is the risk worth the reward where my memory is going to be that I made a conscious decision to take a calculated risk of my kids safety for a memory and memory of a willingness to take the risk, or a memory of sacrificing a memory and not-willing. Would you still go to the ceremony and afterwards say "it was worth the risk"?

    Am I wrong? Opinions please?

  • #2
    You said it wasn't one of the "war zones"....................

    This is a close friend & she wants your child to be a part of her day. I would go to the wedding.

    You can not live your life based on maybes

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    • #3
      That is true, and my personal argument TO go. I think "war zone" is kind of relevant to the city. There are some parts of Chicago that are lucky to get through a weekend without less than 4 homicides. For this area I found 12 Assaults within a 4 black radius in the past two weeks. 3 within one block. 3 burglaries although that's nothing unusual for a city. two shootings, but they were maybe 7 or 8 blocks away so not overly influenced either way by those.

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      • #4
        I don't have kids, so I can't say for sure what I'd do, but if a friend were to ask me to stand in for him in such a situation, I might be reluctant -- if anything bad were to happen to my friend's kid on my watch my only acceptable excuse would be my dead body.

        Even so I agree with Iowa #1603 on this one. It's always a judgement call, but being too risk-averse can make you miss out on too many of the joys of life. I've never seen a flower girl who wasn't beamingly happy to be one.

        Since you didn't say which of the more moderately dangerous areas it was, I would suggest perhaps that you look at the particular demographics and consider how much conflict there might be with your own.

        If you decide to go, using the drop-off at the curb method, you might check whether the church has a handicapped access entry, or a delivery entry, maybe off a parking lot instead of off the street, that allows your car to be closer than 30 feet, and if so, pull up as close to the entry as you can, even if it's on a wide sidewalk that goes all the way to the entry, then walk your wife and child to the door, and when they are inside go park the car somewhere and walk back, and reverse the procedure on departure -- just a suggestion -- hope you can find a way for the 3 of you to get to go ...

        God bless your wife's friend and her man in their marriage.
        Last edited by Monty Ealerman; 04-21-2017, 10:32 AM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by wi law View Post
          That is true, and my personal argument TO go. I think "war zone" is kind of relevant to the city. There are some parts of Chicago that are lucky to get through a weekend without less than 4 homicides. For this area I found 12 Assaults within a 4 black radius in the past two weeks. 3 within one block. 3 burglaries although that's nothing unusual for a city. two shootings, but they were maybe 7 or 8 blocks away so not overly influenced either way by those.
          That would be an acceptable risk for me for a special occasion.

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          • #6
            It's not like you're gonna be hanging around there for the entire day. I'd go, keep my "spidey senses" on alert and let my daughter enjoy the opportunity to be a flower girl in the wedding.

            Seems like a reasonably safe risk. No credible or eminent threats, I'd say go for it.
            Getting shot hurts! Don't under estimate the power of live ammo. A .22LR can kill you! I personally feel that it's best to avoid being shot by any caliber. Your vest may stop the bullet, but you'll still get a nice bruise or other injury to remember the experience.

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            • #7
              Now I'm curious where the church is at? Honestly crap is happening everywhere in Chicago these days. I work for the city so I have to live here unfortunately. I always carry my weapon with me, better safe than sorry. If you're super worried why don't you carry your weapon when you go?
              Last edited by 19-Paul; 04-21-2017, 07:29 PM.

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              • wi law
                wi law commented
                Editing a comment
                E. 91st and Brandon, Are you familiar with the area? I don't think I would enter that city without a weapon.

              • 19-Paul
                19-Paul commented
                Editing a comment
                The area is a mix of Mexicans and Blacks. A shady neighborhood for sure. I mean I wouldn't live there or hang out there at night, but I'd go during the day for a wedding of a close friend. There's definitely way worse areas in Chicago.
                Last edited by 19-Paul; 04-23-2017, 08:00 AM.

            • #8
              Originally posted by 19-Paul View Post
              Now I'm curious where the church at? Honestly crap is happening everywhere in Chicago these days. I work for the city so I have to live here unfortunately. I always carry my weapon with me, better safe than sorry. If you're super worried why don't you carry your weapon when you go?
              Heck, should be carrying off-duty regardless. Never know when a "blast from the past" could occur.
              Getting shot hurts! Don't under estimate the power of live ammo. A .22LR can kill you! I personally feel that it's best to avoid being shot by any caliber. Your vest may stop the bullet, but you'll still get a nice bruise or other injury to remember the experience.

              Comment


              • #9
                1) It is you and your wife's call....not yours alone. IMO
                2) If your kids go to ANY public school I would be far more fearful everyday they leave home for school than one rare occasion where you will be present with her during this wedding ceremony.
                Harry S. Truman, (1884-1972)
                “Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.”

                Capt. E.J. Land USMC,
                “Just remember – life is hard. But it’s one hell of a lot harder if you’re stupid.

                George Washington, (1732-1799)
                "I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man."

                Originally posted by Country_Jim
                ... Thus far, I am rooting for the zombies.

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                • #10
                  Originally posted by langford pr View Post
                  1) it is you and your wife's call....not yours alone. Imo
                  2) if your kids go to any public school i would be far more fearful everyday they leave home for school than one rare occasion where you will be present with her during this wedding ceremony.
                  yep!

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                  • #11
                    I learned a long time ago that you can't live your life based upon what if's.
                    Train for tomorrow, for you never know what it will bring to the fight.
                    In the school of Policing, there is no graduation day.

                    Arguing on the internet, is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
                    Do Not Disturb sign should read, Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution.
                    Even if the voices aren't real, They have some really good ideas.

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                    • #12
                      What time during the day is the ceremony? What time will you arrive and what time will you be leaving? If we all lived our lives on maybes no one would have ever accomplished anything. You can't let the fear of the unknown effect the today and now. I say go for it simply based on the fact that this person is a very good friend and they clearly feel comfortable having the wedding there, to me that speaks volumes. Still hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Tragedy can strike anyone at anytime anywhere.

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                      • #13
                        Just go. Or don't. Make up your mind.
                        Now go home and get your shine box!

                        Comment


                        • #14
                          Originally posted by Langford PR View Post
                          1) It is you and your wife's call....not yours alone. IMO
                          2) If your kids go to ANY public school I would be far more fearful everyday they leave home for school than one rare occasion where you will be present with her during this wedding ceremony.
                          100% agree!
                          Delaware County Community College Municipal Police Academy Class 126: July-Dec 2009

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                          • #15
                            Thanks everyone, I greatly appreciate the thoughts. It looks like we WILL be going now although I found out that the rehearsal is the night prior which we WILL NOT be going to. My cousin GLOCK will also be accompanying.

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