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Should The Day Be Shared???

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  • Should The Day Be Shared???

    I was just wondering... When a LEO has had a rough day, should they share it with their significant other? Are there things that LEO's should never share? Have there been things any of you have shared with a spouse or partner that you regreted later on?
    "Those who are undisciplined are held back. Those who are disciplined are allowed to go forward."

  • #2
    I think it really depends on the spouse. If they are strong and will help you get through it, by all means share. However, some spouses will use this as a tool to pressure you out of law enforcement. If that's the case, you need to find a best friend to vent to an not share with the spouse.
    Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

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    • #3
      your absolutley right. I guess its not the best idea to be telling your spouse things that they can turn against your career. Good advise.
      "Those who are undisciplined are held back. Those who are disciplined are allowed to go forward."

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      • #4
        Nextyear, if you have a spouse who is already looking for ammunition to separate you from your chosen career, you have a problem that is not going to be helped by decreasing communication.

        Let me offer you an alternative.

        Many officers don't want to burden loved ones with "the gory details", but that's not what families really need to know anyway. Families are concerned about the impact on their loved one. And that you can share.

        For example, let's say you have a horrific call involving a baby. You don't need to tell her WHAT happened, but you can say something like, "I had a bad call today, involving a baby. I want to go sit in the nursery and watch our baby sleep for awhile. I'll be okay, I don't really want to discuss it, I just need to spend a little time there."

        That sort of answer gives her the information she needs, lets her know how to be a support, without keeping her on the outside of your life.

        Does that sound like it would work for you?
        We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
        but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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        • #5
          Also, here are some books that are helpful for spouses-- and for LEOs, to understand the spouse's point of view on LE:

          "I Love A Cop" by Ellen Kirschman (I think that's the correct spelling of her last name, but if you don't find a listing for her, you'll find it by the title, for sure.)

          "Cops Don't Cry" by Vali Stone

          An excellent one for you and for a spouse is Kevin Gilmartin's "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement".

          And good for you, Nextyear, that you are asking the question. Your family can be your number one resource of support, but it's a challenging life for them as well as for you, and you need to support each other in it.
          We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
          but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy
            Nextyear, if you have a spouse who is already looking for ammunition to separate you from your chosen career, you have a problem that is not going to be helped by decreasing communication.
            Wow...i was thinking the same thing.

            My ex-husband didnt share enough with me, IMO. But I guess he could only share what he was comfortable with, and the rest he shared with the other cops while out drinking. Those nites became so many, that i really just felt left out of everything.

            Its a hard place to be. You dont want to force someone to communicate, but sometimes you both really need it.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy
              Nextyear, if you have a spouse who is already looking for ammunition to separate you from your chosen career, you have a problem that is not going to be helped by decreasing communication.
              Luckily, she isn
              "Those who are undisciplined are held back. Those who are disciplined are allowed to go forward."

              Comment

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