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  • Jealous Wife

    Well, I'm not sure if this is the right forum, or if it's even a problem, but it's driving me insane.

    I have been a police officer for 13 years, and am one of my departments Field Training Officers. One of our recruits, we'll call her 'Karen', has been field training with me. I treat her the same as well as the other recruits. One day, my wife and my son were at a playground and I decided to stop by and say hi. As soon as we pulled up I saw my wife giving me the dreaded 'evil eye'. Not knowing what I did, and not wanting to provoke anything I just ignored it. I introduced my wife and my son to my recruit, and we left.

    Well, over the course of the next few days my wife just wasn't acting right. After much insistance she finally said, "I didn't know you had such a cute recruit.' Everyday, she calls me to see what 'Karen' is doing. We had a person call my house by mistake (wrong number), and my wife saw the name and number on the caller ID. She asked me if this was Karen's number, and when I said no, she called the number on the caller ID and asked for Karen!!!! She has even called up one of our office clerks to see if I have been 'acting strange' around the PD!!!! I love my wife dearly. I have never cheated on her, or given her a reason to think I'd be cheating, but I am slowly going insane over this. Fortunately, Karen is almost done with training, and she'll be assigned to a different shift. I just don't want this to be an issue in the future, espically with another female recruit.

  • #2
    If I had this same situation I would sit down my significant other, and explain to them as TO WHY this particular recruit is with me, and then try to explain to her the duties and responsibilities of being a FTO.

    Comment


    • #3
      I regularly work with a female partner. My wife has met her, and knows that she's married and loves her husband and kids as much as I love my wife and kids. The relationship we have is a work relationship and nothing more. At first there was jealousy, and more than one snide remark, but that has changed to acceptance over time. I feel that if your wife can't understand that, it's her problem.
      Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

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      • #4
        It sounds like your not giving your wife enough attention. Take her out, do something really special for her. Let her know how much you love her.

        She is obviously feeling "distant" from you for whatever reason.

        Good Luck!!
        ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS, DON'T BLAME OTHERS!!!

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        • #5
          As Always.the people in this forum are wise.It sounds like she's being a bit insecure,and perhaps pay her a little more attention.Explain to her that she is driving you nuts.Sometimes we work with the opposite sex,sometimes they're single and attractive,that's life,she has to deal.The fact that she made that call is a bit over the top,perhaps a little counseling might be in order for her.

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          • #6
            You know I have had this problem as well....But kinda on the flip side... When I work with my partner we have fun and are friends. Except his wife, thinks that more is up with it. Even though he knows I am a lesbian and he has told her she thinks its just a act. I notice this to be a problem often for me with my male counterparts and it sucks because I hang out with guys more than girls.

            So damned if you do and damned if you don't.
            THE OTHER PLACE...A Forum to get away to

            Patience with ignorance

            Everyone is gay until proven striaght.

            I am the one you want and what you want is so unreal--M.M.

            When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed--M.M.

            Art may imitate life, but life imitates TV--Ani Difranco

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            • #7
              I have a theory on this...I see it a lot especially in the LE profession. A lot of the posters made some good suggestions. First off, if you arent spending a lot of time with your wife, you might want to start. She may be feeling neglected and that may cause her to feel like you might be cheating on her. If this isnt an issue, than here is my theory:

              A female LEO can be very intimidating to a wife or g/f. Many female LEO's are considered tough, smooth talkers, and confident. If you are a female LEO in great shape, have a good body, and are good looking, bigger plus. A lot of wives may threatened by that. Especially if the wife is a stay at home mom, or if she has a so-so job. She may feel inferior to the female LEO that her husband hangs out with or works with. Thats why she gets over protective, jealous, and she starts to be a pain in the [email protected]#.

              I know it probably gets on your nerves. I know it gets on mine when I get the evil eye from gfs or wives just because I have to work with their husbands. if I were a man and the woman I was with acted like that I would eventually begin to think she didnt trust me if she keeps acting like that. Especially if you have reassured her you just have a working relationship. On the other hand, you might like the attention and it might give you the feeling that she actually cares about you. I hope it works out with you and I hope it doesnt ruin any friendships or working relationships that you have with your trainee!!!
              "...I'd never let you down, even if I could. I'd give up everything if only for your good..." 3 Doors Down

              "Strength is when your body gives out and your heart and your mind take over"

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              • #8
                Thanks for all the replys. I had a sit down with her the other day. It basically comes down to an ex-boyfriend of hers cheating on her a long time ago. Well, after reminding her that we have been married for 7 years, and have a child with another on the way and there was no way I'd cheat on her, she apologized. I guess our dinner out at a nice Italian restaurant didn't hurt either.

                Thanks again for everybody's comments and suggestions.

                Stay Safe.

                Comment


                • #9
                  See, you left out a few facts in your initiall question. Strike what I pm'd you. She is pregnant and a lot of hormones are raging through her. Being that she is a little imbalanced right now you need to reassure her on a regular basis of how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate her tearing herself up for you. A few "I love you" post it notes in weird places can't hurt either.

                  Originally posted by 1code12
                  have a child with another on the way .
                  "Respect for religion must be reestablished. Public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of public officials must be curtailed. Assistance to foreign lands must be stopped or we shall bankrupt ourselves. The people should be forced to work and not depend on government for subsistence." - Cicero, 60 B.C.

                  For California police academy notes go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CABasicPolice/

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                  • #10
                    pk has a point...........good advice. But dont over-do it and look guilty. Be subtle.

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                    • #11
                      I don't remember you ever leaving any " I love you" notes around the house when I was pregnant and about to give birth to our toddler...


                      Originally posted by pkagel
                      See, you left out a few facts in your initiall question. Strike what I pm'd you. She is pregnant and a lot of hormones are raging through her. Being that she is a little imbalanced right now you need to reassure her on a regular basis of how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate her tearing herself up for you. A few "I love you" post it notes in weird places can't hurt either.
                      Last edited by Tender Lumpling; 09-16-2005, 05:56 PM.
                      [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=4][COLOR=Indigo]Oh listen tender lumplings let me take you by the hands...I

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                      • #12
                        Hey, Hey, you never got that mad at me, I emailed you notes instead.

                        Originally posted by Tender Lumpling
                        I don't remember you ever leaving any " I love you" notes around the house when I was pregnant and about to give birth to our toddler...
                        "Respect for religion must be reestablished. Public debt should be reduced. The arrogance of public officials must be curtailed. Assistance to foreign lands must be stopped or we shall bankrupt ourselves. The people should be forced to work and not depend on government for subsistence." - Cicero, 60 B.C.

                        For California police academy notes go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CABasicPolice/

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          dang, call the police man,,, there is about to be a cyber domestic

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Tender Lumpling
                            I don't remember you ever leaving any " I love you" notes around the house when I was pregnant and about to give birth to our toddler...
                            you gave birth to a toddler,,bet that was ruff,, birth to a 2 foot 20 lbs kid,,,wOw!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              OMG...you have NO idea !!! My daughter was almost 10 pounds at birth and just shy of 22" long !! That may not sound impressive, but I have almost NO torso ~ just legs and a head. My daughter was so big and long, I couldn't breathe well the last part of my pregnancy. My daughter was soooo tightly compacted in my abdomen ~ she was born with her legs bent up like a grasshoppers for over 3 weeks !!!


                              Originally posted by gotthblues
                              you gave birth to a toddler,,bet that was ruff,, birth to a 2 foot 20 lbs kid,,,wOw!
                              [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=4][COLOR=Indigo]Oh listen tender lumplings let me take you by the hands...I

                              Comment

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