Liars

[cc26]

My younger brother lies constantly and it drives me crazy. He lies about the most unimportant little things, things that aren't worth lying about.

Since I was a freshman in high school and my mom started working full-time, it's been my unsaid responsibility to take take of my little brother while shes at work. As a result of this, I tend to act much more like his mother than his sister, making sure he eats lunch and cleans up after himself.

I catch him atleast three times a day in a lie. I hate liars and it makes me sad to see how dishonest my own little bother is becoming. He's only 13 years old, I can't imagine how bad it'll get in a couple of years when he's a full-blown teenager. Last year, he stole $50 from my older brother so he could buy a video game, I don't think you can get anymore dishonest than that.

I know it's my parents responsibility to raise my younger brother but as his sister, I'm very concerned about how he's acting. I feel as though I failed as an older sister in teaching him right from wrong. I don't what what can be said or done to change his behavior and stop his lying. Any advice you have for me on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[lt93lover]

Boy, you've got a hard job there! I think you need to talk to your parents, not so much as to rat out your brother, but he needs to be taught that what he's doing is wrong-I'm sure he knows already, he's old enough, and they need to know what he's doing when they're not there.

I lied when I was little, until I thought just saying I was sorry would work-my parents caught on to that, then I had to start the time-out and punishments-it did not take long at all for me to stop that bad habit!

Best of luck-you are in for a time since he's only 13!

[BrickCop]

That's atough age as he is only gettibg started in the terrible teens. Your parents have to step it up with him. A lot of teenagers will lie to some degree at that age because they're insecure and/or subject to peer pressure. I share your concern that his is not only lying- he's also stealing.

What did your parents do about his stealing from his brother?

[cc26]

He had to work off the $50 by doing various chores around the house and then paying my brother back with the money he earned (they returned the video game and paid him with the money from that) and wasn't allowed to play video games for a month. I thought that was a pretty good punishment but I would've been even harder on him if he were my son.

As far as the day to day lying, my parents don't do anything about it. I tell them about it but they don't seem to take any action. I also don't want my little brother to resent me for always ratting him out but I guess I'd rather be a little resented than have a lying scumbag of a brother in the future.

I'm just really disappointed in how he's acting and really don't know what I (as his sister) can do about it.

[Chaplain Keppy]

Have you ever expressed your concern to him? I don't mean expressed your anger or judgment, but your concern?

You might try it-- not speaking as the person who feels responsible for him, since that'll perhaps get his back up, but as someone who cares about him.

Find a time when you two have privacy and there's not a current disagreement going on-- in other words, when things are pretty good between you.

You'd need to put it into your own words, of course, but if I were in your shoes, I think I'd try saying something like this: "Joe, I want to talk to you about something that's on my mind. I hope you know that I care about you a lot, and that I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you. When you lie, I feel afraid that you are becoming a dishonest person, and it makes it difficult for me to trust anything that comes out of your mouth. It also puts me in a bad position, when I know you are lying or taking advantage of someone-- because I don't want to tell on you, but I also won't let you make me into your accomplice. I'm saying this just to ask you to think about this, and the effect it has on others and how they feel about you. If people decide they can't trust you, you are going to find yourself very lonely."

If you think it would be really hard to have that conversation, you could try writing him a letter. That might be better, even, because he could think about what you are saying without having to deal with you immediately.

Might be worth a try.

I don't know whether you are a praying person or not, but if you are, you might try keeping him in your prayers for awhile, and ask God to help you put your loving concern into words he can hear and understand.

In the end, he has to be responsible for himself. But you will feel better if you have expressed your concern for him and helped him see this hole he is falling into.

[cc26]

Thats a good idea Chaplain, I think I'll try that out. Come to think of it, I've expressed my concerns to him during an argument but never when we were getting along just fine. He'll probably be more likely to listen if I talk to him when we both have level heads.

I do pray for him and everyone else in my life often. But I've got alot of thanking god to do, ironically, he just got hit by a car tonight while riding his bike. His arm is busted up pretty bad but luckily he came away still walking and breathing. Thank god, one second earlier or later could've meant his life. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to that kid, even if he can be a pain in the ***.

Thanks for your help.

[Chaplain Keppy]

Sorry to hear about his broken arm, and glad to hear it wasn't worse!

It's scary when someone you love has a close call like that-- it makes you realize you can lose anyone, anytime, no matter how important they are to you. That is an important thing to understand about life, but people do different things with that knowledge. As for me, I use it to help me keep perspective on what is important and what is not. It's easy to waste one's life if one doesn't pay attention.

Let us know how it goes with your brother, okay?

[cc26]

I sure will. Thanks again for your help.