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  • jerseyshorecop
    replied
    Cops and marriage

    Originally posted by Soleil_nuage
    Well, alrighty then!!!
    So...Less Bewildered and confused?......

    Leave a comment:


  • t150vsuptpr
    replied
    All this stuff about pressure and s**t is just that ... pure, unadulterated, "B.S."!!

    Men are "pigs" basically, no two ways about it, it's the way they were created, they have this inate desire to mate and procreate the species. Females have these interesting looking bumps and curves that some call "figures" that make them attractive to the male members. It's about evolution, it's about survival of the fittest, it's about the species getting bigger and stronger through sucessive generations.

    Cops just have more opportuntity. It takes a man with great self restraint to be a cop and fullfill his marital vows of forsaking all others. Few of us are up to the task. The rest of them must be watched every moment, kept constant track of, else they will stray.


    Leave a comment:


  • I8A4RE LDYCOP2B
    replied
    I am convinced that dating a cop does take a special woman, but if you want it to work you can make it work.[/QUOTE]


    Yes, I agree

    Leave a comment:


  • MattG
    replied
    I had posted once before that I was dating a girl who left me halfway through the academy due to "lack of time." I was convinved that relationships would be very hard due to this job...from what I've read, from what officers told me, and from what then happened to me.

    The problem though was her. She was unstable and when it finally came down to being truly serious...she would freak out and leave. I knew she was engaged twice before too...in police work we call that a clue. I was in "love" though and when you're in the circle it's very hard to see outside of it.

    Since then...been about 6 months...I've met some girls and even dated one for about 2 months before I called it off. I am convinced that dating a cop does take a special woman, but if you want it to work you can make it work.

    Leave a comment:


  • bubbaskinner
    replied
    I can say a few things here. First, my EX-wife's father retired after 27 years of law enforcement. She told me I don't know how many times that she knew how to handle it, "my dad is a cop." Apparently she doesn't realize that her dad being a cop and her husband being a cop were different. I know from personal experience that badge bunnies are not to be dealt with. Even my fat *** had badge bunnies follow him. You may think that she is understanding about it all but you have to sit and talk to her and explain everything to her, the hours, the stress, just in general....the whole job. To be a cop is a special thing, not everybody wants to and not everybody can do it. Another thing, the day I went to the academy my ex decided she would smoke weed at a St. Patrick's day party. She claims her twin brother pushed her to do it, but we all know that if you don't want to do something you don't have to do it. Like I said, being married and a cop is a hard thing to do. It takes two special people that are understanding and have great communication. The girl I'm with now is 5 years older than me and also has a kid and she knows the kind of shifts I work, but she appreciates all the time I do get to spend with her no matter when it is. I wish you luck with being a cop and the marriage, both can be very rewarding.

    Leave a comment:


  • mikemac64
    replied
    Married 14 years, been a cop for 9. All is fine here.

    Leave the bull at work. Get involved in your kids sports, it's a great reason to NOT hang out with the boys. Don't hit "Choir Paractice" every night. Watch out for the "Badge Bunnies". It's amazing how good looking you become after you become a cop.

    Leave a comment:


  • mmsig229
    replied
    Like they said in the movie Unlawful Entry, "Cops and Marriage are a Bad Combination." Hate to be a downer here, but with normal marriages the divirce rate is over 50%, in LE it's MUCH higher. Rotating shifts, long hours, poor sleep habits, poor health practices, working holidays, weekends, and mids...You get the picture. For every person who posts here with a happy ending, there are probably 10 fold who are miserable, divorced, or will be divorced. Sorry, but those are the cold hard facts...

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  • TPDWife
    replied
    We'll be married 7 years on 10-4.

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  • Soon2Be
    replied
    Just don't try all your defensive tactic moves on her! My guy does that to me, and it drives me nuts!

    Leave a comment:


  • H8Criminals
    replied
    I've been in LE for just short of 12 years, and married just short of 2. I think what helped in my case was already being in LE when we started dating, so she had the opportunity to see what my job was all about before we took the plunge. I was working late swings when we met (1700-0300) and then went to mids when we went to 12-hours shifts (1900-0700). Once I got into the motor unit, I switched, and now work 0700-1900. Of course overtime events arise, and, being part of a special events team, I often get assigned to details that most officers don't ... (ie details in Washington DC, Vancouver, WA, and midnight detail for 3 months (or was it only 2?) at the Golden Gate Bridge. I wouldn't change it for anything, especially since those details mean extra money. Of course, we don't have kids yet, but we'll see how things change. Of course, I have to admit she's not always thrilled about these special details, especially the most recent one, where we're very likely getting sent down to New Orleans, or somewhere on the Gulf Coast.

    We were together for 4 1/2 years dating before we got married, so she's seen just about everything so far our department will send us through.

    -- As a side note, I noticed someone had mentioned their friend's situation while he was at FLETC. When I went through 12 years ago, I had a girlfriend ... who took the opportunity to experiment with drugs and other guys while I was gone. Now, she was only a girlfriend, nnot a wife, but looking back, I'm glad she did it ... before I chose my duty station.

    Leave a comment:


  • hemicop
    replied
    marrying a cop

    NO.1--- Family comes first! You can always get another job. After 29+ years doing this, in retrospect I wouldn't even date much less marry a cop. Oh the job is good but the politics, micro-managing and mind games that can go on just isn't worth it. That coupled with the fact the job is getting more difficult to do each year with tighter restrictions and more risk makes it Verry diificult to justify to your new spouse or fiance' why you want to do it. If you think you can handle it,though, go for it.....good luck

    Leave a comment:


  • Tender Lumpling
    replied
    Harley Therapy

    Originally posted by Harleydude
    we have plenty of time for each other and the kids, vacations are not always accomidating, with court, assignments and the kids who are ,(children of divorce), but thats another issue, it pretty much works out ok, we cant just up and take off if thats what you mean, thats why we got a Harley, its the best darn theropy any couple can have, open roads, no kids, places to go and see, you just have to plan ahead, good luck, get -err- done!!
    I agree with Harleydude !!! A motorcycle is absolutely the BEST WAY to give couples the therapy they need....no kids, no stress and no worries. I apply "motorcycle therapy" in a different way though - I ride my motorcycle down along the ocean on PCH to have some time AWAY from my family !!! Having family time is a blessing -but ALONE time is essential to your sanity too !

    Leave a comment:


  • Harleydude
    replied
    Originally posted by grullj
    Do you have time to see each other? Can you take vacations, since that's what we want to do before we have kids. Those are basically some of the important things to me, but I really would love to be a cop.
    we have plenty of time for each other and the kids, vacations are not always accomidating, with court, assignments and the kids who are ,(children of divorce), but thats another issue, it pretty much works out ok, we cant just up and take off if thats what you mean, thats why we got a Harley, its the best darn theropy any couple can have, open roads, no kids, places to go and see, you just have to plan ahead, good luck, get -err- done!!

    Leave a comment:


  • 1515cpd
    replied
    I have read your concerns andI will give you my opinion.

    WhenI went through the Police Academy, I was told by several instructors that this job will become your life etc., blah,blah.

    Listen. Make this job 8hrs. 10hrs. 12 hrs., or whatever the department you work for requires. As time progresses you have to keep a positive attitude. I see so many guys that haven't been on the job as long as I have and you would think that they have been wronged by the city for 25 years. You must remember that you are responsible for two things. Going home and making sure that your partner if you have one goes home. You will see that things may seem like to same thing everyday, but each day is different because the people you encounter are different. You must as one person states leave work at work. My thoughts are be friends with cops take care of them as they will take care of you. I have several on the job friends but do not associate with many away from work. My other thought is don't get caught in the politics of the job. I also losten to so many guys complain about the city doesn't do this and give us that. Well we have to take some of the blame. The city doesn't drive the cars that we use. I treat my zone car like my personal.

    You will encounter a lot of temptation with that uniform. Don't fall into it.

    I think I am fortunate because my wife is a dispatcher, so she knows first hand the things that I deal with. The only thing that really gets to me sometimes is incidents involving babies, and DOAs (dead bodies) usually natural. You feel for the victim and the family. But as time passes you will find the part of the job that works best for you. I personally don't spend a lot of time chasing drug dealers not that I don't like action but unfortunately due to our justice system, it doesn't pay to work so hard on that end. I am more concerned with the dometics and things like that. I want to give a person that I encounter complete faith and satisfaction that they were given the best service they can ask for. As time progresses you will balance life and work, just remember not to make work your life. Have a backup plan, we never know when we don't want todo this job or can't do this job. Take care and good luck to you.

    Leave a comment:


  • Chiller
    replied
    On a downer note for everyone....My buddy just recently returned from FLETC to discover his whore wife was banging a coworker of hers....

    Just keep everything in the open and hopefully you will be ok...but what do i know...I have been married almost 8 years and now going into LE work hopefully

    Leave a comment:

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