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  • Being a married cop

    How is everyone doing? I am about to ask my long time girlfriend to marry me soon. When I graduate from my university I am going to apply to become a cop. my question is, me and my girlfriend are very close and spend lots of time together, how will life be once I am a cop. Is it very hard to have a succesful marriage life and how did you do it, if any of you were in my situation.

  • #2
    not a cop but im in the same situation, ive read alot of these topics and the general consensus is that its very hard and the number key is having a wife who knows what shes getting into(in my case my gf has an uncle who is a highway patrolman and is close with his wife so she has a general idea of what shes getting into) and just in basic terms knowing that it will be hard but worth it to be both married and a cop

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    • #3
      yea lucky for me my gf's uncle is a PD captain, and he's been married for 25 years so it is possible. And he also got married before he became a cop.

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      • #4
        married to a cop

        Well, I've been married for 28 years and have been a cop for 25. Believe me, it takes a lot of patience on both of your parts. It was tough in the beginning and the worst thing you can do is convince yourself that she wouldn't understand the things you go through. Even if you think you don't want to worry her with gruesome details, find a way to share them. You'll be surprised at how understanding a good woman can be. And don't think that you have to blow off steam with the boys every time you have a stressful shift. Occassionally, sure, but you need to let your wife know when you are having a rough time. You'd be there for those you protect and serve, so let her be there for you. Thats my advice and it works for me.
        Jerry
        "If all else fails, stop using all else!"

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        • #5
          //////////
          Last edited by Harleydude; 01-12-2006, 08:07 AM.
          Just the facts ma`am, just the facts.

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          • #6
            My husband is a Deputy Marshal we've been married 12 yrs. Just remember to leave work at work, I know that can be hard sometimes. Don't treat her like the people you encounter on the street and you'll be fine. And it helps if she understands the stress and rigors of the job.

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            • #7
              Do you have time to see each other? Can you take vacations, since that's what we want to do before we have kids. Those are basically some of the important things to me, but I really would love to be a cop.

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              • #8
                Communication is very important as well as sacrifice.

                It's hard when my husband and my schedule criss cross each other. There would be times when he and I wave at each other on the road as we come home from work or go to work.

                The quality and the quantity of the time you spend with your spouse is equally important. Make time for your significant other. You work your shift and leave work at work. If you let work time take over the time you can spend with your significant other it will ruin your relationship.

                She should marry you for you as a person. Let her know that LEO is something you want to do and ask her if she will accept the fact that your job may require your absence from time to time. She's gonna have to accept and be supportive of your decision in wanting to be in LEO.

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                • #9
                  getting married

                  Hello,
                  I just recently graduated from an academy and am also a newly wed. My advise to you is as follows. Be sure she understands how much time and effort you will need to put in through out the academy and fto program. A new marriage needs to build a strong foundation and that also requires alot of time. i have been married for just under 1 year and the academy made my marriage really hard for a while. in the end it will be your choice on what you are gonna do. Good luck and feel free to hit me up with any questions.

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                  • #10
                    On a downer note for everyone....My buddy just recently returned from FLETC to discover his whore wife was banging a coworker of hers....

                    Just keep everything in the open and hopefully you will be ok...but what do i know...I have been married almost 8 years and now going into LE work hopefully
                    Just shut your damn hole




                    Dead Souls-----They keep calling me

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                    • #11
                      I have read your concerns andI will give you my opinion.

                      WhenI went through the Police Academy, I was told by several instructors that this job will become your life etc., blah,blah.

                      Listen. Make this job 8hrs. 10hrs. 12 hrs., or whatever the department you work for requires. As time progresses you have to keep a positive attitude. I see so many guys that haven't been on the job as long as I have and you would think that they have been wronged by the city for 25 years. You must remember that you are responsible for two things. Going home and making sure that your partner if you have one goes home. You will see that things may seem like to same thing everyday, but each day is different because the people you encounter are different. You must as one person states leave work at work. My thoughts are be friends with cops take care of them as they will take care of you. I have several on the job friends but do not associate with many away from work. My other thought is don't get caught in the politics of the job. I also losten to so many guys complain about the city doesn't do this and give us that. Well we have to take some of the blame. The city doesn't drive the cars that we use. I treat my zone car like my personal.

                      You will encounter a lot of temptation with that uniform. Don't fall into it.

                      I think I am fortunate because my wife is a dispatcher, so she knows first hand the things that I deal with. The only thing that really gets to me sometimes is incidents involving babies, and DOAs (dead bodies) usually natural. You feel for the victim and the family. But as time passes you will find the part of the job that works best for you. I personally don't spend a lot of time chasing drug dealers not that I don't like action but unfortunately due to our justice system, it doesn't pay to work so hard on that end. I am more concerned with the dometics and things like that. I want to give a person that I encounter complete faith and satisfaction that they were given the best service they can ask for. As time progresses you will balance life and work, just remember not to make work your life. Have a backup plan, we never know when we don't want todo this job or can't do this job. Take care and good luck to you.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by grullj
                        Do you have time to see each other? Can you take vacations, since that's what we want to do before we have kids. Those are basically some of the important things to me, but I really would love to be a cop.
                        we have plenty of time for each other and the kids, vacations are not always accomidating, with court, assignments and the kids who are ,(children of divorce), but thats another issue, it pretty much works out ok, we cant just up and take off if thats what you mean, thats why we got a Harley, its the best darn theropy any couple can have, open roads, no kids, places to go and see, you just have to plan ahead, good luck, get -err- done!!
                        Just the facts ma`am, just the facts.

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                        • #13
                          Harley Therapy

                          Originally posted by Harleydude
                          we have plenty of time for each other and the kids, vacations are not always accomidating, with court, assignments and the kids who are ,(children of divorce), but thats another issue, it pretty much works out ok, we cant just up and take off if thats what you mean, thats why we got a Harley, its the best darn theropy any couple can have, open roads, no kids, places to go and see, you just have to plan ahead, good luck, get -err- done!!
                          I agree with Harleydude !!! A motorcycle is absolutely the BEST WAY to give couples the therapy they need....no kids, no stress and no worries. I apply "motorcycle therapy" in a different way though - I ride my motorcycle down along the ocean on PCH to have some time AWAY from my family !!! Having family time is a blessing -but ALONE time is essential to your sanity too !
                          [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=4][COLOR=Indigo]Oh listen tender lumplings let me take you by the hands...I

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                          • #14
                            marrying a cop

                            NO.1--- Family comes first! You can always get another job. After 29+ years doing this, in retrospect I wouldn't even date much less marry a cop. Oh the job is good but the politics, micro-managing and mind games that can go on just isn't worth it. That coupled with the fact the job is getting more difficult to do each year with tighter restrictions and more risk makes it Verry diificult to justify to your new spouse or fiance' why you want to do it. If you think you can handle it,though, go for it.....good luck

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                            • #15
                              I've been in LE for just short of 12 years, and married just short of 2. I think what helped in my case was already being in LE when we started dating, so she had the opportunity to see what my job was all about before we took the plunge. I was working late swings when we met (1700-0300) and then went to mids when we went to 12-hours shifts (1900-0700). Once I got into the motor unit, I switched, and now work 0700-1900. Of course overtime events arise, and, being part of a special events team, I often get assigned to details that most officers don't ... (ie details in Washington DC, Vancouver, WA, and midnight detail for 3 months (or was it only 2?) at the Golden Gate Bridge. I wouldn't change it for anything, especially since those details mean extra money. Of course, we don't have kids yet, but we'll see how things change. Of course, I have to admit she's not always thrilled about these special details, especially the most recent one, where we're very likely getting sent down to New Orleans, or somewhere on the Gulf Coast.

                              We were together for 4 1/2 years dating before we got married, so she's seen just about everything so far our department will send us through.

                              -- As a side note, I noticed someone had mentioned their friend's situation while he was at FLETC. When I went through 12 years ago, I had a girlfriend ... who took the opportunity to experiment with drugs and other guys while I was gone. Now, she was only a girlfriend, nnot a wife, but looking back, I'm glad she did it ... before I chose my duty station.
                              I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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