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LEO's in relationships with other LEO's

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  • LEO's in relationships with other LEO's

    Dating, engaged, married, divorced, kids, same agency, separate agency, local, state, federal etc etc etc....?

    For those of us LEO's who are in a relationship with another LEO post about your experience.

  • #2
    I had a midlife crisis when I was 42 with a 25 year old female cop at my barracks. I ran into all kinds of flack and it was damaging to my career. I never let it go anywhere I was married and would not risk losing my family but it did cross my mind. I recovered and distanced my self from the issue.

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    • #3
      I would advise against it if you work within the same station. Keep a few degrees of separation. If it goes bad it doesn't just affect you at home, it can have repercussions at work as well.

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      • #4
        I once attended a funeral for an LAPD motor officer who died in the line of duty. Unlike most LAPD funerals (which are usually massive) this one was very small. I spotted in the crowd an old time LAPD traffic Sergeant I had known for years and asked him why there was such a low turnout. He told me the deceased officer had numerous troubled marriages to various coworkers that had caused endless drama within the department and the low turnout was the department's way of demonstrating their disapproval.
        Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

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        • #5
          Because of the size of my agency (roughly 10K sworn at full strength and another 7-8K civilian staff) it is very common to see relationships within the Dept.

          The only restrictions are that you may never directly supervise your other half.

          2 cop marriages (in my experience) go one of two ways.....they either work very well, or they very quickly go down in flames....my ex-wife was LAPD....so that tells you which option we ended up with!
          The posts on this forum by this poster are of his personal opinion, and his personal opinion alone

          "Politicians are like diapers. They need to be changed often and for the same reason"

          "We fight not for glory; nor for wealth; nor honor, but only and alone we fight for freedom, which no good man surrenders but with his life"

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          • #6
            We have one now that I know of... she's a jail Corporal, he's a road deputy.

            Seems to be working for them.
            "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

            "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

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            • #7
              Not in a relationship with LEO, I don't poop where I eat. We don't have any relationships like this where I work. I've heard people have tried it before in the past and they were fired in the past (bringing relationship drama into work).

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              • #8
                I've dated two different officers from two different departments. The first lasted about three years. The other about two. They ended peacefully without shots being fired.

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                • #9
                  And it always does

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                  • #10
                    I tried dating a detentions deputy that I encountered at work... It was great at first, good times. But it just kinda fizzled. Took a ton of effort to keep it from our co-workers and we were too alike, if that's a thing. Nothing wrong with her at all, we are still good friends.

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                    • #11
                      With all the women out there WHY would you date a fellow LEO? Seriously............
                      We all know the issues that can develop doing this job & how it may affect you personally. Now you want to marry someone with similar potential problems & you think it'll work out?!?!?! Sure, sometimes it does, BUT RARELY, and the cost of such a bad decision simply isn't worth it, IMO.
                      Now throw in the potential or actual realization of having kids and you have a nightmare of problems---personally & professionally. To say nothing of what the kids could go through during your careers. Think this through.........

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                      • #12
                        An advantage to dating a cop/dispatcher/firefighter/paramedic is that they understand your working environment and understand you have to work nights & weekends & holidays and may get held over or called in on short notice.

                        Juggling incompatible schedules can be very exciting.

                        Cops often have tendencies to be controlling, which can be a problem. Or male cops perceive themselves as the rescuer, and may establish a pattern of getting involved with dysfunctional women who they then try to "fix".

                        (I had a streak of that myself many years ago. The wife of a good friend is a nurse, and she claims that nurses do the same thing)

                        It can be complicated and awkward if you get involved with someone you work with.

                        I have made this mistake three times. Twice in the '80s when I was young, and once not quite ten years ago, when I was old enough to know better.

                        The first time it just resulted in an uncomfortable working situation, but I actually only had to work directly with her about once or twice a week, so it could've been a lot worse. (The relationship ended when I found out she slept with some dude she met at intoxilyzer school). (After three years she went to another PD and subsequently left there, so the problem took care of itself)

                        The relationship ended in May and that same year in December I got to respond to a verbal domestic at her house between her and her new boyfriend. (That remains one of the highlights of my career, in a weird way)

                        The second time I was in an on again/off again relationship with a woman for about a year and a half. After it ended (by mutual decision) she went through a period of great vengefulness and tried to get me into trouble with management. (I worked nights and she was on the day shift, so I saw her most every morning at shift change but didn't work directly with her unless one of us was on overtime)(I still to this day don't know why she reacted as she did . . . )

                        We ultimately had to attend a mandatory counseling session with the lieutenant, which resulted in sort of an armed truce . . .

                        Fast forward nearly 30 years, and we're both on different but adjascent departments. I only run into her once in a while, and we're quite friendly on those occasions, but the whole thing was a situation I would rather have NOT participated in.

                        The third time was an ill advised infatuation with a dispatcher who was in the process of a divorce and 19 years younger. She was smart, she was cute, we had a LOT of common interests, and she was a damn good dispatcher on the nights that her prongs were in the outlet. She was also medium level bi-polar, having an affair with a married guy we worked with, and wouldn't know the truth if it fell out of an airplane and hit her on the head.

                        BAD craziness.

                        If a relationship with a co-worker goes sideways, it's hard to escape from. And nobody ever turns out to be who you think they are, and by the time you find out the truth, it's too late . . .

                        That being said, I STILL wouldn't rule out that possibility if the right situation came about, with the right person. I have no earthly belief that such a thing is going to occur, but I would still consider it under the right circumstances. (Of course, now I'm old and lots of the cops I work with are about half my age . . . )

                        What I've learned (several times) is that you need to have the same index of suspicion when dating that you do when you're dealing with somebody out on the street. And just because you've been acquainted with somebody for a time (sometimes years), that doesn't mean that you necessarily know who they REALLY are. Developing a premature good impression is a killer, because that may cause you to ignore or mis-interpret danger signs because you think you have them figured out already.
                        Last edited by Jeff22; 03-23-2016, 03:29 AM.

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                        • #13
                          Some of us are gluttons for punishment. My third is a charm, don't know what I would do without her.
                          Train for tomorrow, for you never know what it will bring to the fight.
                          In the school of Policing, there is no graduation day.

                          Arguing on the internet, is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
                          Do Not Disturb sign should read, Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution.
                          Even if the voices aren't real, They have some really good ideas.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by FireCop203 View Post
                            I've dated two different officers from two different departments. The first lasted about three years. The other about two. They ended peacefully without shots being fired.
                            Shots may not have been fired, but was anyone pepper sprayed? Ha

                            We've got cops in our department dating ones from other departments. The ones that have tried dating in department turned out horrible! Heck even the dispatcher/ officer relationships end up absolutely terrible.

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                            • #15
                              Cop on Cop action could be hot. You would get to take turns playing the Bad Cop.

                              It worked in Super Trooper

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