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  • #16
    Originally posted by Krystal View Post
    I was five hours away,and hadn't been in the same place for over a month. Not sure how that's enabling. I'm just looking to see if there's a way to salvage this relationship with my career in tact. If not, we'll I need to know that too. Just looking for advice. This only happened 7 days ago, I'm still in a whirlwind trying to figure everything out while being 5 hours away from family friends etc.
    I think you got the advice you asked for---------------------you are just not listening to what is being said.


    You are enabling him by defending him


    Bottom line is HE WAS DRUNK (or impaired)

    He (as you put it ) "drove it drunk."

    You still want to salvage the relationship --------------after he has spit on your chosen profession MULTIPLE times

    Sorry to be painfully blunt, but your course should be pretty clear
    Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

    My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

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    • #17
      Originally posted by CCCSD
      ... Monty-STFU.
      Why? I think I didn't say anything I shouldn't have said. I simply agreed with L-1 and Iowa #1603 and added a few possibly beneficial words of my own.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Krystal View Post
        It was both driver side tires flat. The story I heard was that he was dropped off at the gas station to pick up the car. Went inside to buy a soda, and the clerk called on him. Yes "we" as a police officers but "they" as the department I'm not employed by. And he said he intends to quit drinking. I'm sure sounds far fetched for most, but he didn't drink often to begin with. I appreciate all the feedback, I'm not trying to criticize or defend I'm just filling in the blanks so everyone understands the complete situation.
        Given that both driver side tires were flat, and that the passenger side tires were fine, he presumably didn't get the flat tires by running over a parking lot barrier -- possibly he had run over something with his front wheel on the driver side and not stopped before the rear wheel hit it, or perhaps he ticked someone off who then hissed his tires in retribution -- in any event he's apparently told you less than the complete story as known to him ...

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        • #19
          The "clerk called on him" because he was so hammered that it was plainly obviously factual that he shouldn't drive?

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          • #20
            If I understand the account correctly it was the cohabitant (room-mate) who did whatever got the tire flat -- it wasn't merely the car having been left for months -- in the latter case the tires would presumably have flattened more evenly ...

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            • #21
              Regarding ethanol consumption -- there's too much, too often, and too long -- pick any two and you might get away with it in terms of premature mortality -- do all three and you're destroyed -- and please NEVER try to drive if you think you might be above .04 BAC (half the legal limit).

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Krystal View Post
                I was five hours away,and hadn't been in the same place for over a month. Not sure how that's enabling. I'm just looking to see if there's a way to salvage this relationship with my career in tact. If not, we'll I need to know that too. Just looking for advice. This only happened 7 days ago, I'm still in a whirlwind trying to figure everything out while being 5 hours away from family friends etc.
                You are sounding like a fire fighter or a nurse. You will learn that the first time someone is stopped for drinking and driving they have actually driven drunk hundreds of times. Multiply that by 4 OWIs as you put it. How many times do you think he has driven drunk and not gotten caught. If you had been with him married for 5 to 10 years I might say something different. You are making excuses to stay with him. It is obvious that he cannot drink PERIOD! Are you willing to give up drinking so he can give up drinking?

                It is more than you giving up on your career, it is you giving up on yourself to be with him. Take care of yourself and your career 1st. He doesn't get it. Booze is more important for him than you. You have your answer from a bunch of people that have been there done that, seen that, lived that,.................. You do what you want to do, just stop kidding yourself and making excuses to us.
                Stupid has no color or race, everyone can participate.

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                • #23
                  I'm just looking for information if there's a way to make things work or if I need to cut ties right away.
                  Lets pretend you aren't on the job. Lets pretend you're a grocery clerk.

                  What he did is STILL wrong, still shows complete disrespect for you.

                  He should be protecting you and yours, should be taking responsibility and HELPING you through life... not making your life more difficult.

                  That is what relationships are for, it's what people who love and respect each other do. Love is a condition in which OTHER person's happiness is essential to your own. You can't be happy unless they are. HE shouldn't be happy unless YOU are.

                  He doesn't seem to have that level of concern for you. His actions are self-centered and selfish. You are not his top priority.

                  The fact that you're on the job and NOT a grocery clerk just makes it worse. He has no respect for you, your profession or the law.

                  Not sure how that's enabling.
                  The fact that you're defending him, still considering continuing the relationship.

                  He didn't get caught once or twice, he's been caught FIVE times.... which means he'd driven drunk dozens if not hundreds of times.

                  He's THE person you are SWORN to catch and put in jail. He is WHY we do what we do. Why are you DATING him?

                  I'm still in a whirlwind trying to figure everything out while being 5 hours away from family friends etc.
                  You need to learn to stand alone. A support system is nice but you are entrusted with doing the right thing, making the right call, displaying courage, honor and fidelity on your own with no help and often in the face of overwhelming pressure to do the opposite.

                  You need to realize that the day will come when you must choose the difficult right over the easy wrong, possibly when nobody but you will know which path you chose... or in the face of danger or death. Other's lives may hang in the balance, or perhaps only your own honor. Your friends and family won't be there to help, they may even encourage you to take the easy way out.

                  You must stand at a crossroads, sword in one hand and shield in the other, and choose for yourself the path of right over the path of wrong... then you will be able to choose the right friends to stand with you, to help and support you, and the right life partner to guard your blind side.

                  The fact that you're having this problem with this individual means you haven't yet chosen the correct path for yourself.
                  Last edited by tanksoldier; 12-24-2014, 03:20 PM.
                  "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

                  "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Krystal View Post
                    I just started my career in law enforcement. My boyfriend of a few years received quite a few owi's when he was younger. In the years we've been together drinking has never been an issue, he didn't drink much and when he did we always had a sober driver. I was offered my job and moved 5 hours away ...
                    Krystal, I have been a lawman since 1981 and I have seen lot of people come and go. If you do not put yourself first, you will be a ex-cop.

                    Your boyfriend needs A-A and you both need to get beyond the "denial" stage. JMHO, cut ties and move on. I might be old fashion but the boyfriend/girlfriend thing is so middle school. Really ..

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                    • #25
                      I'm truly sorry you're having this difficulty. Please listen to Iowa, L-1 and the other officers here.

                      Cut and run. Don't look back.` He will just drag you down..
                      Originally posted by JasperST
                      "The fail is strong with this one."


                      Originally posted by mdrep
                      It's not sporting old chap. Like shooting fish in a barrel. You may only take a shot at a poser or troll if they are running and you are properly licensed.

                      What do you think we are, a bunch of barbarians?

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                      • #26
                        I'm calling BS on this thread. If the OP is that naive, she has no business in LE. Her story doesn't add up.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by CCCSD View Post
                          I'm calling BS on this thread. If the OP is that naive, she has no business in LE. Her story doesn't add up.
                          Well anything is possible these days.

                          "If it's on the internet, then it MUST be true"
                          It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

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                          • #28
                            For most it’s easier to get another significant other then another law enforcement job.

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                            • #29
                              Krystal -

                              I have been sent from the future to warn you about how this is going to go. Here is what happened ( I mean, will happen):

                              You will ignore the advice here, and decide love conquers all
                              He is going to move in, hurdles will be jumped and everything will be copacetic.
                              You are going to get the call to an accident scene one night and there will be a family of 4 out for dinner whose lives were cut short by a drunk driver.

                              Now here is where it gets fuzzy, because we've done this twice now and you still haven't listened.

                              The first time, it was not your boyfriend that was the drunk driver - it was a random stranger, but ultimately the scene was so grotesque that you were not able to go home and look at him the same again. The love faded, and he dove deeper into the bottle.

                              The second time, you arrived at the scene to find it was your boyfriend that was the drunk driver. He went to prison, you lost your job and got a job at the local walmart as a cashier.



                              For the love of Pete, don't make us all do this a 3rd time!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Did you dump him yet?
                                Originally posted by RSGSRT
                                We've reached a point where natural selection doesn't have a chance in hell of keeping up with the procreation of imbeciles.
                                Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not acceptable for me to point it out?

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