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  • significant other facing big charges. .

    I just started my career in law enforcement. My boyfriend of a few years received quite a few owi's when he was younger. In the years we've been together drinking has never been an issue, he didn't drink much and when he did we always had a sober driver. I was offered my job and moved 5 hours away for him to then stay and finish out the lease on our house then he would move by me. Five weeks after I left, his roommate took my car I left there, and he wanted to get it back so he drove it drunk. He got his FOURTH owi. In my state that's a felony. I don't know what to do. I will not give up my career, but I am also having a hard time giving up on him. Do I just need to cut ties? Or is there a way to make this work? His family has been very supportive through all this and me not having a close family it's hard to walk away from them as well. Does anyone know of anyone in this situation?

  • #2
    Originally posted by Krystal View Post
    I will not give up my career
    Good for you.

    Here's the first problem you are going to run into. 18 U.S. Code § 922 (g)(1) prohibits any person who has been convicted in any court of, a crime punishable by imprisonment for a term exceeding one year from possessing a firearm or ammunition.

    As a cop you will have firearms and ammunition in the house, some of which will belong to the department. By virtue of the fact that he is living there, not only will he have constructive possession of these prohibited items, but you will essentially be furnishing them, to him.

    Next, your department no doubt has a policy prohibiting fraternization with convicted felons or persons with problematic criminal histories. You are not living with him now. Were to to voluntarily start cohabitating with him knowing about his criminal history, it could be interpreted as an willful and intentional violation of department policy and lead to your termination. If you get fired for intentionally associating with convicted felons after you've been hired, not only will no other law enforcement agency hire you, but private sector businesses won't want to employ you in any position of trust.

    Lastly, consider what his conduct says about how he regards you. You entrusted your car to him. In spite of that, not only does he let someone else take it, but he gives it to someone who doesn't return it. Instead of waiting until he is sober, he goes to pick your car up while he is intoxicated, knowing he already had three DUIs and crashes your car. This shows little regard for you or the things you worked hard to purchase. If he treats you this way now, consider how he will continue to treat you later on in life and be an embarrassment to you on the job.

    No doubt you think you can change him. Remember L-1's words of wisdom on this issue. The only thing you can change on a man is his diaper (if he is wearing one).

    If you want to stay a cop it's time to let this guy go.
    Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by L-1 View Post
      Good for you.

      Here's the first problem you are going to run into. 18 U.S. Code § 922 (g)(1) prohibits any person who has been convicted in any court of, a crime punishable by imprisonment for a term exceeding one year from possessing a firearm or ammunition.

      As a cop you will have firearms and ammunition in the house, some of which will belong to the department. By virtue of the fact that he is living there, not only will he have constructive possession of these prohibited items, but you will essentially be furnishing them, to him.

      Next, your department no doubt has a policy prohibiting fraternization with convicted felons or persons with problematic criminal histories. You are not living with him now. Were to to voluntarily start cohabitating with him knowing about his criminal history, it could be interpreted as an willful and intentional violation of department policy and lead to your termination. If you get fired for intentionally associating with convicted felons after you've been hired, not only will no other law enforcement agency hire you, but private sector businesses won't want to employ you in any position of trust.
      Read the above a couple times slowly and carfully----------------

      There are ways (legal ones) to handle each of the above problems

      However

      There really isn't any way around the following
      Originally posted by L-1 View Post
      Lastly, consider what his conduct says about how he regards you. You entrusted your car to him. In spite of that, not only does he let someone else take it, but he gives it to someone who doesn't return it. Instead of waiting until he is sober, he goes to pick your car up while he is intoxicated, knowing he already had three DUIs and crashes your car. This shows little regard for you or the things you worked hard to purchase. If he treats you this way now, consider how he will continue to treat you later on in life and be an embarrassment to you on the job.
      I agree 100%

      Originally posted by L-1 View Post
      No doubt you think you can change him. Remember L-1's words of wisdom on this issue. The only thing you can change on a man is his diaper (if he is wearing one).

      If you want to stay a cop it's time to let this guy go.
      Only you know what you are going to put up with
      Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

      My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

      Comment


      • #4
        Krystal,

        I'm very sorry about your quandary.

        I agree with the sage advice of L-1 and Iowa #1603 regarding this matter.

        As a Police Officer you cannot cohabit with such an egregiously irresponsible person.

        Sincerely,

        Monty

        Comment


        • #5
          A further note -- he and his lawyer should try to plead it down to a misdemeanor with the felony conviction suspended in exchange for a longer DL suspension and longer probation, more hours of community service, and successful completion of an alcohol abuse rehabilitation program with drops for the entirety of the probation period ...

          Comment


          • #6
            Move on is the best advice I can give you. Focus on you and your job right now.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yes I knew the firearms part, however I was unaware of the association part, I will definitely reread my policies and see what it says. It's a Wierd situation because I know what the obvious answer is, but in my presence he has never abused alcohol excessively, never seemed to have a problem (except his past history obviously) also he didn't crash my car it had two flat tires in a gas station parking lot (what from I don't know, he claims they were low - note I have not seen the car since it is 5 hours away) they got him with the keys in his hand. What he did is absolutely wrong I know this. Then you also have this thing called love, and joint bank accounts, bills, shared vehicles, and about 10,000 in furniture we just purchased this year, finally having a family that does things together etc. that messes with everything. I'm just looking for information if there's a way to make things work or if I need to cut ties right away.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Krystal
                ... I know what the obvious answer is, but in my presence he has never abused alcohol excessively, never seemed to have a problem (except his past history obviously) also he didn't crash my car it had two flat tires in a gas station parking lot (what from I don't know, he claims they were low - note I have not seen the car since it is 5 hours away) they got him with the keys in his hand. ...
                If you're a PO it's "we" got him ... not "they" got him -- just sayin' ... which 2 tires were flat? -- both front, both rear, or corners? If the Police stopped him keys in his hand on private property of public accommodation there must have been a reason. It seems to me that you haven't yet been told the whole story ... I suggest that you tell him to come clean with you and that you'll then see what you can do ...
                Last edited by Monty Ealerman; 12-20-2014, 04:40 AM.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Krystal View Post
                  Then you also have this thing called love, and joint bank accounts, bills, shared vehicles, and about 10,000 in furniture we just purchased this year, finally having a family that does things together etc. that messes with everything. I'm just looking for information if there's a way to make things work or if I need to cut ties right away.
                  Too bad he doesn't love you enough to respect you and/or your profession.
                  Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                  My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    What happens when he gets pulled OWI again and is dropping your name to your colleagues/in court? Cut and run.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It was both driver side tires flat. The story I heard was that he was dropped off at the gas station to pick up the car. Went inside to buy a soda, and the clerk called on him. Yes "we" as a police officers but "they" as the department I'm not employed by. And he said he intends to quit drinking. I'm sure sounds far fetched for most, but he didn't drink often to begin with. I appreciate all the feedback, I'm not trying to criticize or defend I'm just filling in the blanks so everyone understands the complete situation.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        He's not going to quit.

                        Monty-STFU.
                        Now go home and get your shine box!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Krystal View Post
                          I'm not trying to criticize or defend I'm just filling in the blanks so everyone understands the complete situation.
                          Actually you are defending him.......................also enabling him
                          Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                          My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I was five hours away,and hadn't been in the same place for over a month. Not sure how that's enabling. I'm just looking to see if there's a way to salvage this relationship with my career in tact. If not, we'll I need to know that too. Just looking for advice. This only happened 7 days ago, I'm still in a whirlwind trying to figure everything out while being 5 hours away from family friends etc.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Iowa #1603 View Post
                              Actually you are defending him.......................also enabling him
                              Agreed. To put it bluntly again move on like myself and literally every other Officer that has responded to your thread has stated. If you don't you will regret it as he'll eventually end up costing you your job.

                              Comment

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