Leader

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Dating a police sergeant

Collapse

300x250 Mobile

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Dating a police sergeant

    Hey, I am new here! I live in BC, Canada and I have just started seeing someone from WA, someone who is a police sergeant. I think there is definitely chemistry between us and he has been really sweet, considerate and nice. I like him. Some concerns: He works from 6:20am till 5 or 6 or even 8pm on his working days (some overtime, too) and he does not eat lunch. He works on most weekends too! He does not talk very much (almost made me think that he was not interested in me). And he talked about one of his friends got shot at work couple of years ago (that scared me! He wouldn't say but I was curious and asked several times about "what was the most dangerous situation possible at work")
    I then started to read some of the threads here...... got even more intimidated.
    Maybe I need to rethink over the possibility of me hanging out with him before we get closer? Maybe me and him we need to talk about some of my concerns? As he is 10 years older than I am, I do not think I can or want to fix him/his lifestyle. I just am not sure whether I could handle some of these differences between us.
    This is such a dilemma. I thought we have come across so many barriers to be together (I am Chinese and he is Hispanic; Canada-US; age gap, etc.), but definitely there is more that I didnt know. But god, he is so very charming, good-looking, caring, mature and attractive. He adores me very much I think.
    Dare not tell any friend or my parents abt this. Hope some of you here could help me sort out a clue. I know this sounds silly.

  • #2
    Sounds like a "typical cop." If you want to "fix" someone then I think it's time to rethink the relationship regardless of the specifics. By all means you and he need to talk this through. Being a police officer's wife is not an easy thing to be.
    Officer Jay McGuire, Minneapolis Park Police EOW 5/14/2009 age 11
    Among Texas' finest
    Deputy Andy Taylor, Llano County SO EOW 5/9/2005
    Senior Deputy Jessica Laura Hollis, Travis County SO EOW 9/18/2014
    Darren H. Goforth, Harris County SO EOW 8/28/2015

    Comment


    • #3
      I believe the rule is "Men marry women thinking they won't change, and they do; women marry men thinking they will change, and they don't."

      Not saying you're in a bad situation, but you should ask yourself whether that work schedule and lack of communication is something you can live with every day, once you learn all the "... but" parts to the "very charming, good-looking, caring, mature and attractive."
      Originally posted by Michigan
      Now that you mention it, who are you?

      Comment


      • #4
        My wife was a Soldier's wife, now she's a cop's wife.

        Being the wife is harder in some ways than being the Soldier or the cop.

        You may hear the occasional funny story but for the most part he won't want to re-live much of his day when he comes home. Some of it he CAN'T tell you for various reasons. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for you or is shutting you out... he's shutting the job out, not letting it contaminate his private life. You've seen the hours he works. The little amount of free time he gets he'll likely want to spend on other things, like you, not thinking about work.

        I'm extremely quiet off duty. I assert myself all day. I make decisions all day. When I'm out with the wife she does most of the talking and decision making. I'm watching and evaluating, something I can't stop, but she talks to waiters and sales people and decides where we eat. She talks to the neighbors and plans social events. I'm just done dealing with people at that point.

        If you're genuinely attracted to the person, give it a shot... but success will require maturity, independence, understanding and occasionally a thick skin.
        Last edited by tanksoldier; 11-15-2014, 11:45 PM.
        "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

        "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi, MJ - police wife here Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like...I'll answer honestly!

          What you're saying doesn't sound silly. The whole police/law enforcement world is pretty foreign to most, and can be rather daunting - especially at first. There's no manual telling us what the acronyms mean, what's typical and what isn't, what policy is, etc.

          As far as safety, it can be a dangerous job; the guns and bulletproof vests aren't just for looks. One of my friends is a police widow, raising two little boys on her own now. And a few years ago, one of my husband's squadmates from his old department died when he was shot in the face point-blank...by someone he'd stopped for jaywalking. Is it likely? No. Is it possible? Yes.

          If what you want out of life is someone who goes to and comes home from work at the same time every day, is there for every birthday/holiday/party/etc., is out of harm's way, never has to suddenly leave at odd times, always answers his phone, and so on and so forth, then being with a police officer is not a good fit for you. For example, mine's a detective; in the past week, he got called in to work during the night to go interview a suspect...then told to go to training this week, upending schedules...and days and shift moved around for this coming weekend for a mandatory city-wide initiative...etc.

          But if the above things are negotiable, and if you can be flexible regarding lifestyle, then it might help to just focus on getting to know him as a person right now. Relax and take the rest as it comes, asking him questions about the job here and there as they arise.

          Wishing you the best!

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks a lot for your feedback. Appreciated very much!
            Last edited by mj; 11-17-2014, 03:11 AM.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by chapwolfe View Post
              Sounds like a "typical cop." If you want to "fix" someone then I think it's time to rethink the relationship regardless of the specifics. By all means you and he need to talk this through. Being a police officer's wife is not an easy thing to be.
              Totally agree with you! Need to talk. He actually calls every morning (almost as punctual as my alarm clock) but talks about jokes and trivial stuff. Don't know how to initiate a serious conversation in between his funny topics.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by tanksoldier View Post
                If you're genuinely attracted to the person, give it a shot... but success will require maturity, independence, understanding and occasionally a thick skin.
                Envious. Sounds like you are married to a very nice wife and the relationship is based on complemental caring and support.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Reiland View Post
                  Hi, MJ - police wife here Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like...I'll answer honestly!

                  What you're saying doesn't sound silly. The whole police/law enforcement world is pretty foreign to most, and can be rather daunting - especially at first. There's no manual telling us what the acronyms mean, what's typical and what isn't, what policy is, etc.

                  As far as safety, it can be a dangerous job; the guns and bulletproof vests aren't just for looks. One of my friends is a police widow, raising two little boys on her own now. And a few years ago, one of my husband's squadmates from his old department died when he was shot in the face point-blank...by someone he'd stopped for jaywalking. Is it likely? No. Is it possible? Yes.

                  If what you want out of life is someone who goes to and comes home from work at the same time every day, is there for every birthday/holiday/party/etc., is out of harm's way, never has to suddenly leave at odd times, always answers his phone, and so on and so forth, then being with a police officer is not a good fit for you. For example, mine's a detective; in the past week, he got called in to work during the night to go interview a suspect...then told to go to training this week, upending schedules...and days and shift moved around for this coming weekend for a mandatory city-wide initiative...etc.

                  But if the above things are negotiable, and if you can be flexible regarding lifestyle, then it might help to just focus on getting to know him as a person right now. Relax and take the rest as it comes, asking him questions about the job here and there as they arise.

                  Wishing you the best!
                  Good suggestion! Getting to know him as a person! I guess there is part of him that would want to hold some of the features of his job from being learnt/known by me at this stage. I just had this feeling. He does not want me to know more. First time he emailed me to introduce himself-he told me that he "supervise" a shift of police officers (did not say "I am a police officer/sergeant" or anything like that). Also when it comes to his working schedule, he said "I currently work a 1040 shift means that I work 5 days and have 4 day weekends". Sly!
                  As I am taking it slow and observing him, I am not blaming him for not giving me much details of his work. I see this as a protection that he wanted to put on me. I think I am independent enough to spend time alone. Just worry about the health issues that might come along with the long hours/his lifestyle. This arrangement is totally unhealthy. Does your husband eat decent breakfast and lunch? How do most cops handle their meals when they are at work. I think this issue is even bigger than long shift/overtime itself.
                  Have you heard of badge bunny (just learnt this yesterday-so scaring! I sent him the link-he said he didnt have time yet to look at it! and cop bars!) Gosh! I wish I knew all these before I fell for him!

                  Thanks a lot! You are truly very nice!
                  Last edited by mj; 11-17-2014, 03:41 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    To echo what others have said, it is not an easy life. And IF you get the benefit of getting used to his schedule, BAM! Something changes!

                    My fiancee' was with me before I was a cop, and during my first couple years it was rough on her with schedules, missing holidays, etc. After 8 years, I was assigned as a School Resource Officer. I did that for about 2 years and she LOVED it! I was working M-F, 8-4, with weekends and holidays off! Then out of the blue..BAM! I get reassigned as a Detective and with the assignment I will be doing, it will be a lot of odd hours.

                    You will get used to the whole thing if you guys were meant to be.
                    The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed.

                    I Am the Sheepdog.


                    "And maybe just remind the few, if ill of us they speak,
                    that we are all that stands between
                    the monsters and the weak." - Michael Marks


                    sigpic

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tanksoldier View Post
                      My wife was a Soldier's wife, now she's a cop's wife.

                      Being the wife is harder in some ways than being the Soldier or the cop.

                      You may hear the occasional funny story but for the most part he won't want to re-live much of his day when he comes home. Some of it he CAN'T tell you for various reasons. It doesn't mean he doesn't care for you or is shutting you out... he's shutting the job out, not letting it contaminate his private life. You've seen the hours he works. The little amount of free time he gets he'll likely want to spend on other things, like you, not thinking about work.

                      I'm extremely quiet off duty. I assert myself all day. I make decisions all day. When I'm out with the wife she does most of the talking and decision making. I'm watching and evaluating, something I can't stop, but she talks to waiters and sales people and decides where we eat. She talks to the neighbors and plans social events. I'm just done dealing with people at that point.

                      If you're genuinely attracted to the person, give it a shot... but success will require maturity, independence, understanding and occasionally a thick skin.
                      Get out of my head! Excellent post bro
                      MDRDEP:

                      There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Get out of my head!
                        Wouldn't hurt to tidy up a bit in here. Just sayin'.
                        "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

                        "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I think you'll find that most cops don't "eat healthy." I have something of an advantage in that I go home for lunch everyday. I have to be in the patrol vehicle at 6am. I almost always have 3 eggo waffles for breakfast. For lunch, generally something I can microwave in under 5 minutes which means it comes out of a can or out of the freezer. During the summer I'll have cold sandwiches. I get an hour for lunch, so I set a timer and when I finish lunch, I sleep for what time is left. My wife and I get home at 6 pm, so supper can be anything from a crockpot roast to take out chicken strips to chinese to "artificial mexican" -- anything quick and easy. Then to bed by 9 -- and Tums by midnight.
                          Officer Jay McGuire, Minneapolis Park Police EOW 5/14/2009 age 11
                          Among Texas' finest
                          Deputy Andy Taylor, Llano County SO EOW 5/9/2005
                          Senior Deputy Jessica Laura Hollis, Travis County SO EOW 9/18/2014
                          Darren H. Goforth, Harris County SO EOW 8/28/2015

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I pretty much survive on trail mix, diet mountain dew and beef jerky that I can slam between having inmates on board during the week. Dinner is usually decent.

                            It's VERY difficult for me to work out. Long hours and exhaustion during the week, combined with trying to squeeze in all the stuff I have to do on my days off, means my home gym gets used much less than it should.
                            "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

                            "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Wow!
                              I work as a health scientist and I used to be an epidemiologist. I would definitely fix that...
                              I text him discussing his breakfast options the day bf yesterday, yesterday and today. I think it's harder than I thought.

                              Comment

                              MR300x250 Tablet

                              Collapse

                              What's Going On

                              Collapse

                              There are currently 3393 users online. 197 members and 3196 guests.

                              Most users ever online was 26,947 at 08:36 PM on 12-29-2019.

                              Welcome Ad

                              Collapse
                              Working...
                              X