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First year as a cop

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  • tanksoldier
    replied
    Rookies and probies work a lot, but not THAT much. Not too much to text.

    The job does change you. I literally deal with criminals all day. It's changed me. How I see people, how I act, what I'm willing to put up with and what I won't. My wife has told me more than once: "Don't treat me like an inmate"... and that's what I was doing. It's been tough for her, but lucky for me she's stuck it out. I know, without question, I can't survive without her.

    Your man apparently doesn't see it that way. I'm sure you're a wonderful person but HE doesn't think you're the right one anymore. Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's right but like you said: You can't be there for him if he doesn't want you there.

    I wish you luck and happiness.

    Leave a comment:


  • jchughes05
    replied
    Find someone who deserves you and that you deserve! There is someone out there!!!

    Leave a comment:


  • BadWolf
    replied
    I appreciate all of the honesty.. I don't know what to think. Everytime I think I have it figured out I start getting doubts. Maybe I just need to open my eyes. All of your input has helped me so much though so I really appreciate it.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kris396
    replied
    You can't change somebody's mind. He obviously KNOWS you were/are there for him, he knows YOU want to be committed to the relationship. There is nothing more YOU can do there to show or prove to him that keeping the relationship is right. At this point, you may want to consider accepting the fact that HE is making this decision, whatever his reasoning may be. He may be telling the truth about why, he may not be, but either way he is making a choice to distance himself from you because he WANTS to. I think it's easy to think sometimes, when you're involved with somebody, that they want space almost to protect you from themselves in a stressful time and help preserve the relationship In reality, I think he would know that nothing could potentially hurt the relationship more than for him to partially abandon it in suggesting to see others. A properly functioning relationship can be a source of stress, but overall it should be helping him to cope with a hard time and not hurting. You guys could get back together, be happy and what happens when another hard time comes? If this is his way of coping with it, that's on him and not you.

    I think you need to accept that he is making his decision, and you need to make yours regarding what you want to do next...but taking into consideration that his choice is HIS CHOICE- not the fault of a job or any fault of yours.
    Last edited by Kris396; 11-09-2014, 08:46 PM.

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  • jcioccke
    replied
    My Brothers summed it up. I will say this, You deserve better. If someone loves you and wants to be with you, they will. Reading your post actully reminds me when I was yound and that insensitive holding on to my cake and eating it too. You deserve better.. When you stop he will try coming back, Don't let him.

    Leave a comment:


  • sheepdog31
    replied
    Originally posted by tj05 View Post
    To put it bluntly MOVE ON. If he cared he'd put more effort in that's the bottom line.
    This! ^ No matter what the circumstances are, he should make time to see that you're happy and taken of after that much time in a relationship. If he truly was concerned about your feelings he would call you or text you at his first chance, at the least, just to say hi and let you know he is alive. Sounds like you already know the answer to your issue, you just have to decide if you want to put in more effort trying to get im to be honest. Good luck to you. Sounds like you really care and I'm sure he's a fool for letting you go.

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  • tj05
    replied
    To put it bluntly MOVE ON. If he cared he'd put more effort in that's the bottom line.

    Leave a comment:


  • jdthor
    replied
    Really does sound more and more to me like hes already moved on .You havent seen him in 2 months,no calls and almost no texts.
    Been months before where i would get 2 -3 days off total.I still had time for a phone call.

    Ray Charles can see where this has went.If he hasnt met someone else id be really really shocked.
    Last edited by jdthor; 11-06-2014, 08:59 PM.

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  • Name Taken
    replied
    Don't worry, it's not the job it's you.

    Odds are all that "OT and can't get days off" are being spent....well you can guess.

    Might be wrong...but just read what you posted objectively and decide for yourself. Why cut it off with you when it might not work out with the new fling.

    Leave a comment:


  • Amigo1342
    replied
    BadWolf, it seems like you have received many responses which may or may not help you along with your decision.

    I can say from experience that the job does change you as a person. Unfortunately that means it can change relationships that once seemed so strong and sacred. I can tell you as someone who has been there, it sounds like he is just stringing you along. I obviously don't know either of you and I can only read what you have typed on this board. Working in a high crime area, especially being new, can shell shock you. He is probably experiencing many new things, good and bad. Each person will cope differently.

    Again I do not know him, but this job can turn the most caring people cold inside. I have seen it happen many of times. I sincerely hope that is not what is happening, but you will receive nothing but the harsh truth from this forum. At least now you have some insight from many people who have been in your shoes. Once you do finally talk, only you will be able to determine if he is telling you lies or not. What ever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck.
    Last edited by Amigo1342; 11-06-2014, 11:02 PM.

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  • Iowa #1603
    replied
    Originally posted by BadWolf View Post
    . He is the most honest person you will ever meet to the point that it gets him in trouble sometimes. t.
    You are not reading between the lines.........................

    Leave a comment:


  • lpstopper
    replied
    Originally posted by BadWolf View Post
    Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is the right spot to post this or not. I am looking for some perspective from LEO's who were in relationships for the beginning of their career as a police officer.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years in February. He has now been a police officer for almost a year and a half and is almost off probation. For pretty much our entire relationship, we have been long distance (I am away at college to become an RN). We have been incredibly serious from the very beginning and when I graduate in May we are supposed to move in together.

    However, things have recently changed. To put it bluntly, his department sucks. He works mandatory overtime everytime he goes in to work and rarely gets all his days off that he is supposed to get. There is not a lot of trust within his department either but that is a whole different story. He told me in the beginning of October that he wants to take a break because he cant handle the stress of the job and also maintain a relationship, that its taking all of his time and energy just to get through this probationary period. He recently changed his mind and decided instead of being exclusive on this break, we should see other people. He still tells me he wants to be with me but we havent spoken on the phone in over a month now and we barely text anymore.

    How can I be there for him during this time? Should I really just back off and give him the time he needs to focus on his career? Should I try harder to get him to open up to me? I don't know if this time is this hard for every person or we just have a ridiculous circumstance. I don't want to give up on our relationship but I don't know how to be there for him if he doesn't want me to be.
    Sounds like he doesnt want to be with you anymore, and your not taking the obvious hint. And he has a new girl where he works.

    Leave a comment:


  • BadWolf
    replied
    Thank you everyone so much for taking the time to answer me. I really appreciate all of your responses. I don't know anyone who is in law enforcement or dating someone who is a cop so I have no idea what is normal and what isnt. I know that missed birthdays, holidays, etc are very common because of overtime and all that and I was/am prepared for it but he just made it seem like his work schedule was so much worse than the normal crazy. He is the most honest person you will ever meet to the point that it gets him in trouble sometimes. He's always had a ton of girl friends along with guy friends so female attention really isnt that new to him. We haven't seen each other in almost 2 months and I won't be home again to see him for another three weeks. I have a lot to think about.

    Leave a comment:


  • just joe
    replied
    Originally posted by jchughes05 View Post
    I was guilty of this once... it sucks...
    OP, take what you read here and utilize it. Coming from someone who's been there, it sounds like lie after lie. He either found someone else, or is actively seeking someone else.

    Sorry to put it bluntly.
    You and me both, brother.

    Leave a comment:


  • jchughes05
    replied
    Originally posted by just joe View Post
    Many people find it easier to hold onto a bad relationship than to let it go.
    I was guilty of this once... it sucks...
    OP, take what you read here and utilize it. Coming from someone who's been there, it sounds like lie after lie. He either found someone else, or is actively seeking someone else.

    Sorry to put it bluntly.

    Leave a comment:

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