Reenlisting Decision Advice

[Wackodrumr]

I have a question for those that went back in the service or thought about getting back in.

So, I currently have 4 years on as a LEO. I'm not looking to retire for another 21 or 22 years. With my previous military time I will retire from the military before I retire as a LEO. My main reason for wanting to get back in is a little extra in my pocket, free tuition to finish college, retirement, & health ins, plus I can roll over what's left of my GI bill to my kids for when they go to college. My current employer's retirement plan is a little uncertain at times and the health plan sucks and isn't getting any better.

I've been talking with a National Guard recruiter and have everything lined up. The only thing keeping me from raising my right hand is my wife. We've tried talking it over, I've prayed about it, and she's got her heels dug in. Won't budge.

So... My question is this:

Have any of you that are married ever tried getting back in the service? What has been the outcome?

[Iowa #1603]

, and she's got her heels dug in. Won't budge.

I think that is your answer right there.

[just joe]

I guess the real question is do you want a divorce or not?

[Wackodrumr]

I guess the real question is do you want a divorce or not?

Definitely no.

She's thrown the divorce card out there if I do. But it's always a "I might divorce you if you do" type thing. I guess I want my cake and eat it too from the way it sounds; but I will not just go and sign up behind her back.

I was just hoping for a little insight from those that have tried doing the same.

[Iowa #1603]

I was just hoping for a little insight from those that have tried doing the same.

What I HAVE done is argue with the wife when she absolutly DID NOT want to do something and repeatedly told me such.

But it's always a "I might divorce you if you do" type thing.

Yes, you can often win the battle ------------------and loose the war.

Your move

[Gradient Shift]

No one here is going to be able to give you advice on what she is going to end up doing, no one here knows her better than you, nor what is best for you/her.

However, you should really be ashamed of even thinking about going behind her back and re-enlisting without the consent/approval of your life partner; it is a classic ****** bag move. She already accepted the fact that you are an LEO and life style of a LEO wife but you want to force military on top of that? Stop being selfish.

Read the below quotes several times and let them sink in. You are playing with fire.

I guess the real question is do you want a divorce or not?

Yes, you can often win the battle ------------------and loose the war.

Your move

[Langford PR]

I hate to psychoanalyze another cop with so little to go on but I think you have your answer from the posts above. I'll add this....

1) You didn't mention trying other departments.
2) You didn't mention anything about moving.
3) The bennies you mentioned from the military are quite frankly negligible.
4) Half of your post deals with the wife and your 'thoughts' are about doing something that is blatantly against her explicitly expressed wishes that will effect her, you, your family, and your entire career and financial status......

.....is it LE you want out of....or....

Lastly, if this is some mid-life crisis and blah blah blah ED, bored, my boss sucks, I want better in life but always got screwed, my sgt smells, the hot sidpatcher didn't wink back,....etc etc

Umm, cannot help with that but I CAN state.....the grass IS NOT greener over there and the shiite you smell here smells the same over there. Good luck.

[slamdunc]

It took me four failed marriages and fifty years to learn that my baby sister was right when she said 'Happy Wife, Happy Life!'.

[Wackodrumr]

So I had a long post in response to Gradient Shift. But since it was entirely directed towards him, I'll just respond via PM. Check your inbox.

I'll edit my original post so I'm not misunderstood. I'm not going to just sign up without her approval. It's a joint decision. I've told her that.

[Iowa #1603]

So I had a long post in response to Gradient Shift. But since it was entirely directed towards him, I'll just respond via PM. Check your inbox.

I'll edit my original post so I'm not misunderstood. I'm not going to just sign up without her approval. It's a joint decision. I've told her that.

You aren't being misunderstood


Your wife DOESN'T want you back in the service and YOU are here asking for advice about going back into the military.

[BNWS]

Definitely no.

She's thrown the divorce card out there if I do. But it's always a "I might divorce you if you do" type thing. I guess I want my cake and eat it too from the way it sounds; but I will not just go and sign up behind her back.

I was just hoping for a little insight from those that have tried doing the same.

This is your wife's warning shot. She'used the word 'Might" to soften her statement but make no mistake it is a very real warning. If your not happy now do not call her bluff because she ain't bluffing. If you're not happy with your job look for another one that wont cost you your family.

[Gradient Shift]

Look, you came here looking for advice to convince your wife to accept the fact that you want to stack being an LEO and in the military on her. Typically, in the past when my significant others have "dug their heels in", reluctantly accepting something major I am doing, and was not 100% supportive of one my major life changing events it eventually ended badly, complete with hurt feelings, resent, and/or "pieces of paper." When I have done that I was a selfish ****** bag, and was ashamed for disregarding their feelings.

It is my subjective opinion that you will be a ****** bag and acting selfish, just as I have in my past, if you enlist again without 100% of her enthusiastic support from the beginning and should forget about enlisting until she changes her mind of her own accord.

I am just calling it like I see it, take it or leave it.

[Wackodrumr]

Thanks for the replies. I was looking for real life experiences from a mixed group and I got just that.

I've thought some things through and the advice you all have given is really helpful.

[tanksoldier]

A military career, even a part-time one, is a team effort. If she isn't on board it isn't going to work.

[POTSY]

Hi Wackodrumr~~ I'm a dinosaur compared to you. BUT I did stay in the Reserve /National Guard program while in the NYPD. It's been a while and conditions have certainly changed in the world. I started out in the US ARMY RESERVES in 1965. In 6/1966 I joined NYPD. I did 9 yrs and left the Reserves. 3 yrs later, I joined the NY Air National Guard and continued in that for the next 15 years. FOR THE SAME REASONS AS YOU.....I was in their Crash Rescue Unit as an E-6. I retired after 20 yrs from NYPD. For me it was the best move I ever made. Not only do you become entitled to Tricare, you also get that check when you hit 60. ( I don't know if the age has changed since I got it) You'll also have the benefit of the Tricare Pharmacy plan. You'll also be entitled to Space A travel if you so desire. I enjoyed the ANG, BUT it wasn't during a time of conflict through out the world either. The National Guard is being totally being used to argument the Regular Service today. To enter back into military service , when you have a family is something you'd have to carefully look at. Of course, she's dug in at the thought of you going ACTIVE and coming home in a steel box. The reason I left the Guard, (I had 23 yrs by then) was because the 1st Iraq war was setting up and my kids were VERY upset that I might be activated and go to war and get killed. How do you stand in front of 4 daughters & a wife and watch them crying their eyes out and telling me not to go.!! W(We got unofficial word that our Unit was being considered for call-up) I had to stop & think and came to the conclusion that family was much more important to me. I survived 20 yrs in the PD and 23 yrs in the service of my country. So did my family survive. It was time for someone else to answer the call. We talked about it and I listened to their concerns.I retired the next day. I don't regret the action I took.
If you want to have a good relationship with the bride, I think I'd listen to her concerns and rethink re-uping. Lastly , think of the kids and what their feelings are. That's just my thoughts about it. If you love her, don't go.