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is there an advantage to letting a 15 and 12 year old visit someone in jail

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  • is there an advantage to letting a 15 and 12 year old visit someone in jail

    my wife will be going to county jail for six months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes.


    I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it.


    I have two kids. Daughters age 15 and 12. They seem to be handling it fine. I told them right away about it and they reacted pretty calmly. Both later joked about how "now their mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.



    I am wondering if they should visit. Would it be wise to expose two kids to a jail environment? It could be scary or traumatizing. My wife says bring if they want to and not if they don't want to, but even if they want to it might not be right. Seeing the environment and guards and other inmates probably might be scary.


    Never thought of the day any of us would be in legal trouble or involved with the police. We don't do drugs of any kind she doesn't even smoke!

    I hope to handle this situation well.

  • #2
    Originally posted by 19245 View Post
    my wife will be going to county jail for six months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes.


    I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it.


    I have two kids. Daughters age 15 and 12. They seem to be handling it fine. I told them right away about it and they reacted pretty calmly. Both later joked about how "now their mother is the one being ordered around". I have no problem with that really as it is probably better to joke a bit instead of being hysterical.



    I am wondering if they should visit. Would it be wise to expose two kids to a jail environment? It could be scary or traumatizing. My wife says bring if they want to and not if they don't want to, but even if they want to it might not be right. Seeing the environment and guards and other inmates probably might be scary.


    Never thought of the day any of us would be in legal trouble or involved with the police. We don't do drugs of any kind she doesn't even smoke!

    I hope to handle this situation well.
    This very question was posed a while back and the general consensus is that the visit should not be used to scare the kids, but to help maintain the family bond.

    Be straightforward and direct with the kids. I would suggest confirming with the facility about when you can bring kids in and what the procedures are. Perhaps a first run by yourself so you can explain the procedure to the kids.

    Take a few minutes to search through the board- there is a thread that is nearly identical to your situation.
    Originally posted by SSD
    It has long been the tradition on this forum and as well as professionally not to second guess or Monday morning QB the officer's who were actually on-scene and had to make the decision. That being said, I don't think that your discussion will go very far on this board.
    Originally posted by Iowa #1603
    And now you are arguing about not arguing..................

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    • #3
      Do a recon run first by yourself to get the lay or the land and figure out how it works.

      Our jail's visitation room only lets you communicate by phone, and view thru a window. You can't see any of the jail from there except whatever other inmates might have a visitor at that moment.
      "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." -- GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

      "With a brother on my left and a sister on my right, we face…. We face what no one should face. We face, so no one else would face. We are in the face of Death." -- Holli Peet

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      • #4
        Six months without seeing or talking to mom would "leave a mark" on your children.

        Like tanksoldier stated , MOST JAILS have segregated visitation where the visits are between glass and use a phone or other electronic measures to physically separate the prisoners from the visitors. This is for security sake, but also allows the visitors to be totally separate from the internal workings of the jail.

        Correctional philosophy leans toward continuing the bond between family members to the best extent possible during incarceration.
        Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

        My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

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        • #5
          The kids aren't going to be paraded through the jail or have contact with inmates. As suggested, do the first run yourself to see how it goes; then you can explain it to the kids.

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          • #6
            19245,
            As a "veteran" of both County Jails and State Correctional Facilities, it is important for the children to visit their mom on two levels. 1 - to maintain some semblance of a "normal" family structure even in an adverse situation, and 2 - as you point out, using it as a tool to teach the children about taking responsibility for mistakes...even bad ones that land you in jail. A 12 and 15 year old know plenty more than you give them credit for, and I seriously doubt they would be "traumatized" by visiting their mom. I suspect they would suffer more damage from their peers finding out their mom was incarcerated. You have an opportunity to make some good out of a difficult and negative situation. Let things happen and don't over react. Circumstances have a way of working out in spite of your fears. PM me if I can be of any help, and Good Luck!
            Ski

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            • #7
              Call ahead of time and find out what the clothing policy is,what you are allowed to bring with you also. Ive ran visitation and its crazy some of the things people try it wear and bring to a jail visit.

              Women seem to like to dress at times in the least amount of clothes they own to show their man what they are missing,only they show everyone else and get fights started sometimes during the visit,after the visit or even outside in the public area.

              Most places have a set dress code. I used to tell women if you wouldnt wear it to sunday school dont wear it here

              Also most dont allow cell phones or anything other than your car keys to even go into the visit but check first.Dont be the people who always think it doesnt mean them.

              Comment

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