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  • cop dating cop

    Alright...I need help with this one. I'm currently dating a guy who is a police officer and when we first started dating I was studying criminal justice but not really thinking about being a cop. I recently decided that police work is what I wnat to do and because of that my BF doesn't want to be with me b/c he doesnt want to date another cop. Does anyone see a problem with a cop dating another cop even if they work for two different depts? Help, I need reasons to tell him its okay...or vice versa I guess (hopefully not though)

  • #2
    Re: cop dating cop

    Originally posted by AKwannabe
    Alright...I need help with this one. I'm currently dating a guy who is a police officer and when we first started dating I was studying criminal justice but not really thinking about being a cop. I recently decided that police work is what I wnat to do and because of that my BF doesn't want to be with me b/c he doesnt want to date another cop. Does anyone see a problem with a cop dating another cop even if they work for two different depts? Help, I need reasons to tell him its okay...or vice versa I guess (hopefully not though)
    It matters not what we think. If he does not want to be in a two cop relationship you are not going ro change that.

    You asked "Does anyone see a problem with a cop dating another cop even if they work for two different depts". I know someone who does, your boyfriend.

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    • #3
      I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRON WITH IT

      IF YOU TWO REALLY CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER- IT SHOULDN'T MATTER
      WHAT JOB YOU ARE DOING, AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY; IF HE IS A COP AND YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT I'M SURE HE CAN TOO.
      "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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      • #4
        Maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this person.

        As for cop dating cop, I don't see a problem with it.
        We currently have two officers from my dept. dating one another. The only person that has a problem with it is the male officer's wife.
        All Units Code Zero on one, Code Zero on one...all non-emergency traffic go to TAC-2

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        • #5
          yup

          Yeah, I can see how that could be a problem...

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          • #6
            His LOSS not Yours! I'm HAPPILY Married to a an Officer! We met on the job! Even though he has nearly half the time I do it doesn't make a bit of difference!

            The ONLY recommendation I'll make is that in the future if you continue dating the same man or another Officer NEVER WORK TOGETHER!!!!
            Statistics have shown and I've witnessed it first hand many times two Officers (Living together or Dating) working the same Post or Riding in the SAME PATROL CAR carrying on and arguing from the night before!!!!

            It doesn't take an Einstein to realize that BOTH are NOT paying attention to the job and BOTH or ONE can be SERIOUSLY Injured due to this indescretion!!!

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            • #7
              Invisible is right, my wife and I are both officers with different departments and I'd recommend that. And of course I don't see a problem with officers dating.

              I think Keesha is a bit naive, if your boyfriend has issues with you wanting to be a cop, he's not going to just "get over it." And on the other hand, why should you not pursue your goals to suit him? Sure, it could work out, but then again I've seen enough marriages/dating relationships collapse because one partner or the other is jealous or always suspects some sort of cheating, even if it isn't going on.
              "A man's got to know his limitations" --Inspector Harry Callahan in Magnum Force

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              • #8
                If your boyfriend doesn't want to be with you because you've decided to be a cop, clearly he never thought that much of you to begin with. Ditch him and move on. Otherwise, down the road if you decide to highlight your hair, change the color of your nailpolish, or move the furniture around, he might not be able to deal with that either. Don't give up your dreams for a man, or for anyone. Pursue the life you want and be with someone who loves you for you, not your chosen profession.

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                • #9
                  a bit Naive...totally disagree

                  I simply stated if two people care about one another then there should be no conflicts in the issue; if so re-evaluate the relationship. maybe its not as solid as projected. so the only naive response is of yours not mine.


                  keesha
                  "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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                  • #10
                    It's a matter of respect and understanding. I have been happily dating an officer for the past four years. He's part of a few specialty teams and a supervisor at that. I am a 4 year officer. We knew and started to date before I came to this department. I tell you it's all about trust, honesty, and understanding. IT CAN WORK! Divorce rates are high at all kinds of jobs, as a matter of fact I am a divorcee of a military person so see it has nothing to do with the job, just the person, if you doubt him/ her now then forget it it won't work.
                    pdgirl2265

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                    • #11
                      AK :

                      It is NOT uncommon to have a relationship running smoothly until one or both partners experiences a Major Life Change. This can include;

                      1) Moving to another City or State

                      2) Losing a Job

                      3) Recieving a Promotion at work

                      4) Change in Job title which may mean additional work and longer hours

                      5) Graduation from College or Recieving Post Graduate Degrees;

                      6) Starting a NEW Career ******

                      7) A birth in the family

                      8) A death in the family

                      9) Major illness or injury affecting you - your partner - or immediate family

                      10) Major change in household finances


                      Any of the above can DISTURB an otherwise normally smooth relationship. Here's a major point I didn't touch upon initially and it may be a SORE spot : the MALE EGO!

                      A woman entering todays competetive job and career market you're bound to CLASH with some male counterparts applying for or already in some of the same fields you're interested in. This is troublesome enough among strangers but can sometimes wreak havoc upon an otherwise seemingly stable relationship.

                      It's not as problematic today as it was when I entered Law Enforcement. Years ago women were viewed as an "oddity" when assuming non-traditional career paths such as Police Officers - Firefighters -etc.
                      The Male Ego comes into play when you assume a position or career that puts you on EQUAL FOOTING as your partner! Not all men feel threatened by a woman and/spouse in the same career and financial strata but there are those that do -- to them this is HIGHLY unacceptable for their "woman" to be engaged in a "mans'" job! Most men have "let go" of of this concept through the years. There are still some that believe in the old "double standard" meaaning everything is divided into male and female roles and the two should never be blended.

                      Your partner may've felt secure -- (his ego was at work here feeling dominant -- in his position as an Officer -- the "macho" concept of flexing his muscle and beating his chest!) until you SHOCKED him into reality by expressing your desire to become an Officer! Psychologically you pulled the chair right out from under him! His"authority" was challenged by the thought of you becoming his comtemporary/partner in Law enforcement.

                      Not ALL men see things in the same way. It's best that this unrest has struck now rather than you being marriied with children involved. All is not lost! There's still a good chance that he'll realize (once he gets over the shock) that TWO STABLE incomes are better than one and by becoming an Officer you both will have MUCH MORE in common!

                      I take it that you are both young and getting over this hurdle is nothing more than your partner experiencing a "bruised ego." Only time will tell. It's better to settle this matter now and get on with your life. Don't let trying to please someone else stand in the way of your career and happiness. A few years down the road you may ultimately regret it! Follow your dreams! Good Luck!

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                      • #12
                        I dated a cop from another agency for a couple of years and then he got hired on at our agency. I was even at one time his (3rd up the chain of command) supervisor. I would let others get away with things that I would not dare let him get away with so that no one could say anything about favoritism (kinda reverse discrimination on my part). I guess it didnt bother him to much because we have been married for 2 years now. Both of us have transferred to other divisions within our department so we dont work together on any regular basis. There are several married or "living together" officers in our agency. None that I can think of work directly together. We used to have a Captain that was married to a Lt. and their officers were across the hall from each other. Talk about domestics all of the time! That didnt work out to well.
                        Point being that it can work, but only if BOTH of you want it to. If he dosent want you to be a cop it is his problem because if that is what you really want to do you should go for it, even if it means leaving him behind.
                        Dont think of it as losing, think of it as being beat by a girl!

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                        • #13
                          Being married to a cop on your dept is really great until you get a divorce. Then you have to still deal with them all the time. We've got a lot of cops married to each other, some have divorced and married other cops... Some work, but a lot don't. And it's when they don't that it gets ugly. That's why I never dated a cop nor even a civilian employee at the dept.

                          And if that's the only reason your bf broke up with you, he was just looking for an excuse.... Move on...

                          Jim
                          "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." John Wayne

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                          • #14
                            Ever answer a domestic disturbance call involving two cops married to one another? Talk about a cluster...

                            Lloyd

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                            • #15
                              If 2 officers at my dept got married,one would have to quit. If a supervisor was caught sleeping with a subordinate,there would be a major stink. It would not matter if they were "dating",it is still a professional no-no.
                              If you stare into the abyss long enough,sometimes it stares back.

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