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Who has (or had) a parent in "the home"?

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  • Who has (or had) a parent in "the home"?

    My maternal unit will be 84 this year. She's five years into Parkinson's disease and recently fell, fracturing her pelvis. After four+ weeks in the hospital she's headed home this afternoon.

    I start my recon of local convelescent hospitals (or homes, if you will) looking to relocate her nearer my home, from Oklahoma.

    When I worked patrol at LAPD, we spent many hours on DB calls at these places. It was beyond sad to see these old folks with little or no contact with the outside world, or their families prior to their light switch being turned off.

    So, I look to you, my smarter and more worldly LE brothers & sisters, share the good and bad stories about placing loved ones in these facilities.
    "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

    Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

    Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

  • #2
    While working I hated getting calls to the "con" homes. Most smelled like a diaper pail as soon as you walked in. What tugged at my emotions....is when I started to leave...they would scream help me....take me with you.

    As for personal life...con homes were temporary as the assistance provided ie PT etc was not available at home. Is this a permanant move or temporary?

    As for assisted living in a permanant scenario...we found a wonderful place..didn't smell like a diaper pail and the staff treated the residents good. Activities, food and living quarters were good...apt like setting not hospital. The difference was...no one screamed for you to help them as you prepared to leave...and the residents all referred to it as their home.

    While you try to make this difficult decision on which facility...my suggestion is for you to actually visit the ones in the running. If it smells like a diaper pail...do yourself and your mom a favor and leave. Visit during dinner...walk the halls and see if the staff are attentive.

    The State of CO should have a website of violations...that might be interesting to browse. They may also be of assistance with something like Dept of Aging...don't know what they call it in CO.

    Good luck.

    And if ALL fails................add on to the house!
    This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Kieth M. View Post
      My maternal unit will be 84 this year. She's five years into Parkinson's disease and recently fell, fracturing her pelvis. After four+ weeks in the hospital she's headed home this afternoon.

      I start my recon of local convelescent hospitals (or homes, if you will) looking to relocate her nearer my home, from Oklahoma.

      When I worked patrol at LAPD, we spent many hours on DB calls at these places. It was beyond sad to see these old folks with little or no contact with the outside world, or their families prior to their light switch being turned off.

      So, I look to you, my smarter and more worldly LE brothers & sisters, share the good and bad stories about placing loved ones in these facilities.
      - Check reviews online

      - Check with the State Board to see if any complaints have been filed against the home you are looking at

      - WEAR your uniform when you go to tour a place - You're a police chief and noone is gonna mistreat your mom. Trust me.

      - Make it a permanent move. She probably outlived all of her friends anyway and needs to make new ones.

      - Make sure the place is close enough for family visits, dinners over at your place and other outings.

      - You may find that you can enjoy your mom's company more 'cos some of the stress and responsibility can be taken on by a compatent staff at the home. Moms don't really like their kids taking care of them. My mom finds it embarrasing. So a good home is a win-win.

      - If you have baggage regarding your mom, alchohol, childhood this is a great opportunity to let it go

      - It's going to be OK.....really
      Last edited by Stitch; 05-15-2012, 06:56 PM.
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      • #4
        Back when I was a kid my mother spent 20 year working in a convalescent hospital and used to come home with all sorts of tales about how the patients were treated by staff and once placed there, how they were pretty much abandoned by their families. .

        Two stories stand out in my mind. Because the patients were elderly and often immobile, she learned how to change bedding with the patient still in the bed. One day she was chatting with a patient and rolled them over in bed to change the sheets. When she rolled the patient back she discovered that they had died. It took her a while to get over that one.

        In another instance something burned in the kitchen creating a lot of smoke. Staff went to each patients room and closed the door so smoke would not enter and cause a panic. When a patient dies and the undertaker or coroner comes, all the door are closed so the patients don't see the body being rolled out in the gurney. None of the patients smelled the smoke, but because their door were being closed they all assumed someone had died and were sad.

        On several occasions my mother has told me that if her health ever got that bad I should just shoot her rather than place her in a home. She will be 88 this year. Whenever she has a health issue I occasionally comment that I will call her old place of employment and check on the rates for her. When I do that, the looks she give me suggest she is thinking of writing me out of her will.
        Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

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        • #5
          Honestly...
          I am recently divorced, with a 2 yr old son and a german shepherd. I didnt have a mom growing up for the most part, and Grandma was it for me. (My dads mom). She was living with my uncle who robbed her blind, and took all her benefits. Then she went to a home for a bit, where she cried all day every day long. The moment I got out and got a new place alone....grandma came to live with me. She is in the early stages of dementia and I know it only gets worse, but I am holding on to her as long as I can. Grandma keeps me company more than any husband could ever talk to me. LOL. So I am struggling one day at a time, and will continue to do it until someone tells me I cant anymore.

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          • #6
            We had to do this with my parents. They were both suffering from dementia, and so they were pretty obstinate about the whole thing. It was just at the point where they couldn't manage their own house anymore. We found them a good place where they could have their independence but also have good medical staff if they needed them. It was the right thing to do, but I don't think they ever forgave us for doing it.

            On the other hand, my aunt and uncle knew it was time to get into a retirement community, and moved to one of their own volition. Just depends on the person I guess.

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            • #7
              Keith...
              Yesterday my wife and I visited our step-father in the nursing home celebrating his 91st. birthday. Bob has Alzheimers, and is deteriorating quite rapidly. My wife's mom has been visiting him faithfully, 2 or 3 times per week. My point here is that there are good and bad "homes". The quality of life varies due to the patient's condition and what their needs are. No one wants to see their loved ones in a home, but there are circumstances where living at home is not a viable option, and Alzheimers disease is one of them. I DO know there are caring and responsible staff that work there, who treat their patients with dignity and respect. Look around a bit, and you will find good and bad care centers. I wish you well in your decision.
              Ski

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              • #8
                My grandfather had to be placed in a Nursing Home in 1972..........he died in 1980 -----and made room in the same nursing home for my step father....he died in 1986. Neither knew much of what was going on around them during the entire time they were in the place (one was an Alzheimer's patient and the other was severe debilitating stroke )

                My mother died May 3 of this year after nearly 8 yrs in a home( and a total of 15 yrs suffering from Alzheimer's) AND my Father in law has been in a home for the last 4 yrs.


                I have a bit of experience in the field.

                Mom enjoyed the companionship of being in the nursing home.....as long as she had her mind intact....BUT she loved being around people . Grandfather step dad & father in law were problems and hated it and would have hated it if they knew where they were!!!!!

                I am actually going to agree with Stitch ..(somewhat)...research the place with the state. EVERY home will have SOME complaints........find one that has few.

                Make a few unannounced visits to the place (no uniform) and talk to people. You want the employees to ask you if you need help (they are really asking who the heck you are and why you are there)

                SMELL around.......if the place smells dirty, it probably is.............

                My older sister has worked in a Nursing Home for the last 26 yrs..........and is now the activity director (at the home my mother passed away in) ..........I know the people there are caring people............................
                Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

                My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

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                • #9
                  Who has (or had) a parent in "the home"?

                  Foster parent orientation takes place soon after the completed application is received. Orientation may take place as part of an individual session or in a group training program. Whenever possible, one-to-one orientation should take place in the applicant’s home during the home study.




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