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My mom's world shrinks a little more, today.

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  • My mom's world shrinks a little more, today.

    The phone rang at the office, today. One of my cops answered it and said, "Chief, it's for you." "Who is it?" I asked. He replied, "It's your mom."

    I knew something was amiss. She's never called the office. She'll call my personal or work cell phones, but never call me direct at the office. I got on the phone, "Hey mom, what's up?" She'd been crying. She informed me my aunt, her sister, had collapsed at home and was dead.

    My mother is the last of the four kids. 20 years ago, she had friends start to die off. Then about ten years ago, the eldest brother passed on. Maybe seven ago, the next brother. Today, her sister. She's the baby (at age 82) and the last one on the reservation, in Oklahoma.

    I feel bad for her. Her world has grown smaller by the passing of friends and family. It must be a very painful and scary world at this moment. I told her I love her. I'll get there to Pawhuska next week, or the week after. I'll take the kids to the dances at the end of June, I hope.

    So what, if anything, have you noticed about your older relations losing their peer group members?
    Last edited by Kieth M.; 05-26-2011, 11:06 AM.
    "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

    Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

    Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

  • #2
    My sympathies for your loss, Kieth.
    It's tough for them to see friends and family passing on. Maybe try and get her involved in a senior center? She might make some new friends. They won't replace friends lost, but it may be just what she needs.
    Originally posted by JasperST
    "The fail is strong with this one."


    Originally posted by mdrep
    It's not sporting old chap. Like shooting fish in a barrel. You may only take a shot at a poser or troll if they are running and you are properly licensed.

    What do you think we are, a bunch of barbarians?

    Comment


    • #3
      While only a tangential category, I know my father lost his 2 sisters to cancer and the boy that would have been his brother died as an infant. I never thought much about how he handled it, but often have thought about how his parents, my grandparents, must have suffered with outliving all but one of their children.

      I can't even imagine the heart wrenching pain they went through with each loss. Were it to happen to me, I think I'd lose my damn mind.
      NRA Life Member

      The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

      Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

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      • #4
        My condolences.

        Mom's also around that age, also in OK, and also seeing all the friends and family of her generation pass. I worry that all she does is sit at the kitchen table all day smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee in a darkened room. Her interests keep things like senior centers at bay. Her health (bad, bad allergies) keep her indoors.

        I remember when she was caring for her aging parents and now see us reaching that stage between the 2 of us. Inevitable? Sure, but still sad.

        Comment


        • #5
          I watch the Obits online for my home area......................about once or twice a month I see someone who is a contemporary of my mother................also many of them are parents of my school mates.

          Mom is suffering from advanced Alzheimer's and quite honestly is clueless.
          Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

          My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

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          • #6
            All of my grandparents past many years ago, and all but one of my wife’s, so we have not had to watch this happen (or too young to notice), but as our parents are now in their sixties and my dad in his early seventies we have become more aware that soon things will be changing in ways we are not yet ready for. I suppose watching them cope with this problem is just one more challenge with ageing.
            Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

            Comment


            • #7
              Man, oh, man...

              My step-sister's 90 y/o mom died last evening/this morning. My mom actually had a very friendly relationship with her, too.

              Hopefully, it was this morning as my sister's birthday was yesterday, I'd hate to think her mom died on her birthday.
              "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

              Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

              Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

              Comment


              • #8
                Condolences on the passing of your Aunt.

                Sadly we are ALL getting older and to the point in life where "friends" pass. Just visited my folks in Calee.....where my mom said teary eyed,"Seems like time is running out...I love you". I know mom...I love you too!
                This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sorry for your loss Chief.
                  "a band is blowing Dixie double four time You feel alright when you hear the music ring"


                  The real deal

                  Outshined Pujulesfan Bearcat Chitowndet Sgt Slaughter jthorpe M-11 Lt Borelli L-1Sgt CHP Nikk Smurf Presence1 IcecoldblueyesKimble LADEP ateamer ChiCity R.A.B. Jenners IrishMetal GoldBadge willowdared Monkeybomb PhilipCal pullicords Chit2001 Garbageman Narco CruiserClass Fuzz 10-42Trooper Tex4720 irishlad2nv bajakirch OnThe gurmpyirishmanNYIlliniSgtScott31 CityCopDCcgh6366 FJDave

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                  • #10
                    My father died in '97 at 73, and my mom is 82. Her short-term memory is almost gone, and chunks of her long-term memory come and go. I called on Mother's Day (she's 5 hours away) and she asked where I worked now (self-employed for 10 years) and whether I had any girlfriends (married for 20 years with two kids). I'm sure she forgot I called within minutes. Her world has not only gotten much, much smaller, but from minute to minute it can disappear and reappear. I think the mother I knew is almost gone, really.

                    Due to widely different outlooks on work, family, life in general, my family has grown apart over the years (one sister, her husband and adult son) and it saddens me to say this, but at times it feels like I really have no family other than my immediate family and in-laws.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wow, I'm so sorry for your losses. My mom is in Michigan and I'm down here so the entire burden is on my brother. I've stopped trying to get them to move down here so that I could do my fair share. I can't imagine how my brother must be coping with all of her physical problems. I haven't had the best relationship with her so I'm not sure how I'll react when she finally passes, she's 84 and both of her parents live to 94. I think I'll be more worried about him then me, I'll probably be relieved that I don't have to put up with the abusive, snarky comments any longer.

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                      • #12
                        I'm sorry for your Mom, Chief!
                        Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Stay strong Keith!

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                          • #14
                            Wow-- losing two contemporaries in a day's time. That must indeed be distressing for her.

                            I watch a lot of folks go through this, Kieth. My mom was one of the first in her generation to go, and my dad was one of the last, so I've seen it in the family. And then, of course, I also see it in the parish. I've buried way too many people in the 18 years I have been here, and the "old guard" is getting small in numbers, between death and dementia.

                            I remember one of my aunts, talking to me after the death of her sister, saying how strange it felt that there was no one left who remembered her childhood, and who had shared those years with her.

                            I also remember, when the last of my grandparents' generation died, one of my cousins at the funeral saying, "The next time we are together like this, it is going to HURT!" because it would be one of our parents, or one of us, or (God forbid) one of our kids. The "next time" turned out to be my mom, and he was right-- it hurt.

                            The only thing I know to do is to PAY ATTENTION to folks while you have them. Get your mom to tell her stories of these people. Pull out the pictures and get her to identify who's in them, and the occasions they are from, write them on the pictures. Let your mom see that you are honoring the stories of their lives and of her life.
                            We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                            but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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                            • #15
                              Incidentally, when Mom died, I took her old cotton housedresses, which she had been wearing for about twenty years, and made them into quilted pillows, which I gave to my Dad and my siblings. After Dad died, his "Mom-pillow" came back to me. You can tell he never washed it, and that he had kept it close for the seventeen years he lived without her.

                              After he died, I took the pins, patches, from his various uniforms and organizations (Army, Civil Air Patrol, Experimental Aircraft Association) with the intent of making some shadow-boxes for my siblings. It has been a few years, now, and I still haven't done that, but I still mean to.

                              I think something tangible can be a comfort.
                              We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                              but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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