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    I found out that my wife has been emailing another guy about whatever
    Last edited by ON-DUTY; 03-16-2014, 10:21 PM.

  • #2
    In any relationship, trust is everything and it seems like the person who you should be trusting the most has betrayed your trust. I or anyone else for that matter can't tell you what you have to do, especially none of know what exactly is going on in your marriage. This is tough one. It seems like (according to your posting) she has a pattern of doing the same over and over.

    One thing I find out, once a cheater, always will be a cheater. She'll never tell you the full story and you'll never know the extend of her wrong doing.

    Good luck.

    Comment


    • #3
      WOW!

      If she has history before...........................a leopard cannot change it's spots. Too bad all the other stuff is pending. Have a talk with the wife...and perhaps seek counseling if you both agree you want to continue with the relationship. The kids are your kids no matter what. If not seek a divorce and custody of the kids.

      Hang in there and if you need to vent...let us know.
      This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.

      Comment


      • #4
        One of the most basic building blocks of a marriage is trust. You have reason, not to trust. You say she cheated before your marriage and now is talking to some guy over the net. Has she met with this guy since that concert? Or is she just living out a fantasy over the net? Talk isn't physical contact.

        The first thing you have to consider, is the kids. They need to be put first no matter what else happens.
        Second, you have to sit down with your wife and have a truth session. No lies, no excuses...just what has happened. Then you have to decide if you want to stay together. Don't do it for the kids, they need to be considered but the marriage is between you and your wife. Stay together for the two of you. Get counseling if you do decide to stay together, these issues need to be addressed.

        If you do decide to separate, make sure your kids know that you will always love them, no matter what. I've recently dealt with my ex in a custody case, my boys really benefited from a psychologist. I recommend counseling for everyone, no matter what path you take.

        I wish you good luck with your problems. Venting here, has done me a world of good, so vent if you need to. We've been there too.
        Originally posted by JasperST
        "The fail is strong with this one."


        Originally posted by mdrep
        It's not sporting old chap. Like shooting fish in a barrel. You may only take a shot at a poser or troll if they are running and you are properly licensed.

        What do you think we are, a bunch of barbarians?

        Comment


        • #5
          Leave her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Plus, she lied to you about it right to your face!!
          Do what you want, but if it was me, I'd be sayin Buh Bye

          Comment


          • #6
            Good Luck use family and friends support network and make the best life you can for your kids.

            Comment


            • #7
              Start getting your finances and bills accounted for and in order. Trauma has given you some good advice. My (ex) wife did the same thing. She wouldn't admit to anything either until she told me that she was moving in with her boyfriend. To me, it sounds like she has already started a new life without you.

              Comment


              • #8
                I agree but I have a different perspective. I don't think she started another life, I think she is an insecure woman who needs attention. I know her type both male and female who will never change. Regardless you loved her and moved away and hoped for the best. A heart in Love never makes decisions that are logical.

                Well now here we are in the present, If I were you this is what I would do. Do nothing that would jeopardize seeing your children, damage your job or put her in a position to WIN against you in court. Being visiting the children or full custody.

                I know how your feeling and I have never shared this but I will with you. 17-18 years ago one day I was burying my father the next day I came home to find my now ex in bed with someone else. I left and driving in the rain I got two flat tires hitting a pot hole and I had 5 bucks to my name. I never felt so low in my life. To top it off I found out a month later she was prego. Had the blood work done etc and it was my boy. During that moment I actually felt like jumping of a pier for a split second. I thought to myself "here I am just buried my dad, lost my job and my woman is fuc-ing her ex boyfriend and to top it off I am walking in the rain. Nothing could be worse then this. Then after crying, cursing GOD and feeling sorry for myself I just started focusing on me and my kids.

                Fast Forward 17 almost 18 years later I have a new wife who loves me (why I don't know) a wonderful Daughter and my two boys are almost grown up and now see the shi- I went through and what their mother really is. I never spoke a negative word about her to them ever regardless of the shi- she said about me.

                I promise you I know how you feel right now more than anyone- I am you two decades later Brother. Keep your head up and take it day after day. DO NOT PUT HER IN A POSITION TO WIN!!

                GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU. If you need to talk PM me..
                Last edited by jcioccke; 05-06-2011, 04:33 AM.
                MDRDEP:

                There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

                Comment


                • #9
                  It's almost as if a few of us have had that bad first marriage, we learned what NOT to do and then did it right.
                  Originally posted by JasperST
                  "The fail is strong with this one."


                  Originally posted by mdrep
                  It's not sporting old chap. Like shooting fish in a barrel. You may only take a shot at a poser or troll if they are running and you are properly licensed.

                  What do you think we are, a bunch of barbarians?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by jcioccke View Post
                    I agree but I have a different perspective. I don't think she started another life, I think she is an insecure woman who needs attention. I know her type both male and female who will never change. Regardless you loved her and moved away and hoped for the best. A heart in Love never makes decisions that are logical.

                    Well now here we are in the present, If I were you this is what I would do. Do nothing that would jepoardize seeing your children, damage your job or put her in a position to WIN against you in court. Being visiting the children or full custody.

                    I know how your feeling and I have never shared this but I will with you. 17-18 years ago my the day I was burying my father the next day I came home to find my now ex in bed with someone else. I left and driving in the rain I got two flat tires hiting a pot hole and I had 5 bucks to my name. I never felt so low in my life. To top it off I found out a month later she was prego. Had the blood work done etc and it was my boy. During that moment I actully felt like jumping of a pier for a split second. I thought to myself "here I am just buried my dad, lost my job and my woman is fuc-ing her ex boyfriend and to top it off I am walking in the rain. Nothing could be worse then this. Then after crying, cursing GOD and feeling sorry for myself I just started focusing on me and my kids.

                    Fast Forward 17 almost 18 years later I have a new wife who loves me (why I don't know) a wonderful Daughter and my two boys are almost grown up and now see the shi- I went through and what their mother really is. I never spoke a negative word about her to them ever regardless of the shi- she said about me.

                    I promise you I know how you feel right now more than anyone- I am you two decades later Brother. Keep your head up and take it day after day. DO NOT PUT HER IN A POSITION TO WIN!!
                    GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU. If you need to talk PM me..
                    Good advice.
                    sigpic

                    "Po Po coming through!" all rights reserved DJS



                    'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

                    http://www.snipercompany.com/

                    M16/AR15/M4 Armorer

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Cut your losses with her , you have your kids and they are all that matters everything happens for a reason whether we understand it or not. Good Luck Brother

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Such a breach of trust is a real loss, and leaves a person in a state of grief, just the same as if something has died-- and if you think about it, something HAS died: your hope and belief in that relationship, your expectations for your future, the stability of your home-- lots of things have died.

                        So, no wonder if your head is reeling and you have a sense of loss and confusion. That would be a normal response to something like this.

                        I hesitate to advise someone I do not know, when I only have a few paragraphs about their situation. But I think you need to consider carefully whether or not you can rebuild your trust in her-- whether you even WANT to, and have the will to do the hard work it takes to do that. And that is not work you can do by yourself. She would need to be absolutely transparent with her actions and contacts, for you to rebuild trust in her, and from your description, it doesn't sound like she is there yet. So that doesn't leave me feeling hopeful about the prospects of rebuilding anything with her.

                        If that is your read on it, too, then I think the others have given you very good advice about keeping the long-term goals in mind and not doing anything that would give her ammunition against your best interests, or those of the kids.

                        I hope you will be gentle with yourself and give yourself a chance to mourn your losses. The idea of counseling for those involved is a good one-- remember that your power lies not in changing HER, but in learning how YOU want to relate and live, and recognizing if you are making choices that set you up in any way.

                        One last thing: you didn't choose this to happen, but you do get to choose how you will respond to it. You can make this into a story of courage and nobility, and can teach your kids about honesty, love, and commitment by modeling those things as you make your way through this. Don't let hurt or anger make you less a person in your own eyes or theirs.
                        We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                        but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          ON-DUTY, First off, why are you on paid administrative leave for a personal matter? Or did something happen to put you on that?

                          If this happened once before prior to you both getting married that should have thrown red flags up. Trust is everything. If you don't trust your spouse the relationship will fail. Now you have children involved which complicates matters. Reconciliation is possible but you guys will need counseling.

                          My advice to you is this. SAVE YOUR CAREER, forget about the email account, forget about who the guy is and just make sure you are in you children's lives as best as you can. You can move on with your life and she can move on with hers. It's a painful decision to make but you are better off moving on without her.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            ON-DUTY, I agree with what everyone else has said. I would add one thing: continue to follow your gut. It doesn't mean your gut is always right, and make sure you have the facts before you act, but your gut is probably leading you pretty well right now. And like Jcioccke's hearbreaking story proves, there is no bad luck on this planet that can't be turned around. Good luck to you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by David Hineline View Post
                              Good Luck use family and friends support network and make the best life you can for your kids.
                              agree 100% sorry this happened brother.

                              Comment

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