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How much is enough?? And When do I stop???

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  • How much is enough?? And When do I stop???

    ok, a little background... Me and my hubby are both in law enforcement, I used to be in border patrol but reassigned after I had a baby, and now we are trying to go to AZ. I really want to go back to bp but my hubby says its too dangerous and is pushing me to customs. I get his reasons, I know he wants to keep me safe, but I still have that longing to do more with my life. I would love to do SWAT type missions do the special details get my hands dirty into anything that becomes available, but then it always comes back to money isn't everything, and don't I want to be there for my children, and I would never be home to see them grow..... Am I really being selfish, is it really just me being too proud or ambitious......... should I be content I have a good paying job and just rent action flicks lol??? What do you all think?

  • #2
    What does he do? Perhaps he can find a less dangerous job......I don't envy your choices as being a man I will probably never have to. I say continue doing what you want because the last thing that needs to show up is resentment and regrets.
    Disclaimer: The writer does not represent any organization, employer, entity or other individual. The views expressed are those only of the writer. In the case of a sarcastic, facetious, nonsensical, stirring-the-pot, controversial or devil's advocate-type post, the views expressed may not even reflect those of the writer [This sig stolen from Brickcop who stole it from Frank Booth].

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    • #3
      We have the same job, and are both applying for customs. If it were just us I wouldn't care, but I am scared of not being there for my kids, but I don't want to just give up on my dreams and my potential.....

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      • #4
        I think the children should be the only thing taken into consideration.

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        • #5
          When you have kids, your dreams and desires take a back seat (that's is if they just haven't been thrown out the window). Plenty of job options I'd like to consider, but I won't until my kids are much older than they are now.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by just joe View Post
            When you have kids, your dreams and desires take a back seat (that's is if they just haven't been thrown out the window). Plenty of job options I'd like to consider, but I won't until my kids are much older than they are now.
            Same here. Hit the brakes and slow down a little bit. Keep an open mind. As time goes on you might find that your previous desires won't be so important. The child can take your life and turn it completely around from where you thought you would be. In a good way. There is nothing so wonderful as coming home and seeing your son or daughter.

            Having said that, if my wife was on the department, I would not be worried about her being on SWAT. I have no statistics but I think regular patrol is more dangerous.
            Prov 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

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            • #7
              slow down a bit. Put your focus on the family first. If you are concerned about the children then put your professional goals on hold and be a mom first. When they get older then you can consider moving or reassignment. Never pick the job over family.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Adam12 View Post
                slow down a bit. Put your focus on the family first. If you are concerned about the children then put your professional goals on hold and be a mom first. When they get older then you can consider moving or reassignment. Never pick the job over family.
                This.




                World_So_Cold

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                • #9
                  Maybe I am not the best person for this.

                  But I am very independent in relationships (I live with a girlfriend, been together long enough that we are basically husband/wife just without the paperwork)

                  I would tell your husband that you want to work for the BP and he will have to deal with it. I don't think it is unreasonable to be happy in this world and have the job you want. Personally I'd rather not be a cop before I work customs (nothing against the job they do, but it just isn't for me)

                  All police jobs are dangerous, a lot of jobs are dangerous, driving to work is dangerous, but the statistics for coming home safely tend to be in your favor.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Adam12 View Post
                    slow down a bit. Put your focus on the family first. If you are concerned about the children then put your professional goals on hold and be a mom first. When they get older then you can consider moving or reassignment. Never pick the job over family.
                    Why can't the husband do this? Or has he done this already?
                    Disclaimer: The writer does not represent any organization, employer, entity or other individual. The views expressed are those only of the writer. In the case of a sarcastic, facetious, nonsensical, stirring-the-pot, controversial or devil's advocate-type post, the views expressed may not even reflect those of the writer [This sig stolen from Brickcop who stole it from Frank Booth].

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                    • #11
                      My question is...How is your husband on other issues not related to the career? From the little you have listed here, it sounds like he is either controlling or jealous. Either way, he wants you somewhere that he can keep an eye one you. Could either be because he worries about your safety or because he has trust issues (be aware that trust issues might be directed toward other male LEOs, not necessarily you).

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                      • #12
                        In the grand scheme of things, your priorities are messed up. You have a new job now - it's called being a parent and priority numero uno is to take care of that child. "Work" is the 4-letter thing you do to pay the bills, buy food and diapers.

                        "...I still have that longing to do more with my life." Uhhh...no. You want to put the kid on the back burner while you go out and have fun playing cops and robbers. I see it as the same thing as those people who have kids, then wanna get back to bar-hopping or clubbing all the time for selfish reasons, only your "club/bar" is a job. There are countless stories of families and/or children suffering because the job came first. I did that very thing myself and I hate myself for it. You cannot make up for lost time.

                        Your hubby might be looking at things from a logistical standpoint, too. If you're off running around doing BP or other SWAT duties with ever changing hours/shifts/call-outs/holding over, it's more difficult to schedule life things. Not that either one is a bad gig to have, nor are those people that have those assignments and have children suddenly bad parents, but every couple makes choices. Having a child and being in a marriage is not based on a series of individual decisions.
                        NRA Life Member

                        The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

                        Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

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                        • #13
                          ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                          You nailed it sarge!!!!!!!!!!!!
                          sigpic

                          "Po Po coming through!" all rights reserved DJS



                          'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

                          http://www.snipercompany.com/

                          M16/AR15/M4 Armorer

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                          • #14
                            For many years I followed my husband around and took the jobs I could so that our son always had at least one parent 24/7. My husband got to live his dream, take all the "fun" jobs he wanted while I waited. When our son turned 18 it was my turn and now I work an awesome job with good pay and lot's of perks. I am still young and have a lot of plans for the future. I don't have any regrets.

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                            • #15
                              My question is...How is your husband on other issues not related to the career? From the little you have listed here, it sounds like he is either controlling or jealous. Either way, he wants you somewhere that he can keep an eye one you. Could either be because he worries about your safety or because he has trust issues (be aware that trust issues might be directed toward other male LEOs, not necessarily you).


                              he's very over-protective.... I'm small and he wants to keep me safe, but at the same point no one knows my abilities or capabilities but me.
                              Last edited by LIL_VET_WIFE; 04-25-2011, 09:09 AM.

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