Leader

Collapse

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

"I hate your job..."

Collapse

300x250 Mobile

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • "I hate your job..."

    This is what I hear all the time. I just got out of the academy and on the streets and she can't stand it. I work 2nd shift now, 2:30-12:30, and during our probationary time we will switch shifts every two months.

    Then she gets angry because I have to work all the holidays this year... She had Thanksgiving Day and the day after off, of course I had to work. THERE"S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT!!! I can't even use any compensatory time until my probation is up in May. I try to tell her things will get better, I'll get a fixed shift, will be able to take some time off here and there, etc. She's just depressed all the time and keeps telling me that my job is ruining her life.

    I have waited forever to get where I am now. I worked my butt off to get where I am. I make a good living and enjoy my job. I can provide for us now. And she is just mad all the time.

    I never go out boozing after work, I spend every minute that I have off with her, and still she's upset.

    What do I tell her? I gave up pursuing a career in LE 7 years ago because of my gf at the time, and was resentful the entire time we were together. We broke up, I started applying at agencies again. I finally convinced one into hiring me and my current gf acts like I hate her.
    The only time you can have too much ammunition is when you're swimming or on fire

  • #2
    Maybe it is time for you and her to break up. May sound harsh but dating an LEO isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Nothing glamourous about it and you will be missing a hell of a lot more special days.

    But you have a special family who knows what it is like to date a cop. Your brothers and sisters are here for you.


    Of course that is just my .02 cents.
    "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


    *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
    Not Yet Visited: 16
    Baseball Hall of Fame- Visited

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm with Baseball Babe on this. Sorry brother. Women come and go. A career is forever. From what I hear, it's not easy getting on in OH. Congrats.

      Don't give it up (career) for anyone.
      MDRDEP:

      There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

      Comment


      • #4
        Its always hard on a relationship. If she is depressed now. I suggest you run like hell. No need to continue the relationship any farther. Not married or have kids together its a great time to get out.

        Plenty of fish in the sea.
        The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

        Comment


        • #5
          I have waited forever to get where I am now. I worked my butt off to get where I am. I make a good living and enjoy my job.
          THIS is what is important right now. And monkeybomb is right, if she's this upset now..just imagine later...

          You know alot of people would kill to be in the position where you are today. Congrats on the career but you have to find a more understanding girl. She should have known what she's getting into, if she can't handle it, then she should kick rocks!



          If you get married to her...see my prenup thread
          Futurelaw
          Last edited by Futurelaw89; 11-30-2009, 06:29 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            You will always have issues, to what degree depends on you. My wife and I have been married 39 years (dang that's a long time) in 10 days...
            The deal is this, she knows I love my job, and she has even said she would never ask me to give up a job that I love doing...

            Now then, there are wimmens out there that will put up with your career and even encourage you in it.

            Hang in there; plus what the others have said.
            It's not the will to win that matters...everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters.
            Paul "Bear" Bryant

            Comment


            • #7
              Only you know what is more important.

              I disagree about not giving up a career for anyone. It all depends on you and your feelings for the girlfriend and your feelings for your career. If my wife decided today that she could no longer put up with the nigh shift, no complete weekends off, working holidays and the rest....................and threatened divorce....................I would quit in a minute. Family comes first.


              However the GF is not family yet.
              It sounds to me like you are in a relatively short term relationship right now. Your decision will be long term-------if you quit to make her happy, you could have a real hard time getting back into the profession.

              I think you know the answer from the way you posted the question.
              Since some people need to be told by notes in crayon .......Don't PM me with without prior permission. If you can't discuss the situation in the open forum ----it must not be that important

              My new word for the day is FOCUS, when someone irritates you tell them to FOCUS

              Comment


              • #8
                If you are planning marriage, then there is certainly hard times in the future. If you are planning just a live in relationship, then you are expecting hard times. No matter what you do there will be issues.

                Remember this though, no job is worth a marriage or family splitting up.

                If she really wants to be with you then she will accept what you do and who you are, without conditions.

                My wife of 9 years (together 13) went through a lot. She supported me in every way and loved me for who I am. She still does. But the law enforcement life is tough and not for everyone. I have realized that it may be time for me to leave, after 15 years and a few moves. My children deserve better as does my wife.

                So only YOU will know what is right.

                I remember a long time ago a question from a board I went through when trying to break into this profession. They asked what comes first the job of family? At that time I was single....answer was clear to me, at least I thought so. Now with a loving and supporting wife, and wonderful children, family comes first....took me a while to see my answer to that board question.

                Good luck.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I love my wife like she is the only woman in the world. But, this is the only job that I have ever wanted to do. I wake up every day WANTING to go to work. How many people say that? Don't get me wrong, my family comes first. But if she decides to leave, I will live on.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Danny,
                    How long have you been dating this girl? Does she usually pout and whine when things aren't going her way... and then adjust? Or has she always gotten what she wanted by being bratty?
                    Change is tough. If she's used to having you around on a regular schedule and she needs alot of attention, its going to be hard. But if she wants to be with you and wants you to be happy, she'll adjust. Or you'll adjust the situation and let her go.
                    But give her a chance to "put her big girl panties on" and learn to deal with the situation.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      She's just a girlfriend? Not a wife or even a fiance? YOUR job is ruining HER LIFE?

                      Kick her to the effin' curb and go find another one.

                      Please see my post in the thread about people flying off the handle at parties once they find out you're a cop. Feel free to handle it the same way.
                      NRA Life Member

                      The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

                      Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by nolo View Post
                        Danny,
                        How long have you been dating this girl? Does she usually pout and whine when things aren't going her way... and then adjust? Or has she always gotten what she wanted by being bratty?
                        Change is tough. If she's used to having you around on a regular schedule and she needs alot of attention, its going to be hard. But if she wants to be with you and wants you to be happy, she'll adjust. Or you'll adjust the situation and let her go.
                        But give her a chance to "put her big girl panties on" and learn to deal with the situation.
                        We've been together for about 2 years. She's never bratty, doesn't whine or pout too much when things aren't going her way either. I do love this girl and have considered couple's counseling. I know that if other LE couples make it work than we can to.

                        I really need some suggestions on trying to make it work... What do other couples with opposite schedules do to keep themselves sane.

                        Things I'm trying to do: 1. Not sleep all the time or at least be awake when she is home.

                        2. I don't go out very often at all, not much of a drinker anymore so I usually come straight home after work. Maybe once a month I'll meet up with some friends and have a beer or two.

                        3. I'm trying to do some housework when I wake up so she can come home to a cleanish house. Truth be told, I'm kind of messy and she's a neat freak.

                        4. I work 10 hour shifts, so I wind up having 160 days off each year, plus comp time and 2 weeks furlough (which I can't use till I'm off probation) Every other month I have weekends off. I try to use that time for "us" time as much as possible.

                        I guess what I'm saying is that I want to have my cake and eat it too...

                        So how do you married folks do it???
                        The only time you can have too much ammunition is when you're swimming or on fire

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I know that if other LE couples make it work than we can to.
                          50/50 shot. That's the average divorce numbers anyway. Other people are astronauts, too. For some of us, it's just not meant to be not matter HOW bad we wanna rock a space suit.

                          I really need some suggestions on trying to make it work... What do other couples with opposite schedules do to keep themselves sane.

                          Things I'm trying to do: 1. Not sleep all the time or at least be awake when she is home.

                          2. I don't go out very often at all, not much of a drinker anymore so I usually come straight home after work. Maybe once a month I'll meet up with some friends and have a beer or two.

                          3. I'm trying to do some housework when I wake up so she can come home to a cleanish house. Truth be told, I'm kind of messy and she's a neat freak.

                          4. I work 10 hour shifts, so I wind up having 160 days off each year, plus comp time and 2 weeks furlough (which I can't use till I'm off probation) Every other month I have weekends off. I try to use that time for "us" time as much as possible.

                          I guess what I'm saying is that I want to have my cake and eat it too...
                          More and more of you rookies want the same thing AND think you can get it.
                          So how do you married folks do it???

                          No matter what the "married folk" do, you're not married. She knows this, too... Either way. Whatever you decide to do now, that'll all be changed when you switch shifts 2 months from now, then 2 months later and 2 months after that. Get where I'm goin'? Whadya do when you're assigned 3rd shift since you're the junior man on the department?
                          NRA Life Member

                          The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

                          Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Futurelaw89 View Post
                            THIS is what is important right now. And monkeybomb is right, if she's this upset now..just imagine later...

                            You know alot of people would kill to be in the position where you are today. Congrats on the career but you have to find a more understanding girl. She should have known what she's getting into, if she can't handle it, then she should kick rocks!



                            If you get married to her...see my prenup thread
                            Futurelaw
                            LOL... You should add a link to your profile with that thread.
                            "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson


                            *UPDATED* Visited: 14 (Arizona Diamondbacks, L.A. Dodgers, L.A. Angels, S.D. Padres,Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Florida Marlins, N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston Red Soxs, Washington Nationals,Seattle Mariners,Oakland A's and the S.F. Giants.)
                            Not Yet Visited: 16
                            Baseball Hall of Fame- Visited

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Danny,

                              You can do your best to make it easier for her, but you cannot singlehandedly make a relationship work. The question is whether she wants to try to adjust to your new life (or if she just wants to cry and pout about it). Methinks counseling is in order.

                              For what it's worth, my first few years involved odd shifts, a massive caseload, ridiculous hours and psychotic amounts of stress... my ex would whine, pout and bitch everytime I had to work a weekend or stay late, he'd try to convince me to go into another field, he'd try to talk me out of caring about what I do or trying hard. We kept it together for about 2 years, but when it finally fell apart, I felt nothing but relieved. New boyfriend actually has a life of his own, has a job he cares about and we have nearly opposite hours... but he rarely pouts, is 110% supportive of me and understands when work gets in the way. I am SO much happier now!

                              Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

                              Comment

                              MR300x250 Tablet

                              Collapse

                              What's Going On

                              Collapse

                              There are currently 6260 users online. 331 members and 5929 guests.

                              Most users ever online was 19,482 at 11:44 AM on 09-29-2011.

                              Welcome Ad

                              Collapse
                              Working...
                              X