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  • Down Syndrome

    I just found out that my sister-in-law might be having a Down Syndrome child. I spoke with my brother who stated, "it is more than likely as there is a cyst by the umbilical cord." They will know for sure in two week when they are able to test for it, but the doctor seems pretty sure about it, and his wife is in the danger range at 40.

    They have been trying to have kids for the longest time with miscarriages, and have even looked towards adoption. I thought it was a blessing when she got pregnant again, and now it seems like their life will be dedicated to a special needs child.

    I give them both a lot of credit as an abortion has not even crossed their mind. He told me that "if this is the hand we are dealt then we will deal with it."

    I was at a loss of words to say to him other than I would be praying the child will be ok. I have been doing some research on Down Syndrome since I only know the basics.

    Sometimes i just don't get life, and having faith as I am Catholic. I really have started to question it.

    Daily at work I go into houses where people have four or five kids on government assistance and they could care less what their kids do. My brother would give his shirt off his back to help you if he knew you. Two loving people who are consistently dealt a bad hand. I wonder why God would let children be born with these diseases.

    Maybe I just needed to vent, I don't know. I was just wondering if anyone else out their has a down syndrome child and give me some insight on how to be supportive as possible.
    "In valor there is hope"

  • #2
    The doc thought my first child was going to have Downs and she didn't. Depending on where your family is at, there may be a significany amount of social service agencies around that can really help out/provide a lot of info, as well as Down's support groups.

    My wife and I cried our eyes out at the thought of having a Downs baby.

    A lady I work with has a sister who has Downs. The sister is very loving, has a job and lives in a group home. She is pretty self sufficient and is not a burden on the family.

    If our next child has Downs, well, I guess that is just the way it is. The child will not be loved any less.

    As a person of faith, remember that your reward is not on this earth, but in the Kingdom of Heaven.

    Comment


    • #3
      Sometimes i just don't get life, and having faith as I am Catholic. I really have started to question it.
      He has a plan bro, even if it doesnt make sense. I know it is hard to keep that faith with all the F'ed up shi- in this world.
      Daily at work I go into houses where people have four or five kids on government assistance and they could care less what their kids do. My brother would give his shirt off his back to help you if he knew you. Two loving people who are consistently dealt a bad hand. I wonder why God would let children be born with these diseas
      es. I use to volunteer for special Olympics, I promise you when I say this " They are the greatest joy, and such wonderful children. You can learn so much from watching them. They may be different, but it does not make them any less of a child or adult. I read a book once where it is said that children born this way chose to be born this way. (reincarnation book) That choosing to come to earth like this, is the highest enlightenment of an old soul. Not one to believe in this, but I am willing to believe that!

      Maybe I just needed to vent, I don't know. I was just wondering if anyone else out their has a down syndrome child and give me some insight on how to be supportive as possible
      . Treat your Nephew or Niece the same (with love an affection) as you would a baby without Dow syndrome. Congratulate your brother and sister-n-law when they have the baby. Don't tell them how sorry you are. Be a Good Uncle and I bet you in a year from now you will be surprised how you don't even notice it. Love My Man Concurs All. Change your perception, support your family. Remember one more time. Treat the Birth the same way if the baby was normal. Do not say your sorry. Focus on the Good my man. Through it all they are finally having their baby!!!!
      Last edited by jcioccke; 11-08-2009, 09:59 AM.
      MDRDEP:

      There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

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      • #4
        My former sister-in-law also thought it was possible.

        It is genetic though, so not sure how they think a cyst on the umbilical cord could "cause" the condition.

        I also used to work in Special Ed as well as a volunteer for Special Olympics...they are differently abled...not disabled.
        Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

        sigpic

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        • #5
          Thank you for all ur comments and support. You guys are right, feeling sorry for them and saying I am sorry is not what they need now. Support and making them know this child will be loved none the less, with or without Down Syndrome.

          I always thought that things happen for a reason, and maybe the reason is that my brother and sister-in-law are the special ones able to take care of this child. I just don't know how I would deal with it if I was in their shoes, a child is a life altering change, let alone one with special needs. Thanks again for your thoughts and comments.
          "In valor there is hope"

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by willowdared View Post
            My former sister-in-law also thought it was possible.

            It is genetic though, so not sure how they think a cyst on the umbilical cord could "cause" the condition.

            I also used to work in Special Ed as well as a volunteer for Special Olympics...they are differently abled...not disabled.
            Maybe I wrote it wrong, but I believe he told me the cyst is an indicator of down syndrome, not the cause
            "In valor there is hope"

            Comment


            • #7
              As the parent of a special needs child, let me assure you that HE gives you that child for a reason. Some (from the outside looking in) think it must be a horrible thing and such a burden, but what they don't see is that a child has the ability to strip life down to the basic IMPORTANT things. They do away with all the BS that we get caught up in in our every day lives and remind you what its really all about. I consider myself blessed to have been given my son to take care of, to nurture, to protect and to champion. He has given me so much more in return. It takes faith. It takes faith to know that everything is for a reason.
              sigpic

              I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

              Comment


              • #8
                I once started to use my superhero "empathic gift" with a woman police applicant who had two autistic sons. She stopped me short and said, "Look, my life is just different than yours. I don't need pity or praise. You'll have to put up with parties, and friends, and kid vs. kid drama for the foreseeable future. I can put my boys into seperate rooms with a mess, leave them be for four hours and return to find everything neat and tidy...no kid vs. kid drama!" She was refreshing, to say the least.

                This is very easy for a guy with four "normie" kids to say, but here goes anyway...life will just be different for your family.

                Thousand of people do it everyday and just might love it the way it is. Perhaps you might seek out contact with these folks. You might even find a Catholic family with a Downs syndrome kid, or two. There were at my previous parish. Get to know about their lives and both the joys and sorrows they go through. This isn't like the 50's where they warehoused these teens and adults with Downs syndrome. There are, no doubt, online and community sypport groups for families living with Down syndrome.
                "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

                Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

                Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

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                • #9
                  I wonder ...if those who truly care about Downs' Syndrome and other forms of mental retardation, would give up using the word Re-TARD and TARD as an epithet to put down someone who has done something less than intelligent.

                  It is all well and good to express empathy and support at a time like this, but will you remember that empathy later?

                  Can you understand why someone would vociferously object if some aspect of your being over which you have no control whatsoever were to be used frequently to put down others?

                  Downs' kids (and adults) have their own special gift they bring to the world. If we truly respect them for that gift, why are so many eager & willing to use that condition as a verbal weapon against people who just aren't thinking straight and/or who are ignorant?

                  Why is the request for sensitivity to their feelings about that put down as "political correctness"?

                  Spread the word to end the word.

                  Best wishes to your family, borninblue. If your family pulls together to support your brother & sister-in-law, it will all work out. Having a Down's child may be difficult but it is much better than having a "normal child" who will beat up on a Down's child.
                  Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed.
                  Happiness never decreases by being shared. -- Buddhist quotation
                  A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -- Proverbs 15:1

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Ok so could be this child has a problem. Could be this child is "OK". This child might not make it to term. I have come across thousands of kids that were not perfect. Every one has been glad to be here. Most of the kids I have seen like that took extraordinary medical care to come to term or to live after birth.
                    If this child does come to this world with extra needs contact the ARC to learn how to set up a trust that will not interfere with the child getting government and privet help.
                    Here is a link.
                    http://www.thearc.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=183
                    1 877 272 2270

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      When I found out that my son was autistic I felt the world crumble down around me. I remember thinking on the way home how we would deal with an autistic child; would I ever be able to play ball with him? will he make friends in school? will he have a normal life as an adult?

                      Then I read somewhere that I don't have an autistic child, I have a child who happens to be autistic.

                      That was huge because instead of treating him as a special needs kid we've always treated him as typical. And through the grace of God and early intervention he's looks and acts like a typical child. He's in first grade now with typical kids and the school wants to remove the label of autistic.

                      You, your brother and your entire family should treat this baby like any typical baby, because that's what this baby will be, a typical child who happens to have Down Syndrome.
                      Last edited by loring1970; 11-17-2009, 04:32 PM. Reason: forgot what grade my kids in.......whats wrong with me?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by borninblue View Post
                        I just found out that my sister-in-law might be having a Down Syndrome child. I spoke with my brother who stated, "it is more than likely as there is a cyst by the umbilical cord." They will know for sure in two week when they are able to test for it, but the doctor seems pretty sure about it, and his wife is in the danger range at 40.

                        They have been trying to have kids for the longest time with miscarriages, and have even looked towards adoption. I thought it was a blessing when she got pregnant again, and now it seems like their life will be dedicated to a special needs child.

                        I give them both a lot of credit as an abortion has not even crossed their mind. He told me that "if this is the hand we are dealt then we will deal with it."

                        I was at a loss of words to say to him other than I would be praying the child will be ok. I have been doing some research on Down Syndrome since I only know the basics.

                        Sometimes i just don't get life, and having faith as I am Catholic. I really have started to question it.

                        Daily at work I go into houses where people have four or five kids on government assistance and they could care less what their kids do. My brother would give his shirt off his back to help you if he knew you. Two loving people who are consistently dealt a bad hand. I wonder why God would let children be born with these diseases.

                        Maybe I just needed to vent, I don't know. I was just wondering if anyone else out their has a down syndrome child and give me some insight on how to be supportive as possible.
                        A very good friend of mine has a special needs child. At first she and her ex husband were told it was Angelman's Syndrome, but apparently it is autism. Anyway, my friend has custody every other weekend, and basically lives for those weekends. I help her with picking her daughter up, and when I can, with taking her daughter back to her ex's. They are fairly lengthy drives, and my friend has her own physical limitaions, so, I help when I can. From what I have seen, her daughter, who is 12, needs alot of attention, and she expects it when she asks, which is understandable, they know what they know. On the other hand, her love for her mother is total and unconditional. I can tell my friend gets frustrated at times (like when she tells me how frustrated she is), but she has told me many times that if she had to do it over again, she wouldn't change a thing re: having the child or not. Just from my limited experience, I guess what I would say is, a life is a life. Read up on Downs Syndrome, understand it as best you can, but that kid needs people, just like any other kid.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by loring1970 View Post
                          When I found out that my son was autistic I felt the world crumble down around me. I remember thinking on the way home how we would deal with an autistic child; would I ever be able to play ball with him? will he make friends in school? will he have a normal life as an adult?

                          Then I read somewhere that I don't have an autistic child, I have a child who happens to be autistic.

                          That was huge because instead of treating him as a special needs kid we've always treated him as typical. And through the grace of God and early intervention he's looks and acts like a typical child. He's in kindergarten now with typical kids and the school wants to remove the label of autistic.

                          You, your brother and your entire family should treat this baby like any typical baby, because that's what this baby will be, a typical child who happens to have Down Syndrome.
                          That is awesome...

                          My wife works with children with special needs and she has become so close with some of the families that we have looked after their kids on a few occasions.

                          All kids are wonderful!

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                          • #14
                            My youngest has Downs and I can tell you that while it has been challenging it has been very rewarding.

                            Look into joining your local Down syndrome society they are an incredible resource for support as well as information on the challenges ahead.

                            As previously posted this is a child who happens to have Down Syndrome but is still a child.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Thanks for all the replies. We are still waiting on the testing in about 2 weeks. You guys really opened my eyes up with some of the comments. Instead of focusing on the possible Downs, the reality is that a new life is coming into our family. This is where the happiness should lie, rather then focusing on the Downs. Stay safe everyone, and I will keep you posted.
                              "In valor there is hope"

                              Comment

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