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  • Stressed

    Please tell me if I'm wrong guys. I've been helping my Mom with my Gma for almost ten years now. My Gdad died in 2000 and me and my Mom have been helping her. We were helping them before my Gdad passed away. No one else in my family helps out that much. My Mom and me pretty much have the load to carry. I'm not trying to complain, I'm just burnt out and would like to take a break. My Gma has alzheimer's and she can't take care of herself anymore. If me and my Mom took a break, I feel that she would be neglected by family members. My Dad's father died last Jan. and me and my sister are helping my Gma out as well. It's an hour drive to pick her up and take her where she needs to go. I'm just really tired all the time, and like I said, I'm really burnt out from doing this for so long. I don't want anything to happen to my grandparents, but I wish that other family members would help out more. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
    www.amyandwandasrants.blogspot.com

  • #2
    I have been where you are and I wish I had some magic words to make it better. My mother has alzheimers. My wife and I took care of her until she became to violent. We had to put her in a nursing home.
    Some of the bigger towns/cities have adult day care centers, that my be one option for getting a short break.

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    • #3
      You may want to start looking at facilities that might better care for her. There may come a time when her needs will become more then you can handle. Sometimes there are waiting lists to get into decent places. Sometimes its easier to get a loved one in a nice place when they still are somewhat functional.
      Its not wrong to want some help when you are overwhelmed. It isn't wrong to want to find a decent place for Grandma to live where she can get everything she needs. If you aren't ready to do that I would try to find some support system to help you with her. Whether it be organizations, family, friends, church or wherever, you can't do it all yourself.

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      • #4
        I would think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. See if there are any social service agencies in the area who can help out so you guys can get a break. Does she have any ins. that will pay for home health care? Maybe you can use a caretaker one day a week or even just every once in awhile so you can destress and go out to dinner and a movie.

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        • #5
          Thats a good idea Joe. You might want to see if either insurance or the State will pay for a PT home health care worker to come in a few hours a week. It might also be good to talk some of these things over with her doctor to see what they can suggest. Some doctors are actually on boards of nursing homes and different programs and might be able to make a call or help out.

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          • #6
            There me be more help available to you than you realize.

            Check into city or county governement agancies, such as an Office for the Aging, or County Health Department. Some hospitals/nurshing homes offer Adult Day Care. These may offer you some help to you and your mother, as you seek to take care of Gma. Good luck.
            You can now follow me on twitter.

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            • #7
              As SDT said, check with local agencies....it's often called "respite care"...someone comes in to care for your parent so you can take a break.
              Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by just joe View Post
                I would think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. See if there are any social service agencies in the area who can help out so you guys can get a break. Does she have any ins. that will pay for home health care? Maybe you can use a caretaker one day a week or even just every once in awhile so you can destress and go out to dinner and a movie.
                I don't know of any insurance that she has that will provde this service. I would have to check into this.
                www.amyandwandasrants.blogspot.com

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                • #9
                  My uncle stays with my gma on the weekends. To be honest, he stays gone a lot, but he makes sure she gets her medicine and something to eat. My cousin stays one day a week and while he's there, she gets ramen noodle soup. When me and my mom get there, we know she doesn't eat a lot because her bowl is sitting in the refrigerator almost full. It really makes me mad. I help my other gma every Fri. The only time her son comes over is when he wants to cuss her out. My cousin only calls when he wants to tell her off. The last time my uncle cussed her out, after he left, she fell and hit her head. It all really makes me mad.
                  www.amyandwandasrants.blogspot.com

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                  • #10
                    It might be time for Grandma to go into a nursing home so she can get the care and supervision that she needs.

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                    • #11
                      Im currently taking care of my dad who is ill and about 99% dependent. Listen, its hard. Flat and simple. No one said it will be easy, but it is definitely worth it, if you love them that is. You took on a responsibility that those in your family refused. If its becoming too much then do what you have to do. Thats great that you're exercising your options within the family first before sending her to a nursing home of some type. Talk with your family. Let them know how you feel and ask if any of them are willing to help out. Like others have said, look into special home health care programs.

                      The most important advice I received about taking care of someone is to first take care of YOU. If that means admitting her to a nursing home because others in your family decide not to help out then so be it. Whatever decision you make feel proud that you at least tried. Not many can say the same thing. Chin up young chap!
                      Dispatch: "All units be advised, he's on foot in a red dodge pick up truck."
                      Me: "Ummm, control..."

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                      • #12
                        You might also want to try finding an Alzheimer's support group. Check out your local hospital, or maybe even online. Google that and see what comes up. At the very least there will be others who can share in your experiences and maybe help you in making decisions concerning the care of your loved one since they have been there or are going through it themselves.

                        About 5 years ago my wife and I had to sell our place and move in with my mother to make sure she got the care that she needed. Granted that she didn't have Alzheimer's but she was deemed by her doctors that she couldn't live alone. She would have died had she been confined to a rest home or residential care facility. The care we provided for her bought her an extra 4 years. It was hard, especially for my wife, since I was the one who was working. I helped out as much as I could.

                        There are no easy answers to this predicament. I wish you well.
                        www.ldscops.com

                        Choose The Right. When you're doing whats right, then you have nothing to worry about.

                        Not a LEO

                        In memory of Sgt. Howard K. Stevenson 1965 - 2005. Ceres PD.
                        In memory of Robert N. Panos 1955 - 2008 Ceres PD.

                        http://www.odmp.org/officer.php?oid=17539


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                        • #13
                          Is your family involved in a church or civic group of some sort? People in those types of organizations are usually willing to help out for short periods of time to give you a break.
                          Those who are successful at what they do don't give a rip about what others think about them.

                          We don't rent pigs.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by alienbow View Post
                            Please tell me if I'm wrong guys. I've been helping my Mom with my Gma for almost ten years now. My Gdad died in 2000 and me and my Mom have been helping her. We were helping them before my Gdad passed away. No one else in my family helps out that much. My Mom and me pretty much have the load to carry. I'm not trying to complain, I'm just burnt out and would like to take a break. My Gma has alzheimer's and she can't take care of herself anymore. If me and my Mom took a break, I feel that she would be neglected by family members. My Dad's father died last Jan. and me and my sister are helping my Gma out as well. It's an hour drive to pick her up and take her where she needs to go. I'm just really tired all the time, and like I said, I'm really burnt out from doing this for so long. I don't want anything to happen to my grandparents, but I wish that other family members would help out more. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
                            Please bear with me because I'm new here on the forum and I might not be on the same page yet, but I'd like to make a suggestion; In LE never say that you're stressed or depressed because they are often interpreted as key words for supervisory intervention to pull your gun and get get you into the shrinks office. If you say: I'm bummed out, aggravated, or something along the lines of just having a bad day, than that is not a problem so far that I know of, but stress and depression are technical terms and are often taken as admissions of a condition that is dangerous for any armed person, and supervisors and or co-workers may feel liable and obligated to do something. This is not suggesting that you don't seek help if you really have an issue that could be a problem, but you might be better of running it by a police delegate or rep, or someone that will look out for you first, otherwise somebody might burn you! As far as your issues go I wish you the best of luck, and with time and patience things should get better as they often do.

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