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Meeting my Birthfather...need some help.

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  • Meeting my Birthfather...need some help.

    Well, I was adopted at a very young age, and about 2 years ago, I contacted the adoption agency and requested the release of my birthparents information.

    I was given the information for my birthmother about 2 years ago. I've met her and her wonderful family. He husband is a 20+ yr veteran of a VA dept. She was very open about the fact she had a child out of wedlock as a young age, and her family has always known about me.

    Now, when I first contacted the adoption agency, I was not given any information for my birthfather. I was told he was not willing to give out the info, so I was denied contacting him. I tried again this year, and just received an email today with his contact info.

    All that to say, is there any legal way I can use his address to find a telephone number?

    Thanks!
    -S

  • #2
    If you were to look him up in the phone book for a phone number, then you would be OK. You wouldnt be able to give an operator his address to get the number there. There may be ways online to search via address.

    If you have an address, have you thought about sending him a letter? If he has chosen not to be contacted, then it probably wouldn't be wise to phone him or show up on his doorstep after so many years have passed.

    I grew up in foster care and was never adopted...but have always respected the wishes of those that do not wish to be contacted...and its rare that I keep in touch with foster families that I lived with. I have some foster siblings that I still keep in touch with but for the most part, I've gone on with my life.

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    • #3
      go to www.411.com free reverse address, and phone number searches for public use.
      GO BIG OR GO HOME

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      • #4
        Taylor, your probably right. My best bet is to write probably, especially since he bolted 25yrs ago when he found out his g/f (at the time) was pregnant.

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        • #5
          If you know his name, here are three legal, public sites you can use to trace.

          http://www.zabasearch.com/

          http://www.freeality.com/find.htm

          http://find.person.superpages.com/
          Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence!

          [George Washington (1732 - 1799)]

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          • #6
            As understandable as your desire to contact your Father is, I suggest you proceed carefully. Based on your post, it seems that he doesn't really want to be contacted. My suggestion is, that you send him a letter at his last known address. Be certain to put a return address on the evelope. For the price of a .42 cent stamp you can get a pretty feel for whether or not your Father wants any contact with you.

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            • #7
              PhilipCal: Well, he's more open now than he was 2 years ago, when he declined me contacting him at all. Guess I should be grateful for an address

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              • #8
                Originally posted by SSterne View Post
                PhilipCal: Well, he's more open now than he was 2 years ago, when he declined me contacting him at all. Guess I should be grateful for an address
                Yeah, it's a start, and I really hope it works out OK for both of you.

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                • #9
                  SSterne, Something I forgot to mention in my earlier post.

                  Be prepared that he may not want to meet you. And if you do meet, be prepared that he may not get close to you or want to be involved in your life. Sometimes we wish for these things but it truly is what it is. Things happened the way they did...be it for the better or for the worse. Be grateful for the life that you have had.

                  I've seen it before where someone gets their hopes up and then comes the reality check and it can be devastating. I cant stress enough that you need to be prepared for that.

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                  • #10
                    Congratulations! I just found my birth father this past July. I am happy for you. I've not met him yet, however, we talk on the tx 4 or 5 times a week.

                    I hope you're able to make contact with him somehow. Good luck!
                    Sworn on September 22, 2010

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                    • #11
                      Taylor: Good advice, but I'm all prepared either way. I waited till now so I was confidant that however the cards fell, I could deal with it. I got blessed with such a wonderful birthmother, and because of the situation 25yrs ago, I don't figure he'll be as open and willing as my mother was.

                      Thanks for all the encouragement all!

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                      • #12
                        Screw this idiot. I say you go up there and knock him the hell out. The hecks wrong with you, seeking out idiots and stuff. YOU SEEKED him. .. he didnt even bother looking for you. He's a worthless sack of crap. I say you go out there and knock him the hell out..heck i'll go with you
                        what kind of *blank* sucker gives up flesh and blood.. no excuse. none..and the fact he didnt even bother seeking you.. EEEWWWWW
                        Just one guys opinion.. ya'll can take it for what its worth..but your completley blameless and your a better man than that trash heap of a man. you've got nothing to be nervous about. Your the bigger man.. the only time i may be nervous is when i'm next to people who are honest respectable men.
                        Last edited by Selfless; 09-08-2009, 01:26 PM.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Selfless View Post
                          Screw this idiot. I say you go up there and knock him the hell out. The hecks wrong with you, seeking out idiots and stuff. YOU SEEKED him. .. he didnt even bother looking for you. He's a worthless sack of crap. I say you go out there and knock him the hell out..heck i'll go with you
                          what kind of *blank* sucker gives up flesh and blood.. no excuse. none..and the fact he didnt even bother seeking you.. EEEWWWWW
                          Just one guys opinion.. ya'll can take it for what its worth..but your completley blameless and your a better man than that trash heap of a man. you've got nothing to be nervous about. Your the bigger man.. the only time i may be nervous is when i'm next to people who are honest respectable men.

                          quoted for truth. sorry, but I feel hes right. My dad skipped out on us when I was 15, my little sister was only 8. He up and disappeared, hes a cop here in my town, and he was on the verge of losing his job because he literally disappeared. Signed over his rights to me and my sister, wanted nothing to do with us all of a sudden. She tries going to the PD to talk to him, but she says he's distant....me... i dont even care to try. Not worth it.

                          If you want to try and re-connect with your parents, then by all means thats your decision....just think about it.
                          The above posted text is my opinion and thought and in no way represents the thought or opinion of my place of work.


                          "We are a brotherhood, we stand together, and not alone. You got my back, and I got yours."





                          RIP Brothers.

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                          • #14
                            There is a website that might be helpful a friend told me about.

                            www.pipl.com

                            Hope this helps in some way.
                            "Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

                            Joshua 1:9

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                            • #15
                              Coming from the same sort of situation, I have always felt that the street runs both ways. He know he had a child, but he chose not to be in your life. That was a sticking point for me. Everyone is different though. Good luck!

                              Comment

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