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  • Money Woes

    I feel like I'm losing my mind here stressing out about my fiancee and my financial situation. We are waaaaaay over extended. I have never felt a pinch like this before. We bought a house together in May and moved in and I expected money to be tight for the first few months. Then her car dies so we get another one and then she loses her job and has spent the last 3 weeks trying to find one. I've been trying to work OT to fill the gaps and now while I was at my reserve until yesterday I sprained my ACL pulling gear out of a humvee. Say goodbye OT and hello desk. This is the first time in my life that I don't know if I'm going to be able to make ends meet.
    Her step dad passed away in may and her mother (who loves me and her to death) got a large insurance payment and my fiancee is trying to convince me we should ask her mom for help. This makes me feel like a horrible provider. What kind of husband am I gonna be if I can't even make ends meet when the road gets a little rough. I never ask my parents for money (they couldn't help anyway) I hate this. Just needed to vent. Does this sound off base?

    Last edited by hobbsie711; 09-14-2008, 12:55 AM. Reason: posted before I was done

  • #2
    Well, it doesnt just sound like youre overextended... it sounds like you've had bad luck/bad situations come up, also. You bought a house counting on two incomes... now you only have one. I would say if she wants to get help from her mother until she can get another job, that's fine.

    It's not about YOU providing when she's lost her job and you just got the house ... JMO. But you do have to be careful buying a house together, especially when jobs arent "for sure," and overtime isnt either. I just dont believe in being "house poor," and struggling to pay a mortgage every month... along with all the other bills.

    Be careful and try to budget where you can. I guess i dont have much more advice... good luck.


    • #3
      hey we all need help sometimes. my husband and i have had to ask my in laws for help, there is no shame in that. you are not a horrible provider, crap happens and you can not control that. swallow your pride and ask for help. what are you going to do if you lose your house? i believe that would be worse then asking for some help! good luck and hope things get better for you.
      This is my Glock, there are many like it, but this one is mine

      "Anything is possible to he who dares" A.G. Spalding


      • #4
        You could also let her invest the money into your home. You can set up a contract agreeing to pay her back a certain percentage of the profits on the home should you sell it, and/or to pay her back when it is paid or at a certain point and time. This way she invests her money into a relatively secure long term investment and you get to keep your home.

        As for being a "good provider" those days are long gone. It is near impossible to do what our parents did, and buy a home on one income. Being a "good provider" is not that important anymore. My ex was one, but he was a lousy husband. I would have been better off if I had married a man who was less of a provider, and more of a husband. The fact that you are worried about taking care of her shows you love her, and want whats best for her, that is being a good husband which is much more important.

        Good luck, and talk to an attorney about the the investment thing. It would help both of you.
        "This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper." -- TS Eliot the Hollow Men


        • #5
          Everyone comes upon hard times. If you do decide to ask her mom for help make the money she gives you a loan. Set up a time table to repay her and such. It might sound kinda dumb but I would make me feel better kow I wasnt getting a handout.


          • #6
            There is some good advice here.

            If her mom is in a position where she could temporarily help you guys out, take her up on it. Consider it a loan to be repaid, rather than a handout. That way, when you are back on your feet (literally and figuratively!) financially, or in a better position than you are now, you can begin to repay her.

            We all need help once in a while. You have had a crappy set of cirucmstances occur over a short period of time, and quite frankly, I think that would throw many of us for a loop.

            Some months I am more flush than others, and sometimes I'm barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck. Take advantage of the good times when you can, setting money aside for these times when the going gets bad... I know that doesn't help for the moment, but I have to keep kicking myself over this too. I don't own a house yet, but my student loan payments kick in this month (to the tune of about $400) and while that may be nothing compared to a mortgage payment, it's $400 more a month that I am not used to paying!

            Receive the help if you can, and make sure you take it easy to get healed. You won't be able to help yourself, let alone your wife, if you become permanently incapacitated due to pushing yourself too hard too early.

            best of luck to ya.


            • #7
              Originally posted by Soleil_nuage
              Can I ask? Doesn't some of that insurance money belong to your wife as well, since it was her Dad who died? So it shouldn't be a loan.
              It was her step father. They got married in April. She didn't get along with him and she still has a decent relationship with her dad so I would lean towards no the money is definately her mothers.


              • #8
                Just an update. She asked her mom and she helped us out. She also got a new job at a very upscale restraunt so I think we're gonna be ok. Thanks for the advice guys it's great to be able to vent to people who understand



                • #9
                  Glad to hear everything is working out.

                  Make sure you get long term disability insurance (through work)...just in case!
                  This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.


                  • #10
                    glad its working out. There is good money in waitng tables however it is hard work.
                    her Mother should be able to help out if she loves the two of you the way you presented it. Its hard to swallow pride sometimes but its alot easier then losing some big investment and all that money tied up in it.
                    ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
                    Oscar Wilde


                    • #11

                      I don't have anything significant to add here in terms of advice, but I do want to say that for what it's worth, I'm impressed with all the good advice presented in this thread, and with the good and responsible attitudes expressed by hobbsie711. Best wishes to you and your wife, hobbes.


                      Last edited by Monty Ealerman; 09-18-2008, 02:45 PM.


                      • #12


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by stryker11 View Post
                          + 1,000,000
                          "...I'm gonna' ride that one-legged pony to baloney town..."

                          "I just assume most people are half-retarded, and it's my job to remind 'em."


                          • #14
                            I would go talk to a financial adviser. It will cost you a couple hundred bucks 200-300 but it was worth it for us when we were looking at making a large home purchase. They will put you on a program after going through your bills and tell you how to get things in order. Youll also sleep better. Nobody wants to borrow money from family but as long as you pay it back you may need to. Family is there to support each other, if you can't depend on them then who can you depend on.


                            • #15
                              Sorry to hear about the sting of bad events recently man.
                              Keep your head up. Check out this website.

                              Originally posted by stryker11 View Post
                              Originally posted by 1two9 View Post
                              + 1,000,000
                              Dave Ramsey and his website are very useful.
                              "Rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior but for evil behavior. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same." ~~ God


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