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  • pregnancy in schools

    Im a full time deputy and i work part time in the schools as a SRO, i was wondering if anyone noticed the increasing rise in teen pregnancy if so how does your kids handle their friends being pregnant. I have a little girl and i was wondering what questions i have to look foreward to.
    In god i trust everyone else gets run on NCIC

  • #2
    How old is your daughter??

    Success is getting what you want.... Happiness is wanting what you get

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    • #3
      Ah... teen pregnancy is on the upraise... in my high school we had SEVERAL girls that "were so excited about having babies" when they had never even held a job in their lives, their parents still did their laundry... unfortunately you probably wont have the opportunity to answer any questions for your little girl because sadly they don’t ask their parents questions like that anymore they rely on other teenagers for advice, just be aware of who your daughter is associating with hopefully she will make the right decisions on her own... just instill good values in her... maybe have "the talk" with her when she is about 11-12 I know it seems young... but I also remember being pressured into things when I was that young... I wish you the best
      Virginia Beach Police Dept. (First choice)

      05-2-09 Applied

      09-17-09 Written/Physical/B-Pad


      Hanover County Sheriff’s Dept.

      01-13-09 Applied

      Hiring freeze for two years??


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      • #4
        Usually the teen girls who get excited about having a baby are seeing the baby as an opportunity for them to receive unconditional love. This puts an enormous burden on that tiny human being.

        They also believe the pregnancy will bind the baby's father to them, and so they will receive love that way as well.

        Never mind reality. Teenagers are not big on reality. That's part of being a teenager.

        Best thing you can do to prevent your own daughters from becoming pregnant is to become/remain involved in their lives, but in a non-judgmental way. If you and the mother/father provide that unconditional love, if you are present emotionally in their lives, if you can help your teen plan for a bright future that includes work that excites them, AND if you make sure they are aware of a) contraceptives, b) how to respond to pressure to have sex with or without contraceptives, c) the real consequences of pregnancy (as opposed to the imagined), the chances of their becoming pregnant is extremely remote.

        This is especially true for fathers. Girls need their fathers just as much as boys do. They learn how to relate to boys/men by the way their fathers relate to them. An absent father (either emotionally or physically) will contribute more than anything else to a teen girl's need to find love through sex. (Worst way in the world to find love, because for most teen boys sex isn't about love at all.)

        My mistake with my daughter who got pg as a teen was that I didn't talk to her enough about it. Given her father's absence, I think it might have helped if I had talked to her about how my own father's emotional absence affected me and the way I related to men. I was lucky I didn't get pregnant; but I was also lucky that my mom introduced me to the birth control pill when I was 15.
        Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed.
        Happiness never decreases by being shared. -- Buddhist quotation
        A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -- Proverbs 15:1

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        • #5
          Hold on on second iluvpopo...If a parent starts and makes a open communication between the child (at a young age) and keeps it there, there are huge chances that even if that child hears from others they may (even if indirectly) may check with parent.
          Just because a child has an OPPS....and gets pregnant, does not make that a parent bad, wrong or needing to be condemned. You have to be the parent and lead by example....and the child will learn. (maybe not say it but you will see it in actions)

          On the thing about the teen pregnancy, well not only do you need to educate the female you need to educate the male. As a female can not get pregnant on her own HE plays a part in this also.

          You need to allow the TEENS birth control. Yes that means the girl may get the pill, or shot or what ever. The Boys need condoms.
          Guess what, there are enough places out there that give out free condoms that they can get them safely. )
          Education in the whole area.
          emotional, financial, educational

          make it a real life experince. Ask questions.....let them think and be firm on YOUR answers.
          My Mother always told me two things that to this day stick in my mind:
          1. I have raised my children. If you find yourself pregnant you will need to move out and raise the child yourself. (I was on the pill also.)
          2. If you ever get arrested Don't call me. I will not bail you out and I can not afford a lawyer for you.

          To this day I have never been pregnant, nor arrested.

          ** The questions that are mentioned above, that I copied and pasted from my response in SP underage daughter....

          then ask quality, non judgmental questions that kids need to consider as parents to be MUST consider:

          (1) Are you going to finish school? If yes, who is keeping the baby, day care or a school that offers it.
          (2) what type of job are you going to get to support the child. Food stamps give you formula, however- pampers and clothing are not cheap. What do you plan to do with the baby as you work? (again daycare, family, nanny make plan that is a reality based plan that can be done/
          (3) If you don't finish school, what are your 2 year plans- then the 5 year plans. How do you plan to do that with no GED or HS diploma.

          make it a real life experience that A LOT of girls are in. And also make sure that you teach the boys this too.
          Yes Some run off, but most at least stand up and give something to help.( or at least the real men do). I mean it takes two to make a baby.....
          Last edited by texaschickeee; 09-06-2008, 03:04 PM. Reason: added questions
          ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
          Oscar Wilde

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          • #6
            ***also note that in Hollywood, we are celebrating the children of TEEN starts as in Ashley Simpson, Jamie Lynn Spears and had the Movie Juno....all about teen pregnancy.

            It is an absolute disgrace that we Cerebrate and pay huge amounts of money to these teens, and then crucify this one for doing the exact same thing because of who her MOTHER is. Its a double standard that no one can predict. Of course its done by the very biased media.......
            ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
            Oscar Wilde

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            • #7
              Originally posted by texaschickeee View Post
              Hold on on second iluvpopo...If a parent starts and makes a open communication between the child (at a young age) and keeps it there, there are huge chances that even if that child hears from others they may (even if indirectly) may check with parent.
              That does make sense; I didn’t have a normal childhood (no parents, moved ALOT, really abusive "parent figure") I guess I just figured because I would never confide in my "parent figure" and other girls I knew hated their parents at that age... I just judged it by my child hood and others I saw from a Childs point of view. I definitely agree with you rubyrose about how it is to grow up with out a father… it can definitely cause a dependency on men. (Not meaning you rely on them, and cant do things on your own) just meaning you always have to have at least around all the time… just be a good dad C-15 and follow these girls advice, communication is the key in my opinion
              Virginia Beach Police Dept. (First choice)

              05-2-09 Applied

              09-17-09 Written/Physical/B-Pad


              Hanover County Sheriff’s Dept.

              01-13-09 Applied

              Hiring freeze for two years??


              sigpic

              Comment


              • #8
                [QUOTE=rubyrose;1398448]
                Best thing you can do to prevent your own daughters from becoming pregnant is to become/remain involved in their lives, but in a non-judgmental way. If you and the mother/father provide that unconditional love, if you are present emotionally in their lives, if you can help your teen plan for a bright future that includes work that excites them, AND if you make sure they are aware of a) contraceptives, b) how to respond to pressure to have sex with or without contraceptives, c) the real consequences of pregnancy (as opposed to the imagined), the chances of their becoming pregnant is extremely remote.


                I completely agree with this. As a high school teacher, I see the results of preoccupied and uninvolved parents all the time. Students who do poorly in classes or get into trouble frequently often have parents who are difficult to contact and/or are very unresponsive when they are contacted.

                Also, when it comes to my own experience, I think I would have been less likely to have had sex outside of marriage if my dad had shown me I was worthy of true love. Luckily, it worked out my sister and I; we both ended up with great husbands. However, that was only after she had a baby at age 17. She will tell you to this day that she would not have been chasing boys in high school like that had our dad been more involved.

                I can't tell parents enough: you have to spend quality time with your kids.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by texaschickeee View Post
                  ***also note that in Hollywood, we are celebrating the children of TEEN starts as in Ashley Simpson, Jamie Lynn Spears and had the Movie Juno....all about teen pregnancy.

                  It is an absolute disgrace that we Cerebrate and pay huge amounts of money to these teens, and then crucify this one for doing the exact same thing because of who her MOTHER is. Its a double standard that no one can predict. Of course its done by the very biased media.......
                  thanks for all the feed back guys, this quote is really what got this thread started because my 8 yr old asked me if i think hanna montana will have a baby like spears. i simply put it together with what i see as a SRO. after reading all the posts i think ill be the enforcer and let my wife handle the Deep stuff. once again thanks guys
                  In god i trust everyone else gets run on NCIC

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Athene8107 View Post

                    Also, when it comes to my own experience, I think I would have been less likely to have had sex outside of marriage if my dad had shown me I was worthy of true love. Luckily, it worked out my sister and I; we both ended up with great husbands. However, that was only after she had a baby at age 17. She will tell you to this day that she would not have been chasing boys in high school like that had our dad been more involved.
                    This is WAY true. I knew my dad loved me, but he was an old-fashioned father - he loved us from further away, more or less. Not alot of affection and words of love. He never was abusive, or even punished us - that was mom's job. But his way of punishment when i did things really bad, especially when i was a teen, was the silent treatment and ignoring me...for weeks.

                    Like i said, i never had a doubt that he loved me, but i absolutely went after guys for attention and what i thought was love. It wasnt. I had my own teen problems with guys/relationships that i wont go into here. My mom gave me one sex talk when i was around 13 i think, but never taught me about birth control. She was old-fashioned, too. They were much older than the norm when i was born, also.

                    Parents have to also make sure to show their daughters that their looks arent everything, and to make sure they are involved in things like sports (if they are able to be), and clubs that use their BRAINS. They need to derive self-esteem not just from their bodies and their cute faces. This would help immensely in saying "no" to boys, and respecting themselves, and not needing so much love from other sources.

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                    • #11
                      I spent two marriages and about a decade after the last one looking for the father figure who would acknowledge me, see me for what I was, and love me unconditionally. The men I married were different versions of my mother, one the disapproving side I tried to make love me, and the other the one who was supportive and loving but ultimately had a frame of reference for understanding the world completely contradicted my own. During those marriages I fell hopelessly in love with professors who appreciated and understood what was going on in my head intellectually -- the father figures. Of course, that was hard on the marriages.

                      C-15, don't play "the enforcer" while your wife handles the "deep stuff." Your daughter needs you for the deep stuff, too.

                      My dad was "the enforcer" -- at least when my mom could finally convince him to take action. Even if he had been a more active enforcer, that still wouldn't have given me what I needed from him.

                      I needed him to recognize and appreciate the part of me that was like him. I needed him to engage me in conversations about things that were important to him.

                      Hell, I studied philosophy for several years, read all the books on his bookshelves, and even took physics because of him (he was a physicist). But he never once looked at me as someone to talk with on deep issues.

                      That hurt more than you can imagine. He's been dead 32 years and it still brings tears.

                      Equally important, if you are ONLY the "enforcer," your daughter will rebel against you.

                      Keep the communications lines open. Look for things you can share with her. Don't assume she will only be interested in "girly" things. Some girls are, but fewer and fewer are these days.

                      Spend quality time with her. Even when she gets older and acts like she doesn't want you around, don't believe her. She will just be trying to form her own personality and she does that by resisting you. She will need you to be there for her even when she is at her most rebellious and least talkative.
                      Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed.
                      Happiness never decreases by being shared. -- Buddhist quotation
                      A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -- Proverbs 15:1

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                      • #12
                        As a current high school Senior I'll chime in here. I have numerous friends who are pregnant and my guy friends who are going to be/are fathers. One of my bestfriends got his girlfriend pregnant, and she's five months along. I mean this is someone I spend every single day with, talk about everything together.

                        My view is you shouldn't judge someone because of it. It doesn't make you a bad person just because you have a child at an early age. Some say wreckless, but in the case of my bestfriend they took the normal precautions any married couple would take, they just got unlucky because obviously, birth control doesn't always work.

                        So it's obviously hard to manage, but if they take care of the child I don't see the problem. There's just as much of a problem with a 15-year old girl with no way to support a kid having a baby as there is with a 30-year old drug addict. Age is irrelevant.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Columbus View Post
                          My view is you shouldn't judge someone because of it. It doesn't make you a bad person just because you have a child at an early age. S

                          There's just as much of a problem with a 15-year old girl with no way to support a kid having a baby as there is with a 30-year old drug addict. Age is irrelevant.
                          I certainly don't think my students are bad people if they have kids. I actually feel bad for them. There is so much to experience in this world, and it is a lot more difficult to experience it when you have a child or children to take care of. Having children at an early age makes things so much tougher on a person.

                          However, I'm not saying it never works out okay. My sister got pregnant her senior year of high school. Luckily the father was probably the best guy she had ever been involved with, and they ended up getting married. He has a great career now, and they now have two beautiful daughters. However, the first couple of years were tough for them. He was working full time and going to college full time, and they were living in my parents' tiny home. My sister is probably one of the best moms I've ever met; she is even home schooling her older daughter. And her husband is a great dad.

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                          • #14
                            Ditto with my daughter, who had her first at 18.

                            In fact, having that kid helped her turn her life around. My daughter has a 135 IQ but she graduated high school with a 1.65 GPA (D+). She had little interest in school. But with Kyle on the way she decided she had to straighten up. She went to a college in Columbia, MO, that admitted anyone who had graduated from high school. They have a program worked out for working folks, with very flexible scheduling. She had a year with a B+ average then transferred to Mizzou. All that time she was also working at a midwifery clinic.

                            Medicaid paid the medical expenses, but other than that she and her bf managed on their own (he worked and went to school too). They eventually got married but it lasted only a few years.

                            She eventually went to work for the U MO hospitals and there she met the man who became her current husband. He is now an OB/GYN in Madison, WI. They have four children together, plus her oldest, plus three of his -- grand total: 8, ages 2-19. It's quite a family. She worked as a lay midwife for a while, then let that slide after her #4 was born. Now, however, she has a professional baby/family photography business, which works well around her home schooling most of the younger kids.

                            I am seriously proud of that girl, and with good reason. She is quite an amazing mom in addition to everything else she does.

                            So it isn't the end of the world. However, it should be noted that she had a lot of resources to help her, including her father and me, with two parents with advanced degrees. Life tends to turn out better for teen moms when they have family resources.

                            Originally posted by Athene8107 View Post
                            I certainly don't think my students are bad people if they have kids. I actually feel bad for them. There is so much to experience in this world, and it is a lot more difficult to experience it when you have a child or children to take care of. Having children at an early age makes things so much tougher on a person.

                            However, I'm not saying it never works out okay. My sister got pregnant her senior year of high school. Luckily the father was probably the best guy she had ever been involved with, and they ended up getting married. He has a great career now, and they now have two beautiful daughters. However, the first couple of years were tough for them. He was working full time and going to college full time, and they were living in my parents' tiny home. My sister is probably one of the best moms I've ever met; she is even home schooling her older daughter. And her husband is a great dad.
                            Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed.
                            Happiness never decreases by being shared. -- Buddhist quotation
                            A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -- Proverbs 15:1

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                            • #15
                              I dont think anyone is a "bad person" for getting pregnant.

                              There is just a certain maturity level that usually isnt there at young ages - to parent a child when youre really not an adult yet yourself. I cant put an age on it for every person, but under 18 and raising a child is gonna be really tough on everyone, including the child. Tough to go to school, get decent jobs, healthcare, etc. The way the people on this board diss you if you dont have a job that pays tons of money and offers you loads of company healthcare, ya know? They seem to think its so easy for everyone to always "better themselves."

                              It will be a harder situation, and a much harder life for anyone who has a child at a young age and keeps the baby and raises it, especially if they marry the father - because THEN the marriage issues come into it, with all of those stresses and arguements.

                              Some people dont have parents with money that can step in and help take care, or that feel as if they SHOULD step in and take care.

                              I think there are different ways of taking care of the responsibility of a pregnancy. To each their own. I never had children, and my life has been damn hard enough without them.

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